Beast of the East 100 #63 Kings Mountain NC

"Tossed like the waves of the sea,

twas a storm around me,

my soul raged endlessly.

Now, oh the calm that I feel,

A serenity real,

since you said "Peace, be still." -Galilean Sand-

This song was on on my heart the last few weeks. The holidays are a walk on the razor edge of grief and joy. Getting out into the mountains, into crazy storms and finding peace, and friendship with those Dexter has sent to my life, as well as purpose and little miracles that show Gods love, they help me stay in the moment and find true peace, even on the days of sadness.

2 days out from Devil Dog just as I was starting to walk/jog a few miles to get the kinks out of my legs and get ready for Beast of the East I got slammed with a buttkicking virus. I was feverish, achy, and completely destroyed energy-wise. I spent most of Tuesday – Thursday asleep and sick on the couch, stuffing toilet paper up my nostrils so I didnt shred the skin under my nose before race day! Thursday into Friday my head was still stuffy and congestion was moving into my chest with a raw cough. I was really concerned I was going to be too sick to run Saturday morning, but I wouldn't seriously entertain calling off the race. Not with the worlds best crew of Paul Tilley and Kevin Silvey lined up to help me! RDs from Froggy Mountain and literally two of my most favorite people in the world. I thought abt going to the doctor for a Covid test but since Jason lost his job I realized I'd lost my medical insurance. Instead I tried to tough it out with rest and some anti viral herbal teas. Jason and our missionaries from church gave me a blessing that I would be healed enough to race on Saturday, and in the prayer Jason also felt inspired to tell me there were people at this race that I needed to meet, who needed the message I'm carrying. <3 With that, I tried to stop worrying and just have faith that it would work out. Well, Friday morning I woke up actually feeling mostly human except for a runny nose so I packed up the car. My runner buddy from Ohio, Adam, who paced me at Buckeye and Whispering Grace, drove to meet me at our home and after a pancake breakfast to carb up we car pooled the 6+ hr drive to Kings Mountain NC. Jason said a prayer for us before we left for safe travels, and Adam read a Jewish prayer in Hebrew and english and I've never heard one so that was pretty special. Felt safe and good on the drive, it was long but we enjoyed the talking.

Adam wasn't sure even at this close hour to the race that he wanted to upgrade his race from 50 to 100 miles. He had been hit by a car in January and almost killed, and though suffering from disabilities as a result of that accident including excruciating concussion headaches, he pulled out 100 miles at Froggy Mountain on a whim. Knowing what an excellent athlete he is, I kept encouraging him to take the risk. I knew he could finish this course, and so literally at packet picket he committed to running the full 100. I loved his spirit and willingness to take the leap of faith.

Earlier in the week Jason and I had been talking and I let him know I was planning to put down another 20+ 100 milers this year. We got in a little tense debate because we have no income coming in. I quietly determined that even if I had to throw $10k on a credit card with him out of work, or get a job pushing carts at Walmart, I would make it happen. I just knew and felt the Lord had promised I would finish this 100-100s mission and somehow it would work out. Well, Jason's good buddy Neill, from gaming for years, suggested to him that I should be looking for sponsors or set up a gofundme. I had done one way back in the very beginning of my journey, so over the weekend Jason pulled it up and revived it, and posted it on facebook. Well, this same incredible man in an overwhelming gesture of support-friendship-love-inspiration, made a huge donation to the gofundme. I'm driving down the road in the dark in North Carolina and get a notification on my watch of a $2200 donation. I literally almost drove off the road from shock. I called Jason who confirmed it and I just started crying... it was literally an answer to my prayers and a Christmas miracle. I was flooded with emotions and gratitude that I didn't have to put races on hold while waiting for Jason to get employed. In my mind these funds and the several 100 dollars that generously flowed in along with this, are sacred funds, and I will put my whole heart and soul into making sure the races ran with that $$ will be 100% my best efforts, and I will remain passionate and outspoken throughout about raising awareness about military & veteran mental health and suicide. Just truly blown away and so so grateful and humbled by the incredible generosity.

 We had been planning to camp -me in a car and him in a tent- in a walmart parking lot but after the long drive and packet picket after dark, it was hard to feel motivated to rough it outside, getting ready for the race. I was also worried Adam might have a headache attack without a good night's sleep, so we split the cost of a room at a Quality Inn. I lost my drivers license in the car but had my expired military ID, luckily the motel clerk didn't look at the ID very hard at it. I took the floor with my camping mattress and managed to get to bed by 9pm for a 5:00am wake-up. We agreed as two wholesome people who strive to live lives of religious integrity that Adams bib number would not be mentioned, LOL.

