Bootlegger 100 #71 Jackson, Georgia

I drove out to Georgia a week before BL100, with some friends running the Georgia Death Race the week before this race. I had an emotionally grueling week after giving away my sheep and rabbits, packing up my car and moving away from my farm. It really hurt my heart. Fortunately made arrangements to get my bees to my new place and maybe some chickens later. I hoped I didn't cause too much hurt to my kids still around the farm, knowing they're all pretty much adults now and that Jason would still be there for them. I moved to a runner friends property in Southern Virginia just to make the break and to try and make the decision where to go from there. I never really quite fit in with my local church congregation after Dexters suicide, so didn't really feel I had a place there to turn for help, so I felt incredibly grateful for the ultra-community that has been like a second family to me to act as a safety net of friends to fall into while figuring out what's next in life for me. GDR was over Easter weekend, and I was pretty wrecked emotionally. Lack of sleep from anxiety and various things, missing my Mamma, Dad & Dexter, cutting off my old life, not having the usual Easter traditions with my kids, my heart was heavily burdened. I got in a few good runs out under the moon and did a lot of praying, but grief waves hit harder than they have for a long time. Even though I managed to find a local Latter Day Saint chapel and go to services where I felt a sense of safety and knew I'd always find home there, I questioned everything going on in my life. It was a really rough day. Gratefully though I was too full of fear and sadness to get help I needed on Easter, it came to me in a scripture the next morning while out on a mountain run. I love that I always seem to find answers in the mountains. Its honestly kindof crazy how many years can go by, over six for me now, but grief still has the power to sweep your foundation from underneath you and leave you struggling in the waves to breath and tread water. “Cast your mind upon the night that you cried unto me in your heart, that you might know concerning the truth of these things...Did I not speak peace to your mind concerning the matter?What greater witness can you have than from God? … Doubt not, fear not.” Just gave me confidence that I'm on the right track, and I can keep moving forward in this leap of faith and that despite the sadness and trials, my Heavenly Father will always be there to smooth my path and make my way straight.

That peace kind of blew a hole in the grief waves and I felt peace all week. I love camping but have done very little of it in the last 20 years, so I spent the week leading up to Bootlegger at Amicalola Falls, Georgia. I had a chance to hang out with friends and also spend a lot of time to myself. It was cold but beautiful and I was able to get in some good vert training as well.

Kevin Silvey had been down to run GDR and offered to crew and pace my race, but spent the week violently sick. Still he managed to give me a ride to my son Isaac's house, so I had the chance to spend time with him and his wife Bethan and my 2 adorable grand-babies Mason and Evelyn. I was so excited that Isaac was going to come help pace me for 10-20 miles, and Bethan was going to bring the babies to the finish line. It did my heart good to hang out with them. We talked all about the family circumstances and they fed me well with some spaghetti and beautiful homemade sourdough, so delicious! I ate WAY too much of their perfect bread, haha.

The weather looked dry and cool, an absolute pleasure after the muddy mess of races I've been running this spring. The park where the race was being held was a beautiful nature preserve.

We camped out at the start line, and while hanging out we met a runner named Kyle out preparing for the 10 miler on Sunday and struck up a conversation with him. So so meaningful! Kyle told us how he had been a heavy drug addict, into everything including meth. He told us how one day after a severe trip on mushrooms, he felt God step in and rescue him in an undeniable miraculous way, and now just a few yrs later he is totally clean, attends church, has his children in his life again and runs for his mental health. He was just the nicest guy and he reminded me a lot of Dexter. Kevin told him Dexters story and we had a really special conversation. Set my weekend off right, and I felt grateful to be out running for men's mental health and veteran suicide awareness. I enjoyed a clear night sky of beautiful stars and the late race start of 7:30 am meant I had a decent nights sleep, after what's felt like weeks of restlessness.

Early miles of the race were pure bliss. The cool temps in a coat were perfect, the trail had a lot of small climbs that were constant, but I could run them all. Some moderately technical sections but really just beautiful, runnable single track. I felt amazing, my pace was great and I couldn't imagine anything going wrong on this course. Two separate 5 mile loops made for more diversity in the scenery as the trails wound all along through the forest. The new leaves on the trees were a vibrant neon green against a vibrant blue sky and my heart was filled with joy. I chatted to a friend, Richard, for a short time, but I soon purposely fell behind the conga line so that I could run by myself and have the trail to myself. Felt a deep sense of presence and clarity on the trail and the morning went by quickly. Dexter felt close, and also had the impression of Kevins nephew PFC Dillon Jutras, out running some friendly miles with me.

