I am still a bit lightheaded so this is practically a novel with a bit of waxing sentimental...but my C&O100 race report for my great friends who don't mind my ramblings. <3 <3 <3 I actually like typing these up into a journal entry. Maybe Aurora will get to read them one day and get to know Dexters mommy better. I was iffy about returning to run C&O canal. It was my first attempt at a 100 mile race last year. I ran in honor of my son Dexter who died by suicide as a result of mental illness 2 months before. I lost training in the time that followed and suffered a huge defeat around 60 miles when whatever I did wrong...dehydration, underfueling, loss of training, sitting too long at an aid station... combined to make the perfect puke storm. Jason was walking me down towards the steep climb to the canal when I ended up in the fetal position, puking my entire guts out for what felt like an hour...then pathetically having my bowels revolt at the same time...doing an army crawl to get behind a tree just off the path with runners going by, just in time. Not surprisingly wasn't sure about this race... :-D I was so disappointed in myself for not moving forward, but I did learn something so valuable in that race...that our minds and spirits can reach a point where we physically and mentally can not see any way to move forward. To not take a simple step forward. To just want to lay by the side of the trail and have the sweet release of death! Reaching this point in my first race helped me get my brain around the pain that leads a person to suicide, where they truly can see no way forward, and they have to drop from the race. I will always wish Dexter had been able to push through the low and finished the race, but I understand why he finished it early. He was a warrior for pushing forward for as long as he did. <3 So anyway...when I completed Blackbeard 100 successfully- after I got over the 24 hour “I'm never running again” I knew I had to go back and finish the canal. Standard wisdom is 4-6 weeks to recover from a 100 mile race so I was pushing it a bit. I got in one slow 75 mile week between the 2 races, 2 low mileage weeks and took the entire last week off. I was having reoccuring left knee pain and pain in my footpad...and stupidly the week before the race when I was only walking about 25 miles got a sharp achilles heel pain. Always happens before a big, race, some random injury! So going into C&O not feeling totally recovered and ready to go, my expectation was to just finish. Went into the race on keto but the night before had a huge bowl of wheat chex with bananas... one food I miss more than anything low carb is cold cereal, haha. I felt a little spoiled with a late 7:00 am start! :-D Was a great temp, high 40s, a little cool..the cold really kicked in though, there was a high wind warning for the area with gusts expected up to 50mph! The wind gusts continued through the day until late afternoon. It mostly made for the perfect temperatures to run in, but there were miles where we were literally running through a pollen storm, the wind gusting so high the air was yellow and full of debris flying around. My sunglasses were in my 28 mile drop bag so I was stuck running with crap in my eyes, coughing and sneezing a bit. I don't generally have allergies so I hoped other runners weren't suffering worse! There was one very large tree that came down in our path. Also twigs and smaller branches were raining down on us...a headwind alternated with a tail wind for most of the day so my pace was reflected in that! It meant very little sweating but the wind is also dehydrating. I ate and drank a lot through the day because I knew later in the night my stomach would get picky. After attempting 5 other 100s this year, I have to say that C&O has hands down, THE best volunteers. I think I refilled one bottle myself the entire race and that was because there were several runners coming in at once. Every stop they called you by name once you gave them your # and no less than 3-4 people would ask if I needed anything offering food, drink, salt tabs, water refills, a chair to sit on. Like you were some important running royalty. I'd do this race again just for these amazing aid stations and volunteers! Because it was 3 loops as the day wore on the workers would recognize you and encourage you even more. Loved it!!! My knee and heel started hurting maybe 5 miles in...but I just hunkered down and waited for everything to numb out. I was really wanting some ibuprofen by 30 miles. Every aid station I grabbed delicious snacks from the huge aid station buffet lines, and took individually wrapped extra food and stuck it down my shirt which makes for a great pocket, lol. I think I carried a Rice Krispy square in there for 25 miles before I tossed it, haha. After the aid station around 45 miles, and nothing but a couple Tylenol at the race start, everything really started to hurt. My