Space Pirate 100 Port Canaveral, Florida #68

I finished Forgotten Florida on 2/18, got to my room for just a few hrs of sleep after trying to scrub swamp mud out of my clothes and shoes, and was up at 4am to catch a flight out to Utah for my nephew Carters funeral. Flying immediately after a 100 miler is bunk! Sitting 10 hrs on flights and in airports, my legs swelled into balloons, and it was painful to walk, especially the long -what feels like – 2-mile pioneer trek at the Salt Lake airport! I've never walked so far to get my bags! I realized I had a really painful shin strain on my right leg. No doubt from all the twisting that my legs took trying to navigate the Florida swamps and mud. My adorable, lovely, daughter Hannah picked me up from the airport and I was so happy to see our little almost 4 year old little Ellie! I almost forgot for a moment that I was there for a very heartbreaking funeral and not for the joy of seeing my girls. <3 We got to spend a little time together with Lucy and Ellie, but as quickly as possible made it to my sister Valeries house, to sit with her and express our utter devastation at her loss of Carter, who would just be turning 23 on Feb 13, & passed away on that day instead, to mental health related issues. Val was doing so much better than I expected, surrounded by an enormous church and community of friends and her boyfriend Russell, the outpouring of love and support she was receiving was a reflection of the woman she is, someone who is constantly giving and giving to others. I realized with her support system and the ability to attend and work in the LDS temple so close to her, she was going to survive this catastrophic loss so much better than I did. Our temple in Washington DC closed for a 4 yr renovation the week Dexter died, and in so many ways I was isolated and missing that spiritual well of strength that I needed at the time. I thank God He carried me through that dark time

With the funeral not until Wednesday, I found so much joy being at Hannahs house and playing with the girls and talking to Hannah. She's lived in Utah for 5 of the 6 years Dexter has been gone, so we have each struggled alone the week of February 25th. It was so beautiful and comforting to finally be together in person. To laugh and cry and acknowledge that we both still struggled with the sadness, loss and missing him. One thing Hannah said that broke my heart, was that she missed that Dexter never got to know her husband Ben or her girls, that they would have no memories together. There's no way to make that kind of ache and longing disappear. :(

Ellie is our little miracle angel. She was born Feb 25 2020, 3 weeks early, 2 years to the exact hour Dexter lost his life. Her spunky, free spirited, artistic personality is a constant reminder that she fits so well into our relationships that Dexter is an extension of, and that it's no wonder she came to us, because we are all so much alike. Coming on that most difficult of days, to be a ray of light and love from heaven. A gift and a reminder that the Lord is aware of our pain and wanted to give us a miracle.

Each year I've been out running a 100 miler on Ellies b-day and done a video call, so it was wonderful to be together the week of, to open some presents and sing happy birthday in person at a little family party we did at Chick Fil A. I had a profound experience. Walking to the restroom as we were getting ready to leave, out of nowhere I was nearly knocked to my feet by the emotion and power of such a strong spirit, and the words “I am not missing anything” went pouring through my heart and soul. I felt it as a direct message to Hannah from Dexter. He was there for Ellies birthday with us. My broken heart felt a thrill of joy and so much love. I *knew it, a manifestation of a powerful reality. I slept in Hannahs guest room but didn't sleep well. The pain in my shin from Forgotten Florida was stabbing, to the point I wondered if it would be wise to drop this race and just crew it. But, not only did I have two friends running it with me, Cecy and Adam, my brilliant, funny, and caring friend Kevin who had the convulsive hypothermic DNF at Forgotten Florida, took my advice to 'hop back on the horse' and decided to go ahead and attempt to run Space Pirate with us. I'd encouraged him, not wanting him to leave Florida disappointed and depressed about being stopped in his tracks in the swamp. I knew, barring pain that would send me to an urgent care, I'd most likely just pray things would be okay and go ahead and run. To try and ease the worry, I put in a very slow 6 miler in the dark, up at 3am the morning of Carters funeral. The rain falling from the sky matched the mood in my heart. I did a lot of praying, knowing Valerie would soon be waking up the the morning she would bury her son. Memories of such a day tore at my heart and I ached all over. Words to a song came to my heart, moms song from her funeral, as if to say it was okay, her grandsons are with her. It brought a smile. "Consider the sweet, tender children

Who must suffer on this earth.