This weekend was my church's semiannual general conference, so I spend 2 hrs listening to talks, music and sermons and my soul felt light, guided and happy. My pace felt great, I was doing what I felt would be a 27-ish hour finish, eating well and enjoying havin Kevin cheer me on at the aid station crew crossroads every 5 miles. I filled up on my fav treats in the morning, donuts, circus peanuts, chocolate... some hot dogs I brought with me. I had a few conversations about mental health and suicide with some military veterans out running the 100 as well. That meant a lot to me.

Maybe I ate too much sugar, or the solid morning sun & pace & humidity got to me but right around 20 mi into the race I started really struggling with nausea, and wondering if I would have the stamina and stomach to finish. I really slowed down and struggled alone feeling depleted. I finally took a few minutes to sit on a log and throw up, and ended up puking pretty violently until I had expelled everything in my gut. Kevin had been sick all week with a bad norovirus he'd picked up and had been vomiting and I was worried I had picked up a touch of it. I walked for about a mile trying to regroup, when I got a phone call out on the trail from my bishop. I took it and we had about a 30 min conversation, something I'd been needed to have since deciding to get a divorce. It was a good talk and I felt a burden lifted from my shoulders knowing I had his compassion, understanding and support. Once I was done talking to him I felt better and was able to pick my pace back up. I kept hydrating and switched to smaller amounts of regular meal -type foods. Kevin was running the stove and checking out the aid station for me. I fueled a lot of the afternoon on fruit & chocolate milk. Ended up eating a ton of bbq corn chips through the afternoon. It got warm so I had to get my thermal shirt off and was running in my tshirt till it colled off towards evening. Kevin wasn't feeling well but every loop took time to walk through the aid station with me and make sure I was okay before crashing again. I listened to the second afternoon session of LDS Conference, and then was super thrilled and excited to have Isaac and Bethan and their kids show up at the race for dinner and to say hello. Isaac was planning to come out and run with me once it got dark. It was so fun to see the grandbabies, Evelyn was collecting rocks for me, which was super freaking adorable.

Kevin had ordered some pizza and a big dish of this delicious chicken alfredo, I ate a huge plate of it going through the aid station, so delicious and it sat well in my stomach.

Isaac made it back out before dark, & around 8pm, he hooked up his speaker so we could listen to the last session of Saturdays conference together. There were 2 talks that really hit home, one about marriage and divorce and another about finding happiness and joy in life. They were so good and so well timed, it was as if they were meant for the two of us to hear! I had such a good time with Isaac, he stayed out for 4-5 hours with me running mile 45-60. We talked about everything and laughed and he kept me moving at a good steady pace. Isaacs always been such a great son, cheerful, playful, always doing the right thing and so so funny, but gentle hearted and caring. He's always teased me to death and I adore him. haha. I'm proud of his decision to serve our country in the Air Force, he's a great husband and father, brother and son. <3

We spent 4-5 hrs together on the trail. He dropped at 15 instead of 20 because he was exhausted. He's always making fun of me for being slow, and he can run solid 9 min miles, but a hilly trail gave him a taste of how hard a 100 miler and running all night really is. It was great. He later said about our run, “Had the wonderful opportunity to pace with my mom on her 71st hundred mile race! I lasted a PR distance of 15 miles, and now have a more profound respect for her insane endurance! “ Made me feel proud and happy!

