Rocky Raccoon 100 #66 Huntsville, TX

Running long, painfully difficult distances. Why do it? Early in my grief I think others had explanations why... Outrun loss, bury pain, mask it with physical pain, I know a few who literally thought I was trying to kill myself. What they never understood was that those of us who use running to mourn, are just creating a new being from the shattered remnants of the one who died with our loved one. In learning to move forward through physical pain, we learn to move forward in life. To accept suffering. To live through suffering. To continue despite suffering. To achieve and smile and laugh and find purpose despite pain in every footstep. It's a tangible symbol of the process we are going through in our hearts. That's been my journey these last 6 years, February 2018 when my world came crashing down and the old me died. Somehow this habit of a daily run, working towards running my first 100 miler, and many since, was the anchor that kept me tied to this life and gave me the strength to continue when all I really wanted was to be buried right next to my son.

These were some of my thoughts heading into my #66th 100 miler as my grief month of February began.

Rocky Raccoon, a really great trail race for a 1st 100-mile runner. Located in Huntsville Texas the course has mild rolling hills, some technical roots and rocky sections but mostly very runnable... unless you get a crazy heavy thunderstorm the night before. From what I understand, we had the worst trail conditions on this course in 20 years. What I thought would go down as a no brainer buckle, ended up being a real physical and mental challenge, trying to strategize how to keep from destroying my feet on a course that was 60% underwater or ankle sucking mud.

Jason was a gem and decided to come crew this race. I had been scheduled to run Beast of Burden in NY and was really excited to try another cold race, because my amazing friend Amy sent me some of her used arctic gear she was no longer using... seriously high-quality things I would never justify buying, so I wanted to give the Northeast winter cold a try. Unfortunately, that race cancelled so I scrambled for something to fill it. I normally would have had no desire to go all the way to Texas, mainly because it's a 20-hour drive, and no mountains at the end to show for it! However, Our friend and Jasons long time gaming buddy, Noid, lives not far from the Rocky Raccoon course. It's because of this incredible guy's generosity that I am running any races this year. He donated a massive amount of $ to my gofund me, which has paid for all of my race entries, because of him I should be able to push my number up to 85 finished 100s by years end. Just incredible. When we saw how close Rocky Raccoon was, we knew both of us had to go so we could meet him and hang out a little and thank him in person for all he's done for me and the cause of veteran suicide awareness. I was relieved to have Jasons company and not just because I knew he'd do most of the driving! Ha! He did do ¾ of the driving on the way down, we left 8pm Thurs night and arrived at our motel in time to go to packet pickup, eat some dinner and get to bed early. We knew heavy rain was coming in, and I was expecting the first few hours of the race would be in heavy thunderstorms. Knew nothing of this course except that Amy had run it 6 yrs ago and that there would probably be a lot of messy mud. She was not kidding.

Getting to the race start itself was kind of a joke! We planned to be an hour early so I could get my ankle timing chip and we could find a place to stash some supplies near the start. I would go through the start line for 5 20-mile loops. So, I was up at 3:45 am with enough time to get ready and arrive an hour early. I accidentally was all dressed with my shoes on when I realized my pants were inside out, lol, so I had to re-dress. I wasn't going to do that again! I made that mistake at Grindstone, and I need my pockets! Anyway, we arrived at the park to be met with this mile long parking lot of stopped cars. We sat in that line for 40 minutes, and with the park itself not well marked, it took us another 10 to find out where Jason could even drop me off. With 10 min to start time, he wouldn't have time to park and see me off, so I just jumped out of the car and hustled to get my chip. Fortunately, with a big line of lightning storms headed our way, the race was delayed by 15 minutes, so I had a chance to get a deep breath, gather my thoughts, use the bathroom, and have time to fix my lamps, jacket, phone etc. so when the race started I wasn't fiddling with things.