The pains of all of them He carried

From the day of His birth.

He clothes the lilies of the field,

He feeds the lambs in His fold,

And He will heal those who trust Him,

And make their hearts as gold.

I looked up at the sky and begged a little miracle, that the sky would break on this day with a forecast of 100% chance of rain all day and offer a few rays of light for Valerie. If anyone deserved a special sign from heaven, it is her.

I was glad to be with Hannah. Going to the viewing and the funeral was heartbreaking and difficult for both of us. So many triggers and memories as we saw the beautiful coffin, flowers, tears of loved ones and friends. I tried to focus on Valerie and Carter and not think of my own sorrows. This was Carters farewell and I needed to be present for them... one of the hardest hours I've been through in a long time. I was reminded by a very brief text message, to take deep breaths. It got me through the viewing, and the funeral. Sweet Val, so full of faith and love. There's no knowing the depth of the love a mother had for her child until that child is taken from her, and then I think perhaps, it may rival the most powerful forces in the universe.

At the cemetery, God sent his miracle. The rain stopped briefly, and the sun came out shining brilliantly. It didn't last long, but it was enough. Beautiful and heartbreaking, dear Russel dedicated Carters grave with a priesthood blessing with the promise that Carter would come forth in the morning of the first resurrection. This spot was now a sacred and holy place. My heart broke watching Valerie weep with her body across Carters coffin. Oh, I felt that agony. It was me 6 years ago. Now it was my sister.

Dexter at his cemetery, 3-3-2018 :(

I had a chance to talk to my niece and pacer at Ute 100, Lyndsay. She called this mental health loss the “Great Taker”. I thought that was so profound. :(

With not much time left, I had the chance to do marriage and family sealings in the Mt Timpanogos LDS temple with Hannah before I had to hop on a plane back to Florida. It was a beautiful morning together and we felt the ache in our hearts lifted for a time being reminded of the eternal nature of families, parents and children. We are tied together through the eternities. It's the great hope and treasure of my life.

It was a long flight back to Florida. I ate snacks and stayed distracted polishing off my Forgotten Florida race report. I had been going on just a few hrs of sleep but was too restless to nap. I pulled out my scriptures on the plane before a flight change in Baltimore to Orlando, and it caught the eye of a 18yr old kid named Nathan seated next to me. He looked a lot like Peter with the long hair and rebellious look, but funny enough he happened to actually be reading the same scriptures as me. We were both reading our Book of Mormon - Come Follow Me lessons for Sunday School scheduled the next Sunday. We had an awesome conversation about church, missions, mental health of young adults, and how God speaks to us and leads our lives to goodness if we stay connected. It was just a passing meeting but it was special.

Adam, bless his heart, had spent the week in Miami with my car visiting his parents and came to get me from the airport. I had a delay getting off the plane and we didn't get back to the hotel till after midnight. Ughhhh the room was TERRIBLE. My wet clothes I'd washed in the tub from Forgotten Florida hadn't completely dried, and in the dark room they'd just picked up the heavy smoke and mildew smell of a cheap motel, and room service had never come so there were dirty towels, mud on the floor, and race stuff scattered everywhere. I tried to do a bit of organizing but I had to get up at 4:30 am. This would be my one chance to have a sunrise at the beach. The one thing I came to Florida for in addition to the races. I wanted to walk with Dexter on the beach. I finally fell asleep at 1:30 and got a whole 3 hours, but I was so anxious for that sunrise I popped out of bed before my alarm and made an hour drive north. Kevin was camping for the race, in a hippy tropical campground which randomly and “coincidentally” was called “Dexters Den.” What's the likelihood? Minutes from the beach, he said he would meet me and make sure I found parking and got to see the sunrise. All tiredness left my body walking in the astronomical twilight with a nearly full moon and the distant sky turning to orange with Venus shining bright, soaking in the sound of the waves as the sky slowly got brighter until dawn. I felt nothing but a sweet joy, which took me by surprise, with only a wave of heartache as I wrote Dexter's name in the sand and watched as a single wave swept it away, up to heaven to him. After a whirlwind of race, travel, funeral, more travel, my heart was light for those few precious hours watching and listening to the waves crashing.

