Too legit to quit! That's how I feel after running Grindstone this weekend! A masters level endurance run, with 23,200 elevation gain and loss over 101.85 miles, through the George Washington national forest in Swoope, Virginia. This is the first run in a very long time where I temporarily questioned my goals, ability and desire to run 100's. I was completely exhausted, in a lot of pain and only partially conscious crossing the finish line.
DNF @65.5 in 2021
Last year I missed the cutoff at Grindstone at mile 65.5 by only 4 minutes running on a bad knee injury so I felt confident going in this year that my training was on point, though after my last 2 races I was having some IT band hip/hip flexor pain that I thought could derail this run. I didn't run a single mile after Tuscazoar with a little under 2 weeks between races to recover. I was thinking it was a bad idea to put those 2 races back to back, but had no choice because I wanted to run both, ha! I did an entire week of elliptical hiking, about 2 hrs a day at 20 incline & 20 resistance, to simulate climbing the best I could, and got into the hot tub every morning after a workout to try and get things to heal up. The pain came and went, but I was feeling good race morning. We left home @ noon and drove the 2 hrs to the race just south of us. We'd had cool weather for 2 weeks but the forecast jumped back to highs in the 80's for race day. I was not excited about that but came prepared for it. We swung by the race start to drop off my drop bags & get my bib, skipped the pre race meeting because we got a hotel in nearby Staunton and I wanted to try to catch a little nap before the race start at 6pm. I didn't have much luck, my mind was too anxious, but I forced myself at least to be laying down with my eyes closed resting. With a 6pm start and 38 hour cutoff, it was going to be 2 solid nights of running for me.
All dressed and ready to go, just waiting on the clock!
Check in
Walking around to check in and find my pacer Paul at the race start, my hip started giving me a bit of trouble. I was trying not to limp and look like a total gimp attempting this race that was way over my head lol. I'd asked for a pacer in a FB running group and Paul volunteered. We'd never met in person & I was very grateful he would come out to pace me. He not only paced, but, took time off work to drive 3 hours to meet us at the start line and cheer me at the beginning, though we wouldn't run together until mile 51! What a great guy! I hoped he'd have a decent personality to spend 20+ grueling hours with, haha. I was very happy when we met that he was fun and outgoing and talkative, felt like we'd make a good team.
Paul grabbed a short video of the race start and you can see I've already got a solid limp in my pace, I was definitely worried the first few miles going out with some sharp pain in the hip.
Starting the course you run down the road and over a grassy dam, then all the runners bottleneck at the edge of it, crossing through some marshy stuff onto the trail. While standing in line waiting my turn I looked back there were no runners behind me. I thought...great, once again I'm the very last person, lol. The first 2 miles of the course are flat and smooth and I was left behind by everyone pretty quickly. I just told myself to have patience, I was going a pace I knew I could keep for most of the race so I just tried to remember the rabbit and the hare story. Mile 2-5 is mostly a gradual uphill with some steep sections and moderately technical. They felt easier going out compared last year, much lower humidity, but I was struggling with self doubt. Feeling like I was last place, not going as fast as Id' like, nagging injury pain, I was worried I wasn't going to be able to do this and meet Paul at mile 51 in 16 hours. That was our plan. 16 hours to mile 51, add on another 4 hrs for the back half and finish in 36 hours, That was my ideal, optimistic plan, 2 hrs ahead of cutoff. I was afraid I didn't have what it was gonna take. It was pretty early to be letting self doubt get to me. I was struggling with this when a song that reminds me of my Dad came to my mind so clearly and with such a strong force I just felt like Dad was right there telling me I could do it, and to not give up on my dreams. My Dad was always chasing his dreams. Bless his goodness <3 . It's an oldie but wow, gets my heart!
To dream the impossible dream To fight the unbeatable foe To bear with unbearable sorrow To run where the brave dare not go...
