Devil Dog 100 #62 Triangle Va, Dec 2, 2023

“Top of their game, earning their name They were the devil dogs In a war machine They were the USA marines” Sabaton - Devil Dogs (Music Video) - YouTube I first attempted Devil Dog 100 in 2018, my 3rd 100 miler attempt. It ended in a dnf, because of heavy rain when I got mild hypothermia and quit at mile 65. I did a redemption race the next year, & with dry freezing temps I was able to finish it in 31 hours, because the ground was frozen. It's a “sneaky hard” course...so much so that they have that printed on the race hoodies! 5 loops to run, it has a lot of flat and fairly smooth runnable trails. It also has a fair share of hidden rocks and roots in the leaves that keep you tripping, about 11k gain, and a couple of rolling technical sections. After I finished in 2019 I decided it was one and done! I didn't really plan to go back, until my ultra friend Amy who is also a Marine Corps vet, encouraged me to run it because she was going to. I already had Beast of the East paid for on Dec 9th, and with Jason out of work I really could not afford a $330 race fee. Amy was determined to get me in, so she kept her eyes opened and when a friend of hers, Mike Warren, couldn't make the race because of a work party, she told him mine and Dexter's story. He actually was willing to not only donate his bib for free, but also paid the race transfer fees for me! I couldn't turn down such awesome generosity. With a bit of fear, with a 50/50 finish rate on the course, I was thrilled to accept the bib and go back to Devil Dog. I did have a bit more confidence having more difficult races and weather conditions under my belt. I was planning to do this weekend solo since we couldn't afford a hotel, but Jason's family near Quantico offered to put him up for race weekend, and Mike Tilton from Wear Blue, offered to help crew and run some miles with me. When I oriented him on possible race conditions and gear he might need, he realized it was maybe over his head haha, but instead of backing out and leaving me without a pacer. He got to work and reached out again to the Wear Blue community and found me pacers for each of the three loops last loops where one is allowed. That took a load off my mind, hoping with pacers I'd have enough pressure to keep my pace steady for a finish on the 32 hour course. The final cutoff is a little tight unless you're running that trail in perfect conditions. With the weather looking at least comfortably warm it took away some fear, though I knew rain overnight could be trouble.

The weeks leading up to the race were a bit of a roller-coaster. Jason and I went to visit our Air Force son & wife, Bethan and Isaac, in Georgia and their 2 sweet kiddos, Mason & Evelyn. Isaac, who'd signed up for his first half marathon for January, wanted me to do a slow-paced half with him to make sure he could do the distance. We got up at 4:30, met at 5am and ran the half marathon around Warner Robbins AF Base. It was just the best! So fun to run in the dark with my son and talk about everything, and I was pretty satisfied that he struggled the last few miles because he always makes fun of me for being so slow. He can walk twice as fast as I can run. Haha. We talked a little about Dexter and how we missed him but how we were glad he was free from this fallen world, leaving it with his faith in God intact. That is always a comfort to me when I really am feeling sorry for myself and the ache in my heart. It definitely helped me ease into the holidays having time with Isaac and his family.

With a lonely feeling house at Thanksgiving and decorating for Christmas, some cold damp dark days, I was starting to feel the winter-holiday- grief blues. My treadmill died, and not being able to afford to fix it I was in a funk, trying to get in some training but everything just felt like it sucked. A few days before the race I got a package in the mail. It turned out to be a gift from Wear Blue, with a gift certificate for fancy expensive running leggings, a Walmart gift card and some high visibility training gear. I was sooo touched! Our Warrior 100 project was over, and they were still holding me tight and sharing my burden by supporting my upcoming races. It really lifted my spirits and felt like an inspired gift, exactly what I needed. I was able to stock up on things I was running low or completely out of, like running bras-pants & mittens,chap sticks & waterproof mascara, pain relief of various sorts, rain ponchos and hot hand etc.. I felt determined to show up at Devil Dog screaming Wear Blue and ready to crush the course. Meaning =finish. :-D .

December is a busy grief month for the US Marines I am running for. Not only are the holidays so difficult, but Sgt Jacob Grays birthday is December 3rd, LCpl Jake Crewson's birthday is Dec 6, and PFC Morgan Daly's angelversary is Dec 1. I felt an increased need to pray for their families.

I was up by 2:30 am race day and had to leave by 3:30am for bib pickup and to drop off my drop bag. Jason drove me to the start. It had rained most of the night so I was worried skipping over puddles to get to packet pickup and the start line, remembering my disastrous dnf on the wet course in 2018. It was so awesome to run into Amy, Walter, Eddie and some other runners I know from previous races before the race, but I found my place at the starting line alone, I was going to have to push my limits the first 2 loops to make cutoffs, and knew I wouldn't have time to chat much or be distracted. Plus, I needed the music, the alone-time, the therapy of being on the trails to get through the holidays.