Crossing the campgrounds onto the course was a good taste of what was to come. Already the ground was soggy and flooded. With 440 100 miler runners and an additional bunch of 100k racers starting later, that area would become very swampy and muddy from all the trail shoes chewing up the ground. The trail itself would have been really fun to run and I was making good time and thoroughly enjoying the gentle rolling hills, but the amount of water on the trail was pretty insane. I had a couple bread bags over my socks to help keep my feet dry for awhile and they seemed to be working. I slowed down and tried to make my way through some of the underbrush along the trail to skip the enormous puddles that had formed. Not so easy to do because the ground on the sides of the trail were often even more flooded, or the undergrowth was too thick to really push through so you just kind of sucked it up and ran through most of the water. The most exciting was coming into the first aid station we had a river over the banks with knee deep water we had to cross, twice. It was going to be a difficult day with all that water but honestly, I was riding the high. Unexpected hard things just add to the experience and give you a better story to tell! It was really fun splashing through the flood while the ground underneath was still solid. Luckily the expected thunderstorms never rolled in, which was fine because already the rivers and flood basins were full of water and it had flooded a good portion of the trails and parts of the bridges.

I made pretty good time, I did my first 20 miles in under 5 hrs. Jason met me and helped with my first change of socks. It was great to have him back on course with me again!

I had an amazing day getting the chance to run with a couple Chris's! First Chris is a US Army Veteran and had completed some really difficult 200-mile races but was running his first 100. We had an awesome time running together. We had started out together right at the beginning and he was telling me about a 100 mile trail race he was putting on in April. I've been looking for one, so I was super excited to have chatted with him and said I'd look him up afterwards and get some info on his race. A little while later I had the blessing to run with another Chris, military Dad, with sons who served or are serving, in the Marine Corps and Air Force. It was really great talking with him from a parent's perspective about the problems and struggles our kids had seen within the military and how it affects their mental health. He has a son on active duty in Jordan who he got to talk to during the race. <3

So anyway, at one point I ended up running with both these Chris's. I was telling them how I was attempting to run 100 100s for veteran suicide awareness. One of them said, I saw there's this lady named Rosie that is trying to do that and she's done like sixty something!... I'm thinking like Ben Kenobi... “Of course I know her, she me.”

These two awesome dudes were so great, they started treating me like some kind of celebrity and saying it was an honor to run with me, and that they'd tried to track me down to follow my races. It was just the nicest thing, but the best part was such a Godsend because Chris #1 said he wanted to give me a free entry to support my cause, to his race in April. Dark Sky 110 (or 220) which amazingly, is held in Coudersport Pennsylvania, the first home Jason and I had together with all the kids when Jason became Dad to my six and we got pregnant with Adam. It's such a beautiful special place and I just couldn't believe I ran into the RD putting on a hard point to point trail race there, AND is a veteran, and is wanting to support my mission. It was like God just dropped these guys and this race into my lap. I was so happy and grateful. We enjoyed running together for a while, but our paces were all a little different, so we eventually separated to run our own races, but I felt a lot of joy every time I saw them throughout the race, on the out and backs and at aid stations.

The daytime weather got a little warm and I felt a little dehydrated. I accidentally left my water bottle with my drop bag so was without anything to drink for 6 miles in the hottest part of the day. When I finally ran into Jason I was flustered and near tears and emotional, the day had been hard as my feet were getting trashed from the mud, water and sand. I was grateful Jason was there to help me with everything I needed and to keep me moving as quickly as possible. you can kind of see I'm a bit of an emotional wreck in this pic, leaving Jason with my gear for the night.

A lady along the trail offered me a cold coke which was magical! Another huge highlight was that Ben, one of the runners from Shippey 100, was out working an aid station. Amazingly he recognized me without all my ridiculous layers of clothes and gave me a big hug. I'd see him twice every loop at the aid stations and he was always helping with my bottles & getting me food. It was pretty wonderful to have an unexpected friend out there. Later Stephanie who I ran with at Shippey, was also out volunteering so we got to chat and give each other a big hug and she helped me out too at the aid stations. Kinda felt like a mini family reunion!