To try when your arms are too weary
To reach the unreachable star
This is my quest
To follow that star
No matter how hopeless
No matter how far
To fight for the right
Without question or pause
To be willing to march into Hell
For a heavenly cause
Thank you Dad. I felt like I was literally marching into hell for a heavenly cause. <3
There's a nice downhill just before the first aid station where I made up a few minutes of time and hit the first AS 30 minutes before their suggested cutoff. Last year I was running 30 minutes behind all the soft cutoffs till mile 39ish so my goal was to push to beat every single one. It was still light out at the AS. I remembered they were kinda crabby there last year, and they were this year too, ha! I'm immensely grateful for everyone who volunteers, but a smile is so important to runners. It doesn't take a lot to be an encourager. I asked for some soda after they refilled my bottle with water, then I remembered it was a cup-less race so we just looked at each other for a few awkward seconds. I was like, oh yeah, oops, sorry. Grabbed some delicious homemade choco chip cookies and thanked them & headed out for a very long 9+ mile distance. I knew the first few were run-able, it was trails I had cleared last year, then a very steep climb with some 2400 ft gain in just 2+ miles to Elliotts knob, a gravel road so steep you wonder how any vehicle could possibly drive up it, followed by several miles of gentle downhill but is full of large, loose, moss covered rocks. Without being able to grab some liquid calories at that Aid Station, I drank down my electrolytes in the first 3 easier miles of this section because I knew there was a creek crossing. I refilled there with slightly gritty water, but threw in some liquid IV for better taste and fortunately it cooled off as I came out of the woods to the gravel road so I had plenty of fluid for the rest of the section.
I caught up to one guy, passed a lady on the climb, and as I was approaching the summit got passed by at least a dozen other runners coming back down so I knew I wasn't too far behind. That restored some of my confidence. The views of the stars and city lights from near the top of Elliot were beautiful! Tackled the mossy rocks really well. Last year it was so tedious and slow, I couldn't risk a faster pace on my injured knee. Fortunately my hip quieted down and stopped giving me too much trouble. I was wearing my first brand new pair of trail shoes, Hoka speedgoat 4 (I always buy used!) I spent 2 weeks wearing them around the house to break them in, so the tread on them was new and solid, gripped all the rocky terrain perfectly so I really didn't do any tripping or sliding or stumbling early in the race. Plus it had been dry so the moss on the rocks wasn't slick, thankfully. Made some good time, actually passed 2-3 runners and made it into the next AS about 30 minutes ahead! They were awesome, but sadly they had almost run out of water and electrolytes completely by the time I arrived. I got the last 8 oz of water in their cooler and filled the rest of my bottle up with mountain dew. Gross mix but, it worked. They also had some plastic water bottles full of soda so I drank about 12 oz mt dew and grabbed some m&ms & chocolate bars & headed out. I caught up with 2 other runners here and we sorta passed back and forth on our pace in the next section. The three of us came upon one guy whose lamp was just about dead and he was stumbling in the dark. He'd fallen and really hurt his knee. We all stopped to help. I offered some batteries, A lady offered her spare headlamp which he decided on, I asked if he needed any alieve or pain cream which he declined, so while she dug out her lamp I went ahead up the trail. I think they chose to stay with the runner because I don't recall seeing them again in the race. There was quite a bit of lowland flattish running in this section which was a nice breather from the climbs but didn't last long.
I was really happy to get into the Dowells draft aid station. I had a drop bag there and finally was able to catch up on some hydration with my Nesquick & apple juice, plus the AS workers hooked me up with a couple cups of nice salty vegetable broth. Everyone was so helpful and great and encouraging there. Prob my favorite aid station. One of them asked me about the Marines on my pack and who I was running for and took time to listen and encourage me, which was so awesome. Im always so so greatful when I get to say their names and point out Dexters picture on my front pocket, too. He told all us runners in the aid station at the moment how sexy ultra runners were. It was a weird and funny and mood boosting compliment, Hah. It had gotten a little chilly so I grabbed some arm sleeves and mittens to stay comfortable. There were a few runners sitting in chairs already at this point with zombie expressions. I understood. Only 22 miles in, it was already very challenging out here.