The first loop of Devil Dog is approx 22 miles, the remaining 4 loops are 19.5. The first few miles of the race were fairly slippery and technical with leaves covering rocks and roots with some rude little climbs. After the first 2-3 miles it's fairly pleasant trail to run but you have to keep a close eye out for sneaky roots. I hadn't paid close attention to the distances between aid stations so I was a little low on calories for the first two with 8-9 mile distances. Luckily it was pretty comfortably cool so I wasn't sweating a whole lot. To save some $$ I just used the yellow Gatorade provided by the race. I def got sick of that after awhile, Jason gave me a blessing before we left to the race and reminded me to look to Christ and I would be able to finish. I tried to keep that in mind and every few miles looked at my bracelet and said a little prayer. After the first aid station ,Gunny, there's some fire road to make up time on, runnable trails, & the biggest climbs of the course but they are not technical so I found the climbs more fun than hard, a chance to power hike and rest the running muscles. My HR was running high and I was worried about that, PMS always pushing it high. I prayed about it and though I didn't slow down much it thankfully leveled out after a dozen miles or so. I caught up with Amy at one point and we ran a few miles together. She is a tough cookie and we share similar race strategy so I would have been happy to run with her but our paces were off just a bit so we didn't run together for long. At one point the trail lollipops and wasn't well marked, so I ran a quarter mile or so the wrong way, luckily heard someone shout and corrected it and didn't lose too much time. That section was still a little confusing throughout especially in the dark when everything looks different. A dozen miles into the run I felt a sharp pain shoot across my knee under my kneecap. I thought it was going to potentially derail me but I did some praying over it and just went slower for a little while to see if it was actually an injury or just a random ligament complaint. Fortunately it disappeared and didn't bother me the rest of the race. I was really excited to run a few miles with Eddie my W&OD hero guy who was out with his local running group cheering me on way back when I ran the 200 to Washington DC and back. It is so fun that he always remembers me and we have seen each other at several races. He was faster than me, and left me behind when I made a water stop. My compression sleeves and knee brace were rubbing a few spots raw but I'd had some lingering knee pain after Whispering Grace so I sucked it up to keep the swelling down. It numbed out and I was able to wear them for close to half the miles.

The trail between Gunny and Toofy aid stations is long, approx 8 miles, but fairly fun and fast. After Toofy, not so fun. You get a few miles that are runnable then get hit with steep little technical climbs that are very rooty and trippy. Not too bad when the ground is dry but I knew it would turn into a mess once the rain started. I finished the first loop in 6 hrs so I felt pretty on top of things at that point. Headed out quickly without wasting time at any aid stations for the second loop. The day never really warmed up, was oppressively overcast and grey. I felt like it really affected my mood and energy levels. I tried to push hard but just felt flat and slow. It was frustrating and the second loop took me just as long as the first loop even though it was 3 miles shorter. Jason met me in the afternoon and that was a big mood lifter. I was glad to see him, meet Jessica who was going to pace me at the next aid station, and get refueled with some of my own favorite snacks and things from the car. The aid stations had great food too, I had quite a few hot grilled cheese sandwiches through the day.

I dragged into the second loop finish as it was getting dark. Margaret my awesome crew-pacer-running friend had driven all the way down from Arlington to meet me. She brought me hot bone broth which warmed me up and gave me some salt, and some hot mac n cheese that was sooo good, it pepped me up.

I met Jessica from Wear Blue for pacing there and we left the aid station with a guy I've run with before who is really nice and fun to run with. He's a talker though! We ran the first 10 miles or so of the loop with him which was fun and distracting but it was slowing me down chatting so when he ran into another friend, Jess and I ditched him and moved more quickly along the trail. I felt my mood lift a lot after dark. It was hard to see with some light fog but a bright headlamp seemed far more cheerful than the oppressive day so we made decent time. We had a great time. She ran with me in Washington DC at Warrior 100 so we'd already spend some time together and it was fun to talk with a fresher brain than I had when we'd met before. It started to rain towards our last few miles to the Toofy aid station where we would meet up with Matt for the night who would pace me for 26 mi. My mind is just kindof blank trying to remember a lot of the run in the dark. We hit the aid station where I picked up Matt around 9pm just as rain set in. My brain was already starting to fail and I was having a hard time putting together any coherent thoughts or actions. I needed help with simple tasks and remembering what I needed took more time for me to mentally go through my checklists.