I'd been having hydration issues all afternoon and through the night, so I was kindof relieved to be running alone because I was having to pee constantly and its super annoying and embarrassing when that happens with a pacer around. Kevin had planned to run 30 with me, but was way too sick, he managed to stumble out of his tent and cook some food for me, then disappear into a coma. He made some some fancy chicken & quinoa with mushrooms & onions. He tried to get me to eat it but I had a later round of nausea and couldn't really get it down. I did some fueling on coke and gingerale. Later was feeling better and ate another plate of alfredo, some pizza, a BBQ sandwhich and the chicken dish throughout the night. Kevin was sleeping and sick but kept his stove burning on low so that I had hot food at the end of every loop. The night got really cold and I ended up having to put on a heavy coat and pull out hot hands for my shirt and gloves. It dipped into the high 30s. I had some rough heartburn and was chowing down tums all night. It's been awhile since I didn't have a pacer or companion overnight. I stayed alert and really enjoyed just singing & looking for Dexter and my marines out there. When I have physical help, the spiritual subsides somewhat so it was great to lean into the strength of my unseen team. I prayed for the families of Taylor, Jacob, Jake, Dillon, Nate, and Morgan. By morning I was moving pretty slow, 16-18 min miles, definitely dragging, fighting nausea again. I spent most of the night eating Kevins food but drinking gingerale. The race had an awesome DJ who kept things upbeat all night long, and frequently commented on me running with my plates of hot food, haha. A little after sunrise with 15 miles to go, I headed out on loop 2 and kindof out of nowhere a guy named Chris ran up to me and asked if I'd like a pacer. He was local, super friendly, fun guy, very Christian, he'd been nudged by the spirit to get out to the trail earlier than usual to volunteer at the race and just happened to cross paths with me when I wasn't really in a good place. I didnt want to accept a pacer, I was still peeing frequently, tired, not in the mood for chat and not feeling mentally strong, but I took him up on his offer and we ended up having a great 10 mile run togther. He really pushed me up a notch and we got down to some solid 15 min miles. He ended up being a pleasant companion and enjoyed talking so I could just listen, was really grateful for him, he shared his deep faith in Christ and as we ran, he helped me cut probably an hour off my finish. All the other runners seemed to be struggling as well. PIc of Kevin & I at mile 80.

Isaac and his family came back by mile 95 to cheer me on, I was so happy to see them and Kevin, I felt in good spirits. Kyle who we had met Friday evening was waiting at mile 95 to give me a big hug and wish me luck, we snapped some pics and I headed out with Chris on the last loop. I started feeling great, I shed my cold nights gear as the day had started warming up and started the last 5 mile loop with Chris, but I had my 2nd wind with sunrise and took off, Chris couldnt keep up with me and I was too focused on the finish that I left him. I was able to tune into Sundays morning session of LDS general conference, slowed me down a little but I wouldnt trade the light and peace and messages I needed to hear for a little tempo. Laughing at this pic with Chris & Kyle, got another plate filled with some of Kevins gourmet cooking :-D

I got very overheated the last couple miles. Ended up hiking a little ways down to the edge of a river and dunking my head and pouring cold water all over myself, including drinking some of the water to get to the finish. Was sooo sweet and made my whole weekend to round the final corner at the edge of the pond and see Isaac and little Evelyn out with me. She had a little bag of rocks for me, and we ran to the finish together.

I was so wiped out I crashed on the bench once I got through the finish line. Felt so much happiness having Isaac and his family there, and of course my best of friends, Kevin at the finish! Once I laid down on the bench and let my stomach settle, I felt great, hardly sore legs at all. Took a sink shower using Lysol cleaner to try and clean up, then we headed to a big pasta post race meal.

Kevin was still sicker than heck but drove us back to Galax Va where I have relocated to, and I managed a few days of rest and recovery before heading north to finish moving out of my farmhouse in Berryville, and next stop this weekend Cherry Springs 110 near Coudersport PA. My total finish at bootlegger finish was like 29:24, strava only recorded moving time, which is dumb. I took 3rd place female overall. That was pretty great.

It's been an emotional week, final transition moving fully out of my home and not quite sure what the future is going to bring, but I feel peace and faith strengthening me moving forward. After Cherry Springs, I am taking a full month off to prepare for my string of extremely difficult 100 milers, Cruel Jewel in May, a triple qualifier double night race with 32k feet of vert, Froggy Mountain 100 in June in Galax Va with close to 50k feet of vert in 99 mile loops, double night as well, the end goal being my A list race in Colorado mid-July, High altitude with 42k feet of gain over 2 nights, Ouray 100. Things are about to get real! Cherry Springs has 20k feet of climb over 2 nights through international dark sky territory in northern PA, following tree blazes and a gpx map, no course flagging, very technical trails with 12-15 mi between aid stations. It was really fun to run a safe race like bootlegger but now I'm looking forward to a real backwoods mountain adventure.

Grateful for the spirits of my Marines who inspire me and led me through Bootlegger, I know I'll need to rely on their help this upcoming weekend and look forward to our hours together while we try to raise awareness about military and veteran mental health through miles & action.