After Dowells draft there's a big long climb. Not too technical. Hard enough I did a bit of counting. 100 steps to the next tree then stop and breath. Luckily I really never did have to stop and breath because the trail would get a bit less steep so I could keep moving, soon was coming down the backside of that climb which is pretty rocky and slow going. It was late night by the time I reached the Lookout Mountain AS. I just remember they had ramen noodles ready to go and I drank down 2. I just assume I rolled through quickly. Alot of descending miles on loose rocky rubble. It was hard to keep a steady pace. By the time I hit the first hard cutoff at North River Gap which was 6:30 am, It was only 5:30 and I was an hour ahead of the cutoffs. I was so relieved I'd made some good time during the night in the cooler temperatures. I took a few minutes to recoup and go through my drop bag carefully. I was still eating food, candy for the most part. The volunteers at North River Gap were so helpful. They got me a chair and got my drop bag, filled my bottle and got me broth and a cup full of tater tots with ketchup and the perfect amount of salt. Man that fixed me right up. Carbs needed for a huge climb ahead! I was feeling confident.
6-7 miles uphill, rocky, some steep, some gradual. There are a few false summits where you go downhill for a couple minutes or it flattens out for like a quarter mile, but then you're slammed with another big huge climb. I was relieved to be going up it well before dawn. Sunrise hit when I was probably ¾ up the climb. Last year the sun was already coming up as I was starting so that made me feel better about my pace. There was a few of us going back and forth on pace during the climb, most were stronger than me but I rarely stopped for a breather this year. I swear it goes on, and on, and on. I was alone for the most part, though the fastest runners started appearing on their return trip. (The course is 51 miles out and back, approx.)
Hitting a particularly hard patch of climb I started counting again and prayed for help. I had this overwhelming feeling of friendship go over my heart and felt like my good friend Benjamin Fountain, who we lost to Covid this year, randomly was there to help me do that portion of the climb. His sweet wife Michelle is so supportive of me and he always was too, having lost a son himself. It was really a great friend and special to me. I felt like he came to help me probably in answer to his wifes kind prayers. <3 Kinda took my breath away the feeling was so strong. Can't really explain it, but if it ever happens to you, someone you love visiting you from the other side, you will know. I also had a special moment with my mom, as the sun was coming up and I took time from staring at the rocks on the trail to appreciate the beauty of the mountains, a monarch butterfly near the top of the mountain randomly was flying next to me and I remembered my sister telling me how moms “sign” for her was a butterfly, one would always appear when she needed her mom. That came to my mind and it felt like a little sweet moment with my mom out encouraging me.
Still climbing, I was on the last long steep portion and it went on forever. I realized that I really need to take “It's quiet uptown” from Hamilton off my playlist because that song gets me choked up every time, so I'm crawling up this hike passing runners, runners passing me, and I'm out of breath and choke sob crying. A temporary emotional wreck! Got a hold of my emotions and made it finally, to the summit. Always gotta have a solid cry, I swear. I'm including a link to it because someone else might need a good cry. An amazing song about relationships and the loss of a child. Jason has gone through so much with me, I'm so grateful for all he has done while we've tried to survive the unimaginable. :(
There are moments that the words don’t reach
There is suffering too terrible to name
After the relentless 7 mile climb the trail leveled out and started downhill on sortof a jeep road which was rocky in portions and my legs felt kinda trashed and unsteady after all the climbs and descents of the last miles. At the 45 mile AS I was able to drink down a few more cups of ramen and a few shots of ginger ale. Thankful though it was a no cup race, that they still kept some around for hot broth & such. There was a guy there talking about how he'd gotten lost and had just run 6 miles off course. Yowtch, felt that pain before! I was still making decent time, though the climb was hard I hadn't fallen too much behind. I got to the last summit, reddish knob just before 10 am, I was pretty okay with that, running only about 30 minutes behind our estimated pacer meeting point at 16 hrs. It was the only time during the race where I actually stopped to take a picture. I just had no time. Fortunately Jason & Paul took a few though nobody ever seems to be able to capture the trail difficulty on camera, haha. Not even halfway, I'm already so trashed! :-D
After reddish knob there was like a 2 mile descent on paved blacktop that was fairly painful to run down. I just couldn't pick up the speed. When I finally met Jason & Paul at the turn around at 10:30, I was running almost 2 hours above the cutoff @ 12:15. which was incredible to me. I wasn't sure how I managed to pull that off but my confidence was hugely boosted. After a quick kiss and hug to Jason, he wasn't allowed to crew me at this aid station, only drop off my pacer, Paul and I took off back up the blacktop climb. We had some great conversation and the miles started to fly by. I was already feeling the miles pretty heavily in my legs but so far my hip and knees were quiet so I had no excuses, just tried to keep up with Pauls easy long steps and strides. We started feeling the heat around when we hit the 57.5 mile little bald knob aid station where I began to complain for the next 12+ hours about it, haha, poor Paul. We saw a little cute green neon snake which was really cool!