When I was ready, Keven knowing I was headed back to a very gross smelly room, offered to let me share breakfast at the Dexters Den campground, where he made me scrub the swamp mud still trapped around my toenails despite a week of showering with a snazzy purple race car of a toothbrush while he whipped us up a hearty pre-race breakfast. I loved listening to the wind in the variety of Florida trees, from magnolias to pines, to palms, and the hippy vibe of the camp reflecting a bit of Dexters “Bob Marley” vibe. It was a good place to be, and I thought he would smile while I ate the best food ever at the campground. I **probably washed my hands after scrubbing my toes, which was somewhat effective.

Well, the morning got along so I had to drive up to meet Cecy and Adam, we were planning to all crash at the motel for the night, but because of unforeseen circumstances, our room became unavailable. It was somewhat of a relief because the smell of moldy swamp and cigarettes was worse than my chicken coop. After communicating with Kevin, he graciously offered us a place to car camp back at Dexter's Den, a place I didn't expect to spend the night, but it was where I was meant to be!

Kevin gave me laundry soap and I tried to scrub the stink out of my clothes at the campground and hung them on the line to dry. We ended up meeting Brandon our crewman for dinner after we did our group packet pickup. It was kind of amusing, there would be only 12 100-mile runners this year 2 of Space Pirates 100, and 4 of them consisted of me and my team of runners. Hah! Met the RD's and one was a United States Marine veteran, so that made this race even cooler. Super happy to support any Marine!

Parking would be an issue with no place to park at the start line for Cecy and Brandons vehicles, but God came through at the last minute and Cecy ended up being offered free parking at a local hotel. We met up for some of the best Mexican food I've ever had and got to all know each other better and make plans for the road. Brandon who I never had met before, was an absolutely delightful young guy and 100% committed to doing whatever it took to get me across the finish line. A few months back I met him while looking for a volunteer to crew this race which required a road crew. He advocates for a Mental Health organization called Bigger Than the Trail, and after reading my story made the decision that he wanted to take part in my journey. I was so happy to have him come along and tried to make his fundraiser for BTTT a part of my running this #68 100 miler on Dexter's angelversary. 6 years. It seemed to be the right team effort. All our personalities gelled and I was so stinking excited to run with these people. All winners, high achievers, dreamers, and it felt like the best of friends. Link of our team effort for Brandons fundraiser. BIGGER THAN INC - Brandon Holmes's 100 mile ultra marathon fundraiser (networkforgood.com)

My Froggy Mountain 100 bros.

We drove an hour to get back to Dexters Den and I tried to get organized for the morning. Kevin made mattress space in his vehicle for Adam, he slept in his trailer and I slept on the mattress in back of my SUV. We had access to a hot shower and bathrooms, so I at least got to wash the airport off my body and feel fresh even though I was pretty sleep deprived. I tried to get to bed at a decent hour. Unfortunately, in the Florida humidity, my clothes were only slightly less than dripping wet. The stink of cigarette and mold clung to them. I had no way to dry them. Afraid of starting a 100 miler in wet clothes that might cause early chafing. I decided to put them on and sleep in them. It was cold and wet and gross. With a warm sleeping bag, I figured that my body heat would help dry them out by morning. It made for a poor night's sleep but I did wake up mostly dry, so it was successful. It was quite nice at the campground, cool temps overnight but comfortable. So bright with the moon I didn't need a lamp to find my way to the bathroom to get ready. I was mostly asleep by 10pm, and back up at 3:30am. We had an hour drive to the start line so it was a rush getting everything packed and on the road with my car as the crew vehicle for 4 runners. We arrived at Manatee Park in Port Canaveral minutes before the starting line, Kevin was doing something and didnt get to the start line for the rocket “countdown” and national anthem. I was sad he missed it! But he soon came barreling behind us. I didnt think I'd need it with all 4 of us running together, but since it's tradition I carry it with me, I had Dexters Marine Corps Kbar with me. A way of feeling like I would carry him Feb 24 and on his death day, Feb 25. :(

Along with my Marines, Taylor, Jacob, Jake and Morgan, Nate and Jenn in my pack, I also carried a picture of Carter and SSG Kenneth Roussel. I met his wife and daughter, Melissa and Madison, at the Warrior 100 Wear Blue dinner in Washington DC. He lost his life to suicide also on Feb 25 and I told them I would honor him with my miles that day as well.