I was pretty well ready to head to the race start when Adam got up, we both took time to say our prayers, his Jewish, mine Christian, before we headed out.

Lucikly we were running early because the start line was kindof a mess. Way more cars than anticipated so I wasnt sure how my crew was going to be able to crew me out of my car, but the RD helped us get a decent spot along the road, and when we found Paul and Kevin they assured me I was in good hands, they would handle all the trips to get my stuff from the car if needed and would be ready for me. I am so used to being on my own for the first half of a race, that I was excited they planned to meet me at every aid station and crew the entire race. They are just the best team and exude love and friendship and motivation and belief! There was no option to do anything but finish this race with them as my team. It was really cool pre-race to run into a bunch of people I knew, and to meet half a dozen people I hadnt had a chance to meet but knew me through mutual friendships. Was such a positive community feel and really gave me a good head to start the race, and I was feeling great.

I planned to just run alone so I could put my head down, jam to music and get in the miles as painlessly as possible. That unfortunately turned into quite a feat. Though I felt great, my body was definitely fatigued and drained of energy. I wasn't at the very back of the pack but the first climb really wrung me out... I was working way harder than I should have to climb a gradual non technical climb. Seriously had me worried. I tried to trust in the fact that I knew my brain and body would eventually give up fighting me and accept we were out for the duration, and switch into survival mode. After the 100s started, there were multiple other distances (50, 25, 15) who started the race and it was really frustrating and annoying to be feeling bad and having to step off the trail constantly to let the faster shorter distances run past. I tried to not let it get to me but I am sure I lost alot of time having to start and stop constantly. It really boosted my morale to see Paul and Kevin at the first aid station with my drinks and quick pep talk, got me in and out and moving forward. Sometime before I met them again at mile 26+, the main Wolfs den aid station, I had found my groove and was at least moving well, if not as fast as I liked. My head had cleared, aside from the occasional impressive snot rocket and cough, my cold really didnt give me too much trouble other than the overall fatigue.

The course start/finish is roughly middle of the course. You run an out and back each direction, both directions have a gnarly steep summit. The trails are rolling, moderately technical with some easier fireroad type terrain, the climbs are quite technical to the extreme with some boulder scrambles. They don't last long, but multiple passes for 30+ hours add up and it feels quite gnarly.

I had a couple notable chance encounters during the daytime loop that meant a lot to me. I had a gentleman ask me about the Marines on my pack and why I was running for them. I explained about Dexter and how I was running for veteran suicide awareness. He thanked me for being out, because his best friend, though not a veteran, had taken his life a year before. We both got teary eyed and talked about how we had the responsibility to be out in the mountains like this, living life beyond the fullest because we had to live for them and for us both. We said we knew they would be out running with us . It was just a brief few minutes but as he zipped past me after the conversation, I felt we were both lifted and comforted by that mutual understanding. <3 I also got to hike/run a few miles with two ladies who were out for their first 50 miler. They were both young moms and we were talking about how important it is to make time for yourself as a young mother, to not let who you are get lost in the overwhelming job of being a mom, and about what a good example they were setting for their kids, especially daughters, showing that they could be mothers and still chase their dreams. It was a great conversation and as I shared some of my struggle of raising 8 kids and losing Dexter, I felt like it was just an important moment for the three of us as ultrarunning moms to share that space and conversation. A guy and I'm not sure his name, came running past us as we were moving along and told the two girls, “You don't know it, but you are running with a legend. This woman is going to go down in ultrarunning history.” I laughed because I'm sooo slow and barely making time on this loop, but he made me feel like a champ and really boosted my confidence. It was the sweetest!