Another memorable person I ran with was a guy who had a family who had mostly all served in the military, but the youngest brother didn't quite get out of the house fast enough to serve and ended up dying by suicide. :( Rest in Peace Jason. I can't remember the gentleman's name who I ran with, but I remember the name of his little brother. We had a conversation about mental health, sibling grief and other things....it wasn't long but it was meaningful. I was glad I was out there, the chance meeting giving us both a safe space to talk.

I was pretty happy with my first 2 loops, 4:45 and 5:21. I changed socks after my first loop and wore them for my 2nd and third loop. With the sun going down the trail got much harder to navigate. The water and dark mud made roots hard to see. It was slow going. The third loop went until prob 10pm or later and my feet were a mess. I was feeling the abrasive sand and there was so much in my shoes that it felt like I had a big rock under my toes. I met Jason and we pulled off my socks. My feet were covered in sand and he didn't have any water, so I used half his can of diet coke to wash off my feet, lol. We dried them off and slathered A&D ointment on them, and put on dry socks, also changed shoes. With 2 loops to go I knew my feet were going to be a mess before long. I got a very clear picture of direction from the spirit, that I needed to exercise a little strategy to finish well without getting slowed down by shredded feet and blisters. We dug out some gallon ziplocks and I put my feet in them and tucked the tops into my pants. What I needed to do was the second overnight loop, not worry about how fast I was going, but to go very carefully. I needed to keep my feet dry as long as possibly to give them a chance to absorb the oils in the A&D and replenish the skin from the warped trench foot creeping in. So, I took the 2nd night loop – I felt like a lot slower, but it really was only 10 minutes slower. Every puddle and water mess, I worked my way around it. It meant quite a few times I was stumbling through underbrush in the woods and hopping from stick to stick, then working back to the trail, but I managed to make the majority of the loop with my feet dry. My shoes got wet and eventually my toes poked a hole in the gallon zip locks but still, a good 4 hrs with mostly dry feet was a huge accomplishment. The idea was with that bit of foot recovery, I would go all in the last loop, straight through all the puddles and mud with little caution and hopefully have slightly fresher legs and my feet would hold out having had a chance to de-prune for a while.

Around 4am I started loop 5. I was sooo blessed to have a girl named Madeline come to pace me. Jason and I had met her father when she and I were both running Ute 100 back in August. Her father had been sooo kind, he was literally in tears and giving me the hugest hugs when I met him because he was so grateful, I was out running for suicide awareness and prevention. To have his daughter come pace me, understanding well the cause, was really special.

She and I talked for a couple miles but then I was slowing down being chatty instead of focusing, so we cracked down and got serious and she started doing some solid pacing. Literally one of the best pacers I've ever had. I told her I needed to do under 18 minute miles. The race cutoff was 32 hours, but if you could finish under 30 hours it would be a Western States qualifier. If I kept it under 18 min miles, we would finish between 29 & ½ to 30 hrs. Well, Madeline pushed me much harder than that, going just slightly faster than I wanted to go and super steady, we started pulling out 15-minute miles, even through the mud which was ankle deep by now and thick enough to suck your shoe right off your foot. Some of the trail had dried out from the afternoon sun so we made up time on those sections, and lost a little time as the muddier sections had only gotten harder.

Once the sun was up and it was easier to navigate the dark ground mix of mud and roots, we picked up the pace. I was pretty exhausted and out of gas but somehow managed to move steadily forward. So steady in fact, Madeline and I were crushing past other runners. I counted some 2- ish people the last 15 miles that were moving slowly or death marching on destroyed feet. My feet were not bothering me at all. My knees and shins hurt from sliding around and trying to find footing in the mud. I ran almost all the hills, but there were a handful that last loop that I just had to walk. There are long bridge sections, and it was always nice along those to pick up the poles and jog with no resistance.

