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Ocean City 100 #26

Writer's picture: Rosie Nanette GagnonRosie Nanette Gagnon

"Hear them whisper, voices from the other side...

They will never leave our hearts or fade away.

Live forever, they were far too young to die in such a way" -Sabaton Man, this has been a rough summer. 2 months with this knee injury really presented my first big obstacle to my pursuit of 100 100s. Not being able to train much more than hikes on the treadmill and elliptical, & a DNF at 2 races that I could have finished was really taking it's toll emotionally. I've been stuck wearing a brace hobbling around the house. Its been demoralizing and I've been prone to more frequent bouts of sadness, crying and depression. In this tough time I have gained a solid appreciation of what a gift it is to run and what a blessing God has given me with my good health.


I had No business 100 coming up on October 2nd, a Western States qualifier. I've finished the course twice but I had to make the very difficult decision to be honest with myself. :-P

As much as I wanted to think I could run that course with my hinged knee brace, I knew I had maybe less than a 10% chance of actually finishing. With the race being held on my son Adams 17th bday and over our churches General Conference weekend, I just realized the race was no longer my top priority. I really felt so bummed about it, though I knew it was the right decision. :(


I'd decided I'd just give up 100s until after I recover from knee surgery. As I was feeling sorry for myself, a plan came into my mind like pure inspiration. Dexter loved Ocean City. Closing what would be his 26th year of life it could be a special place to get my 26th 100. We could go during the week while it was still September and I could meet my goal of at least 1 hundred per month this year, and I wouldn't miss the most important things, family and church. Jason, the amazing husband he is, without hesitation made hotel reservations right away and planned to work from the hotel so I could run Thursday and Friday. <3 The plan so he could crew me would be to run out & backs along the beach and use the hotel as the aid station. I've never been to Ocean city so I was feeling some anxiety about running on the beach at night, or being forced to go into town alone which was kindof strange because I'm not usually afraid of being alone, knowing I've got US Marine angels watching over me! I posted a request on facebook for an overnight pacer and a friend, Hal that I'd met previously and shared some miles with in his first 100 @ Blackbeards Revenge offered to pace me for the whole night! I'm always a little nervous about having pacers because as an introvert at heart, anxiety about having to make conversation all night when you're deep into an ultra, or knowing it can be distracting to my focus. I generally cherish the alone time in the dark. The physical and emotional struggle and being close to God and Dexter and my reliance on them...it is like my own little temple. But I felt like this was the right move for this run and I was looking forward to it. Was really nervous about restrictions about being on the beach after 10pm but I saw a sign that said only sleeping was prohibited so good to go! Id signed up in June to do a 5k for #22toomany so I had a race bib ready to go, just planned to do 33 of them, haha.




I managed to get 5 hrs of sleep at our hotel just off the beach, up at 4am to get ready and clock ticking by 5am. It was chilly and desolate out, not a soul. It