Adam fell behind us pretty quickly because he wanted to take a billion pics, so I stayed with Cecy and Kevin for many of the early miles. It was a beautiful cool morning, but heavy rain the night before had left us with heavy humidity. I was going a slow 11:30 min mile pace, but I knew if I started sweating early, I would pay for it. We would have zero cover and intense exposure to Florida sun and coastal winds all day. A recipe for disaster. After awhile everyone settled into their own pace and ran their own race. Kevin happily chose to match mine so he became my running buddy and teammate for much of the duration of the course.

Right on que, Brandon was sharp as can be, meeting us often with supplies, cold drinks, ice and words of positive bada$$ encouragement. Every stop with him was so motivating! He made us all feel like winners. Even though we all went a little different in our pacing, we pretty much stayed within just a couple miles of each other. I really enjoyed all the time I had running with Kevin. He's an animated talker with so many interesting stories to tell that the miles slipped by quickly and I really didn't miss playing my music. I was so excited that Adam and Cecy had Wear Blue Run to Remember shirts on for this race. It was the first I've seen at any 100 miler and it filled my heart with happiness! I also had my buddy Derry in England message me in his blue shirt for race day & for Dexters angelversary. Was a wonderful feeling of solidarity.

The week prior, I'd had a chance to meet Kevin Delong, who I found through 22 too many, was supporting my 100 mile efforts and honoring Dexter by doing 100 miles in a week on his bike. He found out I would be minutes from his home in Florida, so he and his lovely wife Colleen came out to the course around mile 19 and brough us a cooler full of ice and ice cold cokes! Oh they were amazing! Brandon was there to meet us as well, so I let him take care of Kevin and I fueled with supplies other Kevin and Colleen had brought, because it was just sooo kind, and ice cold cokes were exactly what I needed in the growing heat. It was so wonderful to sit and chat, and thank them for remembering Dexter. It made my heart so happy and I just gave them huge hugs. Colleen is a collector of heart rocks too, so we hit it off and I felt so grateful to embrace them as new friends.

It didn't take long for the sun to become problematic. We were elated to get to a shaded aid station to meet Brandon where he had a cooler full of ice, and cold fresh sub sandwiches.  Oh my gosh, the cold drinks and ice, and food hit the spot. We were all in love with Brandon by now. He had music blasting and made us feel like we were in a legit aid station, had his tackle box of tape tricks open and ready to take care of us! Kevin had been running in the sandy grass as much as possible to stay out of the sun, but the fine sand was getting into his shoes and causing problems and his feet were badly hurting. I helped him get his socks off and get hooked up with some voltarin pain cream, and we took a few minutes to let his feet rest and get rejuvinated. We were at the stop long enough for Cecy and Adam to catch up and get a few team pics. So much fun. I love every one of these amazing people.

More long hours in the sun. I had some music going, carrying water to douse my sleeves. We were taking it slow. Brandon met us with more food and ice, but we were sweltering. We ran with Adam for a little while and happened upon a fire hydrant that was blasting water. We didn't hesitate, we ran over and stuck our heads in the water. It was so fun and refresing, and I think probably saved us from heat related illness. I'd been slightly nauseous for a few hrs from the sun and was trying to keep my salt levels and hydration balanced but it was a trick in the humidity. Honestly I was having so much fun running with Kevin and talking about everything under the sun that the day passed quickly.