Was hoping to meet Jason at the second to last aid station but we missed him by 10 minutes. It kinda hurt my mood a little, but I knew I only had 1 stop left to go and then it was the home stretch.

There were a couple teams of pretty fast runners that we fought to catch up to... at least 3 I can remember, we chased for a while and just when I'd give up hope we'd pass them, they would slow down a bit, so Madeline would step on the gas and we'd leave them in the dust /mud. That made the last few miles a lot of fun, and my last loop became my second fastest, amazingly! I struggled with some nausea and had to do alot of long slow breathing to try and settle my stomach. I did not want to have to stop and throw up. Ups and downs, I was feeling great one mile, in the pits the next. I was still having a 29 hr finish mindset instead of doing the math, so I'd keep pushing.

Was so relieved to push thru the last bit of mud at the finish line with an incredibly surprising 27:49 finish. Super solidly within the Western States cutoff and one of my fastest trail races even with the horrendously wet, slippery, muddy conditions. Since Christmas I've been working hard to drop a little weight and getting in some solid vert training every single week and hitting the vert climber every day before lunch and I think it's paying off in slightly faster, stronger miles. This bodes well for Ouray, I am definitely getting my share of brutal conditions so hopefully I'll be ready for the high Colorado Rockies! Was so super grateful to both Jason and Madeline for all their support on the course. I spent a lot of time quietly listening to music, singing, praying and feeling close to Dexter, and my other angels. I felt like I received a lot of help and strength to finish this race in solid time.

Post race we had a chance to meet up with Noid for breakfast at IHOP. I'd puked my guts out at the car, all over my feet, and after a shower I was still feeling off so I just sipped water at breakfast but we had a lot of fun chatting for a while. We have alot of things in common so it was just awesome to really get to know him. Such a great person and I'm incredibly grateful. I am trying to make every penny count and do my best every mile to raise awareness and help spare someone else's family the grief and pain we have endured.

Buds for life! They both ordered hashbrowns on their side dishes so I could eat them on my way home. :-D

Jason was an absolute saint and drive all but about 3-4 hours on the drive home. With a few naps he had to take when I was zonked out on the mattress in back. We went straight through the night and it took us 25 hours. We both needed a full day just to recover from the drive! I think he slept more than I did once we got home, but I slept for an extra day, lol.

Barring severe weather, I think this is a great first 100 for people. Runnable with a bit of challenge on the course, great aid stations & volunteers. Just plan to camp on sight or arrive super early and be prepared to bring poles, and several changes of shoes & socks! I didn't take any time for pics, so I pulled a few from the internet. The race photographer charges fees for their pics so I'll prob skip getting any official photos. I really prefer races that cover the photography fee. It already costs a friggin arm and leg for entry fees + travel.

I have Forgotten Florida 100 to run in 2 weeks, and Space Pirate 100 the week after, which is the 6th anniversary of Dexters death. :( In the past I've stayed at home and run to the Marine Corps Memorial in Washington DC on that date, but this year I wanted to run an official race to go towards the 100 100s club. Dexter loved Florida so spending a week there to run on his angelversary seems appropriate, and I think the sunshine will do me good. There are so many triggers at home that bring that terrible day when he died, as fresh to my mind as if it happened yesterday. :( 6 years later, I've found grief over your child never goes away. It changes shape and intensity with the seasons, but it is always there. Nowadays I find it's just part of me, and when my heart aches and longs for my son I feel like I've learned from these many, many miles, that he is really never far away. Always close to lend me strength, protection, and very often a good laugh. <3 I miss you always, Dexter.

Jenn, gold star mamma, never forgotten

Nate Dogg, Never Forgotten

440 runners, only about 200 finished, I came in 3rd in my age group.

Total Race Time	27:49:16
Lap 1 Gun Time	04:44:11
Lap 2 Gun Time	05:21:16
Lap 3 Gun Time	06:11:58
Lap 4 Gun Time	06:20:56
Lap 5 Gun Time	05:11:28
Overall Place	118
Division Place	3