I was worried about my legs on the long descent ahead of us, felt so much more technical coming down. Paul was so funny. We would slowly approach runners ahead of me and pass. With a bit of competitive spirit there, he would look back and hold up fingers for how many runners we had passed. It was awesome, many of them caught back up but it was fun, ha. I felt like I was gonna finish this thing and not be DFL aka “dead f-ing last.”
The air was so still and hot, it was tough to breath and I had to really make sure I was drinking enough. A couple miles before the 65.5 mile aid station, the gnats came out in droves. Luckily I knew this was coming from last years attempt and brought a gnat cover for protection. It was hard to breath in so I just pulled it a little over the top of my face and it worked for the most part, though I swallowed a few.
When we rolled into the aid station THREE HOURS ahead of cutoff, I was elated!! Last year I'd been cut here missing it by 4 minutes, and the place was totally packed up, most of the people gone. This year, it looked like a field hospital, full of tired, injured, sick runners and lots of crew. Somehow Paul and I had completely crushed the hardest downhill section of the course and gained an entire hour. I decided it was worth it to take a few minutes to regroup and go through my “list' making sure I was all set for the last 37 miles. I had to ditch behind a tree hopefully out of sight of all the runners and crew, to rub some voltarin into my painful quads, shins, butt, hip & knees, and apply some leukotape over some bleeding chafing skin on my side and upper thighs. We got my shoes off and put on pain cream and a fresh pair of socks & nylon stockings over. No blisters as far as I could tell. I drank a bottle of liquid IV & Nesquick and got 2 bottles to take through the next hot hours plus some juice. I'd packed my neck fan which turned out to be an absolute necessity & I even managed to eat some crackers and salami which tasted amazing... brave because my stomach was borderline. It was the last solid food I dared to eat. One guy nearby had fallen on the descent and sprained both his ankles, another had a super bloody knee. I was grateful to be feeling refreshed and able to move forward. I knew I could finish. It was only 3pm, but with so many hours still to go, alot can happen. I lost almost 30 min at the aid station but I felt like it was time well spent. I knew from there on out we wouldn't be stopping long.
As we left the aid station coming upon the bridge, one of the RD's /photographer got my pic, and we stopped to talk for a few moments because he wanted to tell me how he had a brother who spent all last year trying to take his own life. Thankfully they were successful in getting him the help he needed. It was just one of those moments where its worth pausing the clock to remember exactly why I'm running. Suicide touches too many lives. I was grateful he opened up to me for a few precious moments in this race and it gave me a new surge of determination, remembering the Why.
I hope Paul doesn't mind me mentioning that he shared a little with me about running his first hundred shortly after he unexpectedly lost his Dad. I felt honored to have him share that with me, and it made me feel even more like he was the perfect person to be out running with me, understanding the connection between grief and running and pushing yourself in an endurance event. Its kindof a sacred therapy thing and I was grateful to find we shared that while out on this brutal course.