I was so excited to run with Matt. He had muled all my supplies on a bike at Warrior100 for 50k AFTER running the Marine Corps marathon, so we spent probably close to 12 hrs together but because I had some many people from Wear Blue come out to run with me, we really didn't have much of a conversation. I was a little worried how he would do in the dark and rain overnight on the trail, knowing in the rain it was gonna turn into a sloppy mess. My hope was to keep the loops 6 hrs long so that I could have a solid 30 hour finish...with the conditions turning poor I accepted I might be pushing to just squeak in under 32 hrs ...but just as long as I got the buckle, I was okay with that. I wasn't expecting Matt to turn out to be one of the best pacers I've ever had. This guy was so freaking nimble. The fire roads were still runnable on this loop but most of the trail was slippery leaves, mud puddles slippy slopes of mud, and literally small streams. All the low lying trails were flooded and we splashed through miles and miles, completely soaked. Fortunately the weather was warm for the first half of the night or hypothermia may have become a risk. Literally impossible for me to stay dry. My mittens were soaked. I put on waterproof mitten covers which were soon full of water so I had to dump them out every mile or so. I kept them on to keep the warmth in but my hands were completely pruney. Matt was very sure footed on all the technical terrain and pushed me forward. He let me know what my pace was every mile or two and encouraged me to move a little faster, on easier sections he would say, 'lets pick up the pace here for a little while.' Though I'd already put in 60+ miles and was wet, getting chilly and exhausted I tried to follow his instructions and give more than I wanted to . He kept making sure I was eating and drinking. With the heavy rain my light sensor started blinking off and on which was super annoying. He switched me lamps so I could see a little better, but with the rain, mist and shiny slippery leaves it was hard to see well to move forward quickly but there was no room for excuses.

Because it was cool and I'd been drinking a lot and not sweating, I ended up having to make frequent pit stops that loop which was annoying and always embarrassing when you've got a guy pacing lol, so I laid off the liquid calories a bit. Some of my most favorite food out on the course was hot salty hash browns, hot dog, pizza & chicken soup. All the volunteers were so helpful and friendly and just made you feel great. Except one of the RDs coming into the 62-ish aid station at Remi struck fear in my heart, saying I had 7 hours each to get the next 2 loops done so I had to push hard! We got in and out of that aid station in 2 minutes, haha! Matt did the math and I actually had a bigger window to a finish time but we still kept up the pace, hoping to do that loop in 6 hrs. After we talked awhile Matt ran far enough ahead that I had to struggle to keep up ,but it also gave me alone time I needed and I cranked tunes though It was hard to hear with rain splashing down on my poncho, I sang for hours and I had some miles that had so much clarity, I could feel distinctly, the warm feeling of presence and I knew Dexter was out with me. One thing Matt said that was such a boost to me was that Dex would be laughing and loving these conditions (rain mud, misery) because that's the kind of suffering Marines find fun. I can't remember exactly how he said it but just that reminder that this was a course made for Marines who love to do stupid hard stuff was such a moral boost and I found so much joy in those hard slow miles. Imagining Dexter and my other guys with me out slopping in the mud. Matt miraculously pushed me to finish that loop in just about the worst conditions possible, in 5 ½ hrs!! Unbelievable.

Jason met us at Toofy with a better headlamp and I gave up on my “waterproof” mitten covers and threw some emergency bread bags over my hands, the early hrs of the morning were chilly and I needed some hot hands in my shirt and mittens to warm up so I didn't start shivering. It looked stupid but did the job. It got harder to do just about anything with rain gear and bread bags on my hands lol. I was so grateful to have pacers to help me with little technicalities which get so much harder when its dark and you are tired, and in extreme conditions. I felt so much relief, starting my last loop with pacer Stacey & we had banked enough time that I could have walked the entire loop and finished in time, but Stacey is tough and fast, so we determined to push forward and stay under a 6 hour loop. I always feel a little hesitant when having pacers in late miles because they can affect your mood and pace so much. And sometimes I'm in a raw place and can be emotional.

My phone charger died and that meant my music died so I was afraid my pace was going to really drop with no tunes. Stacey was just an incredible friend, we ended up talking straight for 4 hours but at the same time she kept the pace up so I had to still push forward. She asked me about Dexter and then with incredible kindness, listened to my word vomit for hours talking about Dexter's story, his struggles and what it was like losing him. I choked up and had tears running down my face but honestly it was an amazing kindness and therapy to have someone ask about him and then really listen. She didn't try to change the subject or interject her own experiences, just kept enough of the appropriate responses that I kept talking and it was like a gloomy load lifted off my shoulders. People are often afraid to ask us about our dead children even though one of the ways to heal, is to tell their story over and over again. As the years go by, the chance to talk about them comes less and less and becomes more an internal with ourselves. It was such a gift to me. I don't know that she'll ever understand that attention she gave while solidly pacing was just the thing I needed to work some of the darkness out of my heart for the season. We really had fun together and she told me a lot of adventurous stories about her own life.