Another amazing moment I had was running along an out and back, this young handsome guy named Dominic stopped me, moving way faster than me and probably out running the 25. He asked if I was the lady who was running the 100s for veteran suicide awareness. He said he was an active duty Marine, a Gunnery Sgt I think? But he thanked me for what I was doing and said how much he appreciated it, and he gave me a huge hug. It was just a momentary meeting but it caught my heart and I had tears running down my face. He's the guy I'm out there for...they have it tough and have to know we are fighting for their lives while they are working to protect ours. <3 <3 <3

Well, the first loop took 8.5 hrs and I was pretty discouraged. It had a solid 1.25 extra miles meaning with 4 loops we'd be looking at a 105 mile course. I was doubting myself but kept moving forward as best as I could. It only took a couple aid station stops and weird food flavors before I realized that I couldn't taste or smell anything. I'd brought some strawberry meal drinks that I normally like to use as fuel, but all I could taste was a weird chemical flavor. Nothing seemed to taste right or taste like anything and I realized that I possibly had Covid. Paul and Kevin offered to make a store run for me and get me some chocolate milk, and honestly they saved my race by doing that, 100%. As the day and evening wore on it got harder and harder to fuel. My plan was to mainly eat aid station food but losing my sense of taste, everything tasted like a mouth full of powder. The only real food that tasted remotely good was when Kevin gave me half a hamburger and some grilled cheese, with a big fat pickle. I had just enough taste that I could taste the pickle so I could choke it down. Otherwise everything was a struggle. Fueling basically came down to Gingerale & Pepsi at the aid stations, bottles of Nesquick and chocolate milk that the guys got for me, and a bottle of apple juice/cranberry juice that I'd stuck in my stuff as an emergency backup. That was 95% of all calories that got me through the race. I wasn't even really drinking electrolytes after awhile. It was cool enough out that though I was sweating, I wasn't having to hydrate like crazy so I just went with liquid calories overall and prayed it would be enough. Adam had planned to run the first 50 with his friend Becky, but when she fell and sliced her knee open on the technical course (Needed 6 stitches!) she had to drop at mile 25, so at some point we started running together as it got dark and into the night. I was glad for the company and we made decent time. I did one flat out fall on my face, hit my knee, worried I'd done some damage. Adam was super worried about me but I got up and just moved slowly for a bit to assess everything was still working, and we made our way through the aid stations as quickly as possible. I was really looking forward to meeting Paul at mile 50 (53!) because I knew I could trust him to push me to make the cutoffs. Doing the math, if we had to do 106 miles, It was going to be a hit or miss to the finish line. We had 15 hrs of projected rain in the forecast so I was just in a bad place, feeling negative and worried. But we kept moving forward and I pushed as hard as I dared. Beast of the East sketchy sections will slow you down to a 30 minute mile, every time. We had to traverse each out and back section 8 times to finish. We had some rain come in through two of our summits before we met up with Paul. The rain was fairly heavy and fog was thick. We thought the trail would be marked with reflective gear, but the ribbons on the trees didnt catch the lights at all. It made it really hard to see and difficult to stay on the right path, which was kindof scary because we were kindof on like a razors edge or dragons spine, as Adam called it, with dropoffs either direction. It was very slow going to make it safely through the summits. Paul kept my spirits up at the aid stations by reminding me he was coming out soon and we'd be making up time and I wouldnt have to worry because he would get me to the finish. I believed that 100%, so we kept pushing until we could finally pick him up. Every aid station he and Kevin went through a list of things I might need and quickly attendted to everything I asked for. They were the best. Honestly at times I was just pushing to see them at the aid stations.

After we finally picked up Paul which felt like forever, I was exhausted and sluggish and falling asleep but did my best to keep up with his solid power hike. I was crabby and not in the mood to talk so I hung back and let Adam talk to Paul so I could run in the quiet and focus on moving forward. My pain cave came early and spirits were still low thru the night. As we hit the first of the real technical stuff we had to climb I was starting to nod off, falling asleep on my feet, but we had some big claps of thunder and lightning and the rain started pouring down. It made everything a bit more challenging, but with Paul to find the path we could move forward more confidently and with faith, he was leading us safely through all the sketchy rocks. The timing of the rain was just about perfect and felt like heaven sent. In fact I thanked Dexter and God several times for tweaking the weather to best help us through! This was prob 2am and the heavy downpour woke me up hard and I was super alert for the rest of the night in the rain. Fortunately it was not a cold rain, so I didnt have to worry about gloves or covering my hands, I just kept my poncho on to help keep my core warm and we pushed through the night. About mile 70, I finally got on a rain coat.