The late afternoon into early evening was stifling hot. There wasn't the slightest breeze, the trees were still and temps probably 80 or above. Not the hottest I've faced but with the strenuous terrain it was a huge challenge. Because I had the neck fan I was able to keep my face from getting too hot though there was a couple times where I thought I was getting borderline heat exhaustion, feeling a little dizzy, feverish and breaking out in goosebumps. I would dump some water down my shirt and when we met Jason he filled my hat with ice to get my body temp down. I was still hydrating pretty well. I really had to slow down on some of the climbs in the heat though and it chiseled away at my pace. Paul was fantastic. He was so encouraging and let me know my pace almost every mile, keeping track of exactly how far above the cutoffs I was running. Impossible for me to do with my ultra brain ha, & so helpful. He was reminding me every 2-3 miles to drink. A few miles we topped out over the 22 min mile goal (the maximum slow pace you could do and still meet the cutoffs) but mostly we stayed pretty well below that. Just slow forward progress, cranking out the miles to the tunes. We had a big long rocky climb, and easier dowhhill though I don't recall our stop at Lookout Mountain aid station, I was feeling pretty wiped out. One of my favorite miles was listening to Atlas Falls and singing aloud on the trail with Paul. Thats like, one of my most favorite things in the world!
Jason met us next at Dowell draft. We made up some time by then and were close to 3 hrs above cutoff. Everyone was so nice and cheering me in at that aid station again, and we got through really quick with just refills and liquid calories, and a nice salty warm cup of vege broth. I was still overheating and putting ice in my hat, I finally cooled off after that aid station and carried a jacket that I put on occasionally. After that I hardly remember anything at all. I was definitely starting to suffer from sleep deprivation and kindof dozing and stumbling along the trail. Another big climb and drop. All I remember is rocks and trail. We started seeing a lot of other runners suffering, too. Some napping by the trail or throwing up or just standing to the side looking dead. It was really a roller coaster of survival by now. When your energy was up, you jog and power hike, when sleepy or nauseous, you slow to a snails pace. It felt pretty endless.
When we rolled into the mile 87 aid station I vaguely remember saying I needed a 5 minute nap and crashed on the ground on a towel and slept deeply for 6-7 minutes. It was enough sleep that I was able to continue with my eyes open. From Dry Branch Gap until Falls Hollow became a total crucible. So rough. I think every runner was struggling with nausea. We talked to one guy by the side of the trail alone who was super sick. I offered him my last zofran which he accepted and decided to puke before he took it so it might stay down, as we left him sitting there, I could hear him vomiting. I was so grateful to have a pacer to keep me moving forward. The temptation to just sit down or sleep becomes sooo strong. My stomach started getting nauseous so I did lay down for a couple 3 minute naps to try and get it to settle. This was an endless uphill climb on the technical rocky mossy section of trail, it felt like we were never going to get back to the gravel road and the last big final descent with 10 miles to go.
I'd been lucky with no lost toenails so far as I could tell, and no blisters, but my feet and toes were in a lot of pain and when we finally hit the steep gravel road descent from Elliotts knob, my poor bruised toes were just feeling crushed by the steep rocky road. We had to go slow because it was really easy to lose footing and slip on the road rubble. I kept looking forward to the last sections, they were so moderate in the beginning I felt like they'd feel and be easier in the final miles. When we finally got down from the relentless road I was so relieved, I kept waiting for the technical rocks to lighten up...they did somewhat but it was rockier than I remembered coming up. About this time my stomach finally revolted completely. I stopped eating and drinking 10 miles before because I was feeling nauseous, luckily everything digested that I had eaten earlier because when the puking finally hit, my stomach was just trying to purge out every single little drop of anything, and there just wasn't much. I had given away my last zofran. I tried to take some ex strength tylenol but it wouldn't stay down. It was super painful dry heaving. I said some silent prayers for endurance to finish, Right after I did feel better so I had a couple “puke & rally” miles. We went downhill running into the last aid station at Falls Hollow. I was so happy Jason was there to meet us with everything I might need. All I needed was some moral support, couldn't eat or drink anything. At this point I was grateful Id stuck with a low carb diet all the way since March, I knew I'd hydrated okay so I'd felt confident I could cover the last 20 miles without having to take in any significant calories. That helped a ton when I was feeling nauseous to just let my stomach rest. The last 5 miles went on forever. I think Paul must have been sick of my complaining and my tunes long ago. I was very sleepy and at times I felt very strongly like I had invisible hands holding me up and keeping me from weaving off the trail into the woods.