The lump in my shirt is grapes stuffed in my bra to eat later, lol. Got hard to get into my soaked pockets!

Fortunately the rain stopped around dawn and the trails drained. It was still pretty slick in spots and there was some really treacherous footing on the hilly clay sections of trail. We had to pick our way carefully through the rocks and roots. I was grateful to have my poles. I went down really hard once on my left knee and skinned it, fortunately did no damage to my knee or to my new lulu-lemon pants that were a gift and outrageously out of my price range lol. I was very glad I didn't tear a hole my first time out in them! Ha! I had a few miles where I got to feeling quite nauseous and I didn't feel like eating or drinking, so I dumped everything out of my pockets and bottles so I had no extra weight. I tried to throw up but it didn't help. Luckily it only seemed to last for an hour or two. It felt like forever but I finally heard the roar of the waterfall marking the finish line! One last short but painful climb!

Miraculously though she was with me through the exhausting miles of 80.5 to 100 and we were still running on a slippery course, we pulled in a 5:45 hr loop and I ran into the finish at 29:35. Almost a full hour and a half PR from my previous course time of 31 hrs. I was just incredibly happy and walking (sitting) on air. Amy had Covid a few weeks ago and wasn't able to finish, but she stuck around to cheer me in at the finish and that was super special. What a great friend!

We hung out at the finish for a little bit talking to the RDS and that was awesome. There were new race directors this race and I got a chance to chat with the guy who scared me into the 2 minute stop after loop 3. VERY military lol, He's Navy and hard core... he said his attitude is something like 'get the F out of my aid station' to push us runners back onto the course. He was so great, he said he would love to come pace for me in other races so I need to get in touch with him and take him up on it. I was just literally walking on air though my whole body hurt, especially my butt & calves. I loved hanging out with Stacey and Jason after the race. We went to the cafeteria bldg and had a taco salad served up by a former chef to the Vice President. Was good stuff!

There's not many Marine Corps themed races out there, I am thrilled with the help from Jason, Jess, Matt and Stacy to have really crushed this course in bad weather for a solid sub 30 finish. I can't say enough about the volunteers. So incredibly friendly, helpful and selfless, spending all night out in the pouring rain keeping warm food and encouragement going for all us runners.

Pics don't do my trashed feet justice.

Jason and I went back to his brother's house for a bath and a nap. I was too excited about the race so I couldn't fall asleep, so we went out to a late Mexican food lunch with his mother, bro and wife, Greg & Cathy. It was fun to share some post-race time with them. I'm always a little out of it, hungry and exhausted but on an emotional high. There's just nothing in this world like that feeling of accomplishing a very difficult task. Mexican food always hits right!

My heart was funn. I had spent some of my most uncomfortable hours thinking of Taylor, Jacob, Jake, Nate, Dexter, Morgan, and Jenn whose pic I always have with me now, too. Thinking of their families and the difficult time they would be having this holiday season. I'd also had some time to chat with another Gold star Marine mom of Xavier who I felt I needed to pray for, and for my good friend Jennifer missing her parents Mike and Sarah this holiday. Jennifer gives me the best pep talks and reminds me how important my purpose is and I'm always so grateful for her. She really helped me out of my funk Friday, and get my head on for the race start.

Shortly after I got home I came down with a fever and cold, my head is stuff and I'm exhausted. I've put in 2 5- mile days on the elliptical and basically laid around sleeping on the couch, kind-of useless exhausted and dead. Jason accidentally left my ripe unwashed soaking wet clothes at his bro Greg's house, who graciously dared to wash them for me. Super embarrassing when you know how shady your race underwear looks after a dozen races of sweat and lube and pee, rubbing holes and who knows what else haha. I use them until they're destroyed because why mess up perfectly nice underwear? :-D Anyway, Its Wednesday, I have my washed clothes back and I've barely had time to unpack, then repack, getting geared up for Beast of the East this weekend in North Carolina, with its boulder scrambles and 20k feet of elevation gain. I'm leaving Friday morning and just praying this cold virus will lighten up or I'm gonna be doing constant snot rockets. Not much fun!

So so grateful to wrap up #62 for veteran suicide awareness. Grief gets different as the years go by, but it never goes away, and it always hits fresh at the holiday season when all your losses feel compounded. I am glad I could get out and I hope, do some good in Dexter's memory with Jacob, Jake, Morgan, Nate & Taylor. My Marine Corps buddies who I can't wait to hug one day. I'm grateful for their lives and their presence with me on the trails as we work together to help that “someone” choose to stay. I'm grateful for Matt for reminding me the rain and mud was just the stupid sort of stuff a US Marine would love.

(watch lost a few miles in sketchy woods first lap)