I wore my headlamp under my hat at this race in the downpour and it helped with the blinking light that plagued me last race so that thankfully wasn't a problem. As we left the aid station into the wee morning hours, the heavens opened and rain came roaring down in a flood. Was hard to see anything but Pauls feet ahead of me, but the three of us running together got hit with the joy of the challenge and I felt like whooping with happiness, out in that terrible weather, splashing through a trail that had become a river, singing, realizing we were living life to the fullest in that moment, I felt all my doubt melt away and was pure happiness and exhaustion as we pushed the insanely rocky summit and finished our 3rd loop in the morning hours. After all the long hard hours it was wonderful to find that runners high and realization that you are so grateful to be out fighting a good fight. If I had read the actual race description, I would have realized the last loop was going to be shortened to skip an aid station so we would only be running 100 miles, not 106, but we didnt have that information going into the 80 mile aid station. Kevin was busy taking care of all three of us, Paul, Adam and I, to get us in and out started on our last loop as quickly as possible. Paul told me he had a Christmas miracle and that was when I found out we had 6 less miles to run! I'd been carrying stress and doubt all 24 hrs but I finally felt such a great relief that we were going to finish, and solidly under the cutoff. We still had to push to make decent time because a 33 hr finish was still about what we were on pace for, the final cutoff 34 hrs. Every time I started into negative thinking Paul shut me down and kept gently encouraging me that we were doing fine and were going to finish strong. My wet compression sleeves had rubbed some of my skin raw. I didnt want to waste time taking them off so I just rolled them down n ran with them. Looked stupid but saved me 5 minutes, lol.

I found some really great heart shaped rocks on the course and its weird but it felt like an act of trust leaving them with Paul and Kevin, knowing they'd keep hold of them for me so I could bring them home for my Marine families. I spent a lot of time entertaining myself watching the ground for them. The aid stations on that last loop with Paul were so quick, we were literally able to just run in and out. Paul was so awesome, he would fill my bottle, get me what soda or drink I needed to chug down, fem supplies, charger, whatever, he got everything for me so I could just rush through and not lose any seconds. I was starting to feel a little sick to my stomach and I knew nothing in the aid station was going to help me, so the best thing I could do was not stop.

Adam was riding a high, he is so much faster than me, but he loves chatting on his phone, taking pics and posting on social media, so he would slow down and mess with his phone while we ran a mile ahead, and then he'd come charging to catch up. We did that most of the last loop, lol. He was feeling the exhuberance and joy that comes with doing something you love and it was so great to see. Because I was feeling low and struggling, I had to let Paul be my pain cave guardian. He stuck with Adam ahead of me for the bulk of the miles and let him fully enjoy the social side of the run while I dug my pain cave deep. I had music playing and was praying deeply and trying to feel precious miles with Dexter and my Marines. I was in a different place and I sooo appreciate Pauls ability to sense when I need that space and to make sure I had it. When we were alone he gently encouraged me, kept me believing I was making good time, kept telling me what a great job I was doing. I was just so grateful for him! Kevin was an absolute angel too. He'd picked up Mcdonalds egg mcmuffins which I normally would have loved. I needed some real food, but because my sense of smell and taste were gone, they tasted like dust so I had to spit it out. Leaving our last aid station, Paul found me some thick chicken chowder and had it salted heavily. He caught up to me as I was making the climb up to rockytop and when I took a bite I almost melted with joy. It was warm and so salty that I could actually taste it, I almost cried because it tasted sooo good. I drank it down and it lifted my mood so much I was able to make the last steep climb with steady progress and little trouble. I don't know that soup has ever tasted so good. Adam hit the gas pedal and practically flew the last 5 miles and I was just poking along trying to keep up. Paul started softly hinting that if I picked the pace up a little bit, we could make a sub 32 hour finish. Already from mile 50 he had pushed me with steady progress as we overtook at least 9 other runners in the race, I went from close to last place to middle of the pack with him. I didnt know if I had what it would take to do anything but my death march jog to the finish, but I tried to move a little faster on the descents. With 3 miles to go, my stomach went south and I was struggling with nausea. I wanted to stop and try to throw up but it was sortof a balancing act, would it take more time to throw up and catch up, or just to tough it out and keep moving nauseous? I had to power hike the last climb of the race which I'd hoped to run since it was gradual. I didnt think I'd make a sub 32, but I was feeling okay that maybe we could do a 32:10. As we finally headed into our last 2 miles to the finish & the end was in sight, there was another runner in front of me and Paul tried to pace me to pass, but this young guy and his pacer wanted it more. They saw me coming and took off, wouldnt let me overtake them. I totally gave it to them, I was thoroughly beaten, till we came around a corner and I heard the finish line. With like 2 minutes to go, I realized Paul had gotten me to a 32 hr finish so I found a tiny spark left, to push to the top of the hill. Adam who had run a mile extra to get a full 100 on Strava (our watches were slightly off) was waiting at the top of the hill for me. He wasnt gonna cross the finish line without me. I threw my poles and he grabbed my hand and held it and we finished at 31:59:57 on the clock.

Beast of the East has the most fantastic photographer who does an incredible job of catching the pain, exhaustion, joy and elation of a 100 mile finish, so I don't want to leave out any of the photos she took. <3

My bestie. I love ya Paul.

I had to close my eyes and pray a thank you to God for this finish which was such a struggle and thank Him for sending such special people into my life to support Dexter and I and our chase to 100 100s. My heart was overflowing with gratitude. When I thanked Kevin, he said the most beautiful thing. With tears in his eyes, he said “I like to be around winners.” that teared me up. Truly, I was surrounded with winners. Paul stayed close to make sure I was okay, Kevin wrapped me up in a warm blanket and I laid on the bench waiting to cheer in some of the folks we had run past so many times overnight, encouraging each other to finish.

Jason called right after I finished, so he could be at the finish line with me. So wonderful, though I was too exhausted to talk!

At one point I had to wander off on my own and try to throw up...after that felt a little better.

Honestly I was almost happier about Adam getting his buckle than mine. He really fought the internal struggle to take on this deep end of the pool race, and finished with flying colors. Was so happy for him!

I highly recommend this race. The volunteers and RD were outstanding, the food they served up looked amazing and was hot all night in the rain, and the vibe at every aid station was just awesome. I especially loved the guy from last year who literally roasted a whole chicken, who was back with pulled pork sandwiches. It was depressing that I couldnt eat most of the food. :( I hope to run it again next year!

Adam and I took some time in the campground bathrooms to change clothes and try and clean up for the long drive home. I was soo exhausted and wasnt sure how long I could drive before we'd have to pull over for a nap, but he and I both had beaten the Beast with a solid 2 hrs above the cutoff. Thats a high we will both ride for awhile! We stopped at Wendys & Adam got us some dinner. I found if I slathered french fries with ketchup and loads of salt I could taste enough for it to be a little satifying, and then we took 11 hrs to make the 6 hr drive home. Every 30-60 min I had to pull over and cuddle under a sleeping bag in back of my suv for cat naps. We finally got home before dawn and went to bed.

When I woke up I was feeling super sick and grumpy and just like a robot... it had been so hard and I was so tired. Adam had a pancake breakfast and was gonna go get in a hike on my AT training grounds, then head home. I did a little unpacking and then I finally collapsed in Jasons arms and had a total meltdown cry. I just sobbed. It had been sooo hard for me, I spend 2/3 of the race afraid I was going to fail, but somehow we pulled off a good finish. I was so grateful and just needed the emotional release in a safe place and I was just so happy and grateful and slightly traumatized at the effort it took to run that at 50% effort that took 100% willpower. Gratefully the sickness was held at bay, but as soon as I got home it came crashing back and I've spent the last 3 days coughing, blowing my nose, being depressed because I can only taste pickles, and sleeping 80% of the day. Adam spend another night in the guest room before heading back to Ohio. I am so hugely proud of him for taking my cajoling and encouragement to chase this goal because I knew he had it in him. Honestly he could have had a sub 30 hour finish if he had run it with purpose, but running together as friends was really great. It was a special race and we had awesome teamwork. But I'm also super grateful Paul and I had some time of our own on the trail. His Father Geralds birthday was just a few days before the race, and he'd passed from Covid the winter before we met. Im grateful to have a friend who understands grief and getting out into the mountains to honor our loved ones and give tribute to them in our hearts and miles. Thanks Dexter and Gerald for the extra help this weekend and for bringing special friends together. <3

I'm starting to think about 2024 races, while ready to take a holiday breather. Prayers this Christmas, for the fallen, the fighting and their families. For the loved ones of my Marines. It's a time of contradicions, grief, loss, sadness, aching, longing...but also brilliant light, hope, faith and presence that keeps me going and gives me everlasting hope for joyful reunions.

Merry Christmas Dexter.

Dexter, forever 23 <3