We had some truly meaningful conversation. Keven lost his nephew PFC Dillon Jutras, an army ranger rifleman, during combat operations in Iraq, during Operation Iraqi Freedom. He and his sister Julia, mom of Dillon and their whole family have honored Dillon through the years by running the Army 10 miler in his memory with his face on their shirts, and his name written in sharpie. Kevin has a special relationship with Dillon and that loss and grief made him a perfect companion for me, as I mourned Dexter more than usual on this 6 year angelversary. We talked of how we looked for them in our miles of suffering, and how to know and recognize and feel when they send us undeniable signs that they are not far away. Dillon went ahead, and sent us a sign to put an exclamation point and witness to the truth of our conversation. It was a powerful moment I'm not ready to write about, but I will never forget it.

I think one of my favorite moments of the whole race came as we approached the late afternoon nearing sunset. We climbed up a high bridge, maybe the highest point of the race, and stood in the wind on the edge and soaked in the views. It was breathtaking and meant even more having traveled so far together for the view. Heartfelt & tender. Felt Dexter on the bridge with us. He had some words for me & about the world I have known. <3

We had some beautiful beach views as the sun was heading down, and lots of heart to heart talking. It's an awesome thing to find a kindred spirit out on an adventure. Brandon met us and I ended up leaving Kevin behind...not realizing until later that he had been in absolute torture for miles, the bottoms of his feet blistered and raw with blisters several inches across. I had grabbed fuel and headed on my way, not realizing that half of my team coming in behind me was in really rough shape. Brandon kept us well fed through the day, warm fried chicken was my absolute favorite thing to eat!

We had discussed before the race how we were all doing our own race, and my biggest goal was to get to the finish and make sure Kevin did too. I wish he'd told me the kind of pain he was in. Thank heaven, he was in the absolute best hands possible. Meeting up with Brandon who is medically trained with his box of taping tricks, he popped Kevins blisters and put all kinds of sprays and super adhesive medical tape on his feet. He gave Kevin an ultimate challenge, to finish. I can't quote his words but from what I heard, they were words of the toughest of love only an ultrarunner would understand. Basically, don't waste my time. It was enough for Kevin. That was Kevins decision point that he would push through whatever pain he faced to complete this race. Such a powerful moment. Unless you've been in that moment in an ultra its hard to wrap your head around the kind of pure will and strength it requires. Sadly found out later Cecy got really sick about this same time. She was vomiting and passed out. Brandon was able to help her, get her into the car and feeling better, but she decided she was finished and stayed with him in the car for the rest of the race to help crew Adam, Kevin and I to the finish.

I ran alone for I don't know how long in the evening, but eventually Kevin had pushed through what had to be excruciating pain, to catch back up to me.

Night time is a blur. I don't remember much of anything. The lack of sleep, maybe a total of 9 hrs in 3 days leading up to the race were catching up to me and I was nodding off, trying to move forward and stay awake, singing. Starting early in the day the shin pain had started back up and remained with me through most of race. I was determined to finish, but I knew I had plenty of time and could keep an easy pace so I didn't cause much further damage. I kept pain cream rubbed in, it's the only way I made it through the miles. At some point I thought it hurt so much I might have to stop, but my brain started to ignore it in the last 1/3 of the race. I had my imagine dragons playlist going and as I approached midnight and the start of Feb 25 I was alone and emotional. Songs and thoughts and memories had my salty sweat stained face wet with tears. In a way that only Dexter and I would know, he let me know he was with me. Sounds of the day and night surrounding 2-25 filled my ears. The 'gift' that is post trauma. I felt him so much this week, and was transported to the past often, I'm sure because my emotions were so raw and memories so fresh with the loss of Carter. It was undeniable to me that Dexter was doing the miles with me. He saw me, and remembered my pain and knew of my love. I was certain.

For most of the day and into the late evening we had a stream of constant traffic. There was a sidewalk we could run on, but my favorite place is right along the white line. For some reason it feels safe there, even with oncoming cars. Even when my mind is shot and I'm near sleepwalking, my brain holds on to the white line. It makes me think of the Rod of Iron, along the straight and narrow path in a vision in the Book of Mormon. I kinda like that thought, keeping straight and not deviating from my course until reaching the fruit that makes one happy. A good story worth reading sometime.

One crew stop Brandon made my night with music BLARING, hot food and a unicorn tied to the top of the car. A legit aid station party with him dancing around. Man, such a fun guy. I wished he was out running with us so we could pick up his enthusiasm, coolness and vibe!