quads were on fire. Stupidly I bought a bottle of Alieve and left it at home on the counter, not putting any in my pack. I thought if I did not get something to take the edge off my hurting muscles I was going to have to drop at the next aid station at 60 miles. Jason wasn't planning to come until late night. I started praying I would be able to push through and finish this race. Funny though, I was at the dollar store on Friday and saw this cheapo version of arthritis pain relieving cream, so for the heck of it stuck it in my pack. That saved me, lol. Every pit stop I rubbed it on my quads, knees and heel. It took the edge off for most of the day but wasn't helping by evening. As I was running along a very short stretch of the canal where you can see the road for a few minutes, after sunset, Jason and the boys happened to drive past, coming early to set up their tent. They recognized me in the evening twilight somehow and Jason had the Alieve. SUCH an answer to prayer! 45 min later the pain was dulled out and I got a second wind carrying me to the 70 mile climb where I was planning on meeting Jason. The canal path is just beautiful running alongside the Potomac River, which was impressively high after all the recent rain. Beautiful trees of every shape and size, bluebells growing alongside the shore. I was very touched at the beauty and at what a gift it was to have the day under the trees. However at night...it turns into a long mind numbing monotonous tree tunnel. We had some rain...not enough to get cold but it was enough to make the steep climb to the start/finish aid station that we had to climb 3 times, extremely slippery. I grabbed a stick to keep me from falling as I came in at 70 miles. There was a runner behind me who was pretty shaky on his legs so I offered him my stick...he thanked me and declined, and then completely turfed it, face plant crossing the creek. I tried to help him up but he asked me to just leave him there, that he would be ok, he just wanted to lay there in the water...for a few minutes... I felt so bad! Later that night I observed multiple people running with bloody elbows and shins/knees. Luckily I didn't fall...just stumbled painfully a few times on sticks and the heavy gravel sections of the canal path. So at mile 70, around 1 am I think...this was at the same aid station I fell apart my first attempt...and nearly the same mileage and hour... When I stopped at this aid station the Race Director and several volunteers plus Jason all offered me a chair or food... I was swaying and feeling lightheaded and slightly nauseous so I turned down the chair because I knew it would all be over. I said no way, I'm getting in and out of here as fast as possible. I'm not revisiting the tree. Happily this race has lots of porta potties if you time it right. I was sitting in the porta potty and got soooo nauseous, the thought of having to vomit down that disgusting hole was soo gross, haha. I got out of there fast and drank some flat coke...that steadied me so I grabbed my stick and Jason and he walked with me back down the hike to the canal. Peter also stayed up late to help me <3 I can't remember much else about that stop except that I did not know how I was going to make the last 30 miles. I think the next 8 mile stretch was my lowest point. I was going so slow and was feeling very nauseous and mentally doing math in my head about cutoffs when slightly lightheaded and all alone. I started to despair about being able to finish. I thought I'd end up lying on the side of the canal and Jason would have to come help me walk back. At the next aid station they told me I was still 2 hrs ahead of cutoff and that got me moving. I figured out the only thing to work for my nausea was filling my water bottles with coke and taking a drink every 15-20 minutes. My hands started swelling so I knew I was either over hydrated, had too much salt, or was dehydrated...there isn't a really good way to tell that I've figured out so I didn't push down any electrolytes, I stopped taking salt caps and just drank those sips of plain coke..with occasional water if I felt really thirsty. The only exception was mile 86, 90 and 93...they had ramen broth and ginger broth.. Those little foam cups of carbs and salt were rejuvinating and managed to settle my stomach for awhile!! The other thing that really plagued me was killer heartburn. I kept taking tums but they only sortof helped. Made it hard to eat anything. Any time I tried to pick up my pace I was hit with extreme nausea so I got myself into sort of a steady speed walk /run and about that time my playlist on my mp3 player hit all my most favorite songs, so I zoned out almost into a meditative state and sang along to the songs (badly, my apologies to the runners I passed lol) Dark tree tunnel...singing...one foot in front of the other for hours and hours and hours. I kept seeing what I thought were landmark