There was a non technical climb up from the aid station, a descent of several miles over fairly rocky technical, though not steep, trails and finally with maybe 3 miles left were run-able but they wound around in the woods forever. My stomach was cramping severely wanting to dry heave but there was nothing in it, so it was just painful sharp cramping. It's been a long time since I felt that sick. My right shoulder and elbow started to really hurt from all the hours working the poles. Paul kept me moving forward...we were closing in on finishing solidly 2 hours ahead of cutoff. When we finally emerged from the woods onto the grassy dam heading to the road and finish I thought...I just didn't even care if I hit 36 hours, I never wanted to run again. I just wanted to be done and lay down and close my eyes, and settle my stomach. I vaguely remember Paul encouraging me across the grass to the finish and giving Jason a hug and Clarke the RD a hug. They got me a chair and I just sat in it for a few minutes, sooo relieved to be finished. 36:02. My mile of despair cost me a whole 2 minutes. Haha. I'm pretty happy that I managed to hold it off for so long so it was only a momentary 'giving up' because we totally completed the race in plenty of time. :-D So so relieved!! Got my buckle and sat in front of the fire for a few minutes. There were cots in the pavilion so Jason helped me inside and I got to say goodbye to Paul and thank him profusely, my hero of Grindstone! <3 <3
I fell asleep on the cot while Jason loaded the car, just so exhausted and satisfied that it was done. Grindstone is a qualifier for Hard Rock 100 in Colorado, considered “graduate level” for endurance runs. You have to have your name drawn in a lottery but you know 100% I'm putting my name in the lottery in November!
Post race, I have had a rough recovery. I slept for 24 hours solid, but woke up a few times to guzzle water & and eat a turkey sandwich. Also took half a cup of milk of magnesia because I've learned that right after an ultra you wanna down a serious laxative because the trauma and aid station food shreds your digestive system and that can be very traumatic lol. Its Tuesday and I'm still limping around the house and took a 4 hour nap today. Also you put on from 5-10 lbs of water weight while your body holds onto fluid to repair itself. Its an awkward week afterwards. I did manage a 4 mile walk on the treadmill just to kindof work out some of the swelling in my legs and feet. I'm very happy after examining my feet, though they still feet painful and bruised I had no blisters, lost no remaining toenails.
I'm glad I have close to a full month before I run No Business 100 in October. The feeling of surrender and defeat I felt running into the finish was just exhaustion and pain speaking, but I do need to give my body a chance to heal up a bit before tackling another 100. I'm so grateful this race turned out so incredibly well. I've put it through a lot in the last 7 weeks! 3 major courses, lots of elevation, the runs in Colorado I think really prepared me for finishing Grindstone. I feel this race was the hardest, physically and mentally, The most elevation gain/loss and there weren't broad sweeping stunning panoramic views that I had out west, just closed tree tunnels full of rocks. It was pretty but not soul stirring beauty that makes you forget your pain. I don't know that I'll have the determination to attempt this course again but since its only 2 hours from home, another year with some tough courses and more experience might change my mind.
Being suicide prevention month, It was really special to get in 2 difficult 100 milers for veteran suicide awareness. I know I'm just one ordinary lady, running around with a few pictures on my pack, but somehow I hope and pray and wish that my efforts will make a difference in someones life. I'm grateful for the one on one conversations with those who have been affected, and the incredibly beautiful relationships I've found within the running community and with the families of the fallen.
As always. In memory of my beautiful son PFC James Dexter Morris
SSgt Taylor L Wilson
Sgt Jacob M Gray
LCpl Jacob Crewson
Nate Dogg
Wow Rosie, it is clear that you have become a warrior! What an impressive performance. When I saw that elevation chart at the beginning of your race report, I was like ... "what the ????".
It's incredible what a great athlete you've become - so strong and determined. Looks like you really lucked out with your pacer -- what a team you two made to bring it home so strongly on the back half.
Congrats on #39 Rosie! Wow! Glad you've given yourself some breathing room before your next race. Good luck and hi to the family!