It was a relief as it approached midnight and beyond that traffic slipped away and we had quiet miles. My brain started to fall asleep and I was near sleepwalking, probably not safe near the road. I wished I had my poles to keep me from swerving and swaying. I was really grateful Kevin was there with me at this point. He let me hold onto his arm and I closed my eyes and moved forward for a while with my eyes closed.

While in a semi sleepy conscious state I did some praying. With PFC Morgan Dalys death date coming up and reflecting on the pain of carrying loss, I tried to think about my Marine families and say all of their names in prayer, in reverence and in love. The love that stretches across the universe that in some little way I get to share in, carrying their loved ones, is a gift I treasure so much. Those thoughts keft me forcing my eyes to open and to keep taking one step after another.

It was always such a wonderful sign of hope and relief when up ahead, we'd see this young fit guy running towards us. Always Brandon! He would run out from the car up to a mile away and cheer us on with words of motivation and power. This particular stretch going into Cocoa Beach he took hold of my arm and Kevin had the other and they helped me get to the car, telling me how great I was doing, encouraging me with words of power. I'm not sure exactly what I did at the car, but whatever it was revived me and I was able to wake up and get moving again. Running through Cocoa beach was a little sketchy. I was glad I wasn't alone, and glad I was carrying Dexter's Kbar.

Words of the prophets written on bathroom walls.

Reached the outskirts of the city and spent hours running through beaches lines with trees under a full moon. It was surreal. Kevin took his turn falling asleep on his feet and was mildly delirious. We were well over 100k, and I wasn't about to lose him now, so I grabbed his hand and pulled him along for a while until we were able to meet back up with Brandon again and get Kevin a no doze caffeine pill. It worked pretty quickly, and he snapped awake and led us through countless miles of lamplit streets, trying to find our next checkpoint. I kept feeling like we were lost and having anxiety about it, but I trusted he knew where we were going.

Had some periods during the late hours of the night and morning with pretty miserable nausea. I tried a few times to throw up but I'd given up eating and was only taking in a few ounces of fluid per couple miles so my stomach was empty. Led to some miserable dry heaving, but it eventually settled out. I was so relieved when we finally saw the first signs of light in the eastern sky. I knew once the sun was up we would get a second wind. It would get warm but hopefully we'd be moving slow enough to not get too destroyed by the sun.

Brandon treated us to some amazing pizza and I had mozerella cheese sticks from the car around breakfast time. Happily my stomach felt better in the morning hours and I could start eating and taking in calories again.

We were in a beautiful beach town, not many water views but some. I lost Kevin for awhile as I was running over a briege overlooking a bay and met a couple guys who asked about my pics and encouraged me, and talked to a family who had just lost a nephew to suicide. They gave me a hug and thanked me for being out running. I caught back up with Kevin someplace through the last 10 miles. The sun was grueling. Kevin was struggling, I messaged Brandon to meet us with another nodoze for him. He was in a lot of pain and I gave him a couple alieve. I was afraid he was getting heat exhaustion so when we met up with Brandon and Cecy I got ice cold water from the cooler and dumped it on his arms, down his back, over his head, rubbed ice water into his hair.... the poor guy, had to be shocking on the skin but he took it like a champ.

Met a cute little high school kid in the parking lot at the grocery store who was so excited about what we were doing. He wanted to talk all day about war history. I sadly didn't have time to talk but I told him to check out the Sabaton power metal band and told him he'd love it. He was friggin adorable.

I think Kevins ice bath and caffeine did it's job because with 4-ish miles to go, he suddenly got the determination to press forward quickly and get the race over with, and I encouraged him to take it home. I knew I had plenty of time to make it under cutoff, and knowing Kevin was moving strong ahead of me and would be a solid finish, I felt like my work was pretty much done. I just relaxed and tried to finish up as quickly as I could without pressing stomach issues. The last miles dragged on forever. I had around 105 mi on my watch, I think the race was closer to 102.5

So so relieve to finally reach the end of the road, hit the beach parking lot, where Cecy was waiting to direct me to the finish line, which I was very grateful for!