bridges, but nope, just trees. I thought I saw a german shepherd in the grass, but it was just grass. Lol! My brain was mildly half asleep and my eyes half closed. I almost ran more with my arms than my legs, I really put effort into keeping my arms moving and my legs just followed suit. I kept that up the last 8 hours of the race. Somewhere around 6 am it started raining...for like 4 hours. The temp was comfortable so it wasn't too bad until the wind kicked in. My zipper broke at that point so I had to put my coat on backwards to block the wind. Jason was my savior meeting me at the 90 mile checkpoint with a dry coat, a rain poncho and the ability to reach my shoes (my body was too stiff at this point, lol) he took out my shoe inserts which ended up giving me a tiny pea sized blister, and dumped out a bunch of little rocky gravely sand. That got me going down the last stretch...10 endless miles of this once beautiful, now monotonous canal path. Sunday morning, I always feel a little bad on Sunday mornings running because I have to miss church, but it is just inevitable if I want to do 100 mile races, I'll never be fast enough to be done for church, haha. But, I spent a few hrs listening to church music..which surprisingly can have a decent beat to move to when you're crawling/limping along, haha. Though not in church I feel like I am close to my Heavenly Father and able to really pour my heart out on these solitary miles. I tried to listen to LDS General Conference but with sketchy internet the downloads have this female electronic voice and I could only stand that for like 10 minutes, haha. I spent some time talk to Dexter about my race, about how life with the family was going, how I missed him, how I was handling living without him here. I found a few heart rocks along the trail and the most perfect one popped out at me from a dark muddy spot when I was talking to Dexter. I always feel like he's dropping me little signs of love. I had one really special experience... maybe people think it's delusional but I know its real. So we had this political song we used to listen to on family road trips called “Rise up”... such a great song, but the song starts out with a muted voice saying “I regard myself as a soldier, a soldier of peace” When that song came on my mp3 player for a moment I could hear and feel Dexters voice whispering the words to me... and the thought came into my mind of all his happy memories of family road trips and that he is still a 'soldier of peace' doing work on the other side, in the spirit world. I was just flooded with this feeling of love from him and I stumbled along the path bawling my eyes out. Sometimes I pray and wish I could just see his spirit for a moment, in a dream, or in the background at home or some other place when I'm especially missing him...but moments like that let me know he is still close and still loving me and the family. I miss him so much.... Well funny, at the start line I sortof laughed at the runners who thought they needed trekking poles for this flat race... they would have been laughing at me. The lack of elevation change overworks the same muscles and gets pretty painful. Having trekking poles apparently on level ground also helps relieve that pressure on your legs and keeps you moving forward. I saw a girl just ahead of me using two branches for poles so I found my own tree branch. Kindof made me laugh because I was wearing my lord of the rings leggings and had my walking stick...definitely was crawling through Mordor, lol. I was too tired and stiff to dump the wet gravel out of my shoes the last 10 miles so I just shuffled forward. (Amazingly Xoskin toe socks kept me blister free!) Sometimes I shut off the music and just listened to the pounding of the river...which is so impressive and beautiful especially around Harpers Ferry. Last 3 miles the sun came out, wind died and it got hot, had to tie my jacket around my waist...and then it was just pure misery moving along sooo slowly every turn in the path wishing it was the turnoff to the hill at the end. Just felt like the race was never going to end. I heard one last runner who didn't make the cutoff was last seen at that final stretch, just sitting on a rock. Completely zoned out & not moving. It was so sad because I could just imagine it...every step forward was just hard. I started sending Jason weird texts, Adam said to Jason that I must really be feeling bad because I texted '2tired4text' lol. I burst into tears when I saw Jason waiting for me at the turnoff. I knew I still had the last steep climb but I knew I'd made it, and was hoping to beat 29 hrs so that I was still an hour before the last cutoff. I had sadly thrown my walking stick away in disgust a mile before that because I was too tired to carry it, so I found another stick and used it to climb up the hill. Jason hiked behind me to make sure that I didn't fall. The climb actually