To run up the stairs through a little shaded tunnel and out onto the beach, where Kevin, Adam and Brandon were waiting with the race director, was such a joyful moment. I was glad I had finished, #68, but I felt the most happiness that Kevin had beat his Florida DNF and got his first 100 mile buckle. The whole reason I came to Florida in the first place! That was literally the BEST. Adam had been behind us most of the day Saturday but at some point he flew past and beat us by 1.5 hrs, he rocked it! I got a freaking awesome prize for being DFL, and third place and dead last female, haha. Didnt care, the buckle was awesome, the alien astronaut was fantastic, sitting down in the cold turquoise ocean for a minute of quiet, writing the names of all my Marines & team in the sand, and hugging my friends. That was a natural high nothing can replicate. Nothing but pure teamwork and awesomeness.

Brandon drove us all to our morning meeting point and we gave him and Cecy big hugs goodbye. We were all just so incredibly in love with Brandon for all he had done for us. He made the whole course so much fun and did a spectacular job taking care of each one of us. Crewing one runner is difficult. Crewing 4 is super human. He was on top of everything and we all had a little hero worship for our one man crew.

I was sooo completely exhausted, I didn't think I would be able to drive. I thought I'd probably have to sleep in the car for a few hrs before we got on the road. Completely wiped out, I was able to video in for Ellies bday party from the backseat of the SUV Kevin came to our rescue and offered to get a 2 bedroom hotel room, right on the beach, so we could shower, get dinner and have a decent nights sleep before driving 13 hrs home. The hotel was pure heaven. A hot shower, fluffy soft white bed that I just flopped into and passed out. I needed to eat a burger in Dexters memory of a Florida burger he had once, in a time of crisis. I guess Kevin came to my rescue because I have no memory of ordering anything to eat, but of eating a mustard drenched burger and licking my fingers.

.

Sometime during the night I woke up with terrible night sweats and had to sleep on the hotel couch. It was actually wonderful because I opened the balcony door and listened to the ocean waves for the rest of the night. I didn't sleep really long, I was up early by instinct to catch a last quiet, meaningful sunrise for Dexter and do some beach combing before heading home. Adam treated us to a marvelous breakfast overlooking the ocean at the beach front motel and I wolfed down a loaded omelet and hashbrowns. We lingered for awhile talking. It was sad to break up our team finally and go our own ways.

The night at the hotel did me wonders, and with the help of 13 hrs of cranking loud imagine dragons concerts, diet coke, carrots, grapes and sunflower seeds, Adam and I made it back to Virginia without having to stop for any naps. Felt good to get home and crawl into bed. Jason had the house spotless, it was great to be able to just unload the car and hang out with Adam for awhile before we sent him on his way. Enjoyed a short hike on the AT and breakfast.

It's been a good recovery week overall. I've had a difficult time 'coming home' from Florida. It was a magical weekend with so many manifestations of love, I've had a hard time getting my brain to settle back into the routine of life, with a rollercoaster of emotion & still having Dexters funeral date to mark. It seems like once I make it past that hump, spring arrives and my emotional state gets stronger. Miraculously, the shin pain I had all last week seems to have been cured by running 100 miles on it. :-P No trace. I'm super grateful, I should be in good shape recovery wise to tackle Rabid Raccoon 100 in PA in 2 weeks. So very kindly, Kevin offered to come up and pace me as part of his training for his upcoming Georgia Death Race. After experiencing a lifetime in 2 weekends, all the amazing people I shared the time with, Adam, Kevin, Cecy, Brandon, Paul... they feel like comrades in the trenches and you just wanna keep reaching out and helping each other as we try to reach our lofty goals. Its a community of love and hope and achievement that I am so humbled and grateful to have a part in.

Morgan, 3-1, you are always remembered and loved on your heavenly anniversary and always.

Jacob, Nate, Jake, Taylor, Jenn, your strength always shows up during my hardest miles. Though I was running with an actual team this race, I felt they reflected my unseen team and I'm grateful every race for the incredible association I have with these heroes across the veil. I pray my spirit reflects their courage and spirits as we press forward to try and bring change and awareness, to help more heroes like them, choose to stay.