felt really good because it was a different muscle group so I actually picked up my pace the last half mile or so. Seeing Peter up at the finish line running down to see me was so awesome, Jason ran ahead to grab a photo and Peter crossed the finish line with me. I cried, I was so happy to be done!! I beat it!!! I talked to one guy, it was his 6th year running this race and he said for some reason it seemed especially hard this year, he was a few hrs later than all his other times, we decided it must have been the strong headwinds possibly taking an early toll. It sounded like nearly half the runners dropped out around 60 miles. Anyway, I immediately laid down on the ground and put my feet in the air, I read somewhere it helps keep you from vomiting when you stop a race and all the blood flow starts leaving your muscles, where it is diverted to while you are exercising. They served up amazingly huge catered hamburgers at the finish line while we finished waiting for all the runners to come in. I ate mine and half of Jasons haha. I was brought to tears watching the 6 or 7 runners who came in behind me, climbing the hill to the finish. Some of them started running up the hill. One guy walked a few feet, then stopped, then walked a few feet, and stopped. Each one crossing the finish line with absolutely nothing left in their body but SHEER will pushing them to cross the finish. It was sooo moving. Even though at times during these races I question my sanity, think this will be my last race, thinking this hurts too much, why am I doing this... when you get that buckle and the sense of accomplishment hits knowing you gave it everything you had and more... it is just the most rewarding feeling in the world. I love being part of the ultra running community! I ran a few miles with a lady I ran Devil Dog with...we both dnf'd that race because of the extreme mud. Also ran with a lady out on a bike while her husband was doing his first 100 and it was just such a great chat...and talking to runners as we passed back and forth through the night, talking about running experiences or troubles we were having, its just such a great bond. One guys tip to drink some ginger soup at the next aid station settled my stomach for several hours. After all the buckles were awarded we drove home and I was in tears at extreme cramping in my legs, luckily had a magnesium tablet in the car so that really helped quickly. It was Sunday but my stomach was feeling pretty particular so Jason picked me up dinner at Arbys...my fav reward meal, it has to be Arbys or Sheetz quesadilla :-D A day later I'm still hobbling around, but this is my best recovery yet. I didn't need help getting up and down the stairs and I walked a mile, cleaned the house and did some race laundry. Still have an upset stomach...I think my electrolyte levels get really wacked out. Eating salty food and drinking ginger herbal tea has helped. I have the viaduct 100 in July that right now I'm dreading, haha, I'll forget the pain and be excited soon enough, and training for No Business 100 in October which is an amazing mountain race... maybe possibly looking at Devil Dog again in December but if I do it will be a late registration so I can see the weather forecast. That thing is horrible in muddy conditions! This race closed out my april 2018-April 2019 races. 6 100 miler attempts. 1 ended in stomach disaster, 1 ending at 89 miles due to race director error, 1 ending at 72 miles due to mud and hypothermia...those are sad...but I'm super happy and proud to have three 100 buckles in my first calendar year of running 100 mile races. I'm just so grateful that God gave us these incredible bodies that can accomplish far more physically than we can sometimes imagine. I'm also grateful for all the life lessons I learn in ultra running. I'm honored to have had a wonderful, hilarious, smart, freedom seeking son whose spirit inspires me when I run. Running in his honor is a way that I can continue to be his mother. I've thought often about how grief is a lot like the despairing night hours of ultrarunning... you are carrying an uncomfortable pack, every step hurts, everything is a dark tunnel...you are dizzy and lightheaded and moody, you know you can't quit so you just keep putting one foot in front of another through what seems like an endless night, but then you also have these beautiful moments where the sky opens up, where you get a second wind, when you feel someone is praying for you and the pain lessens just for a time...you know if you keep moving forward eventually the morning will come and the race will be over. It gives me hope that when I come to the end of my life that my other son will come running down the hill and help me cross the finish line.
C&O Canal 100 mile ultramarathon #3!
Updated: May 2, 2022
That race report was a real roller coaster ride. Thanks for writing it and I hope you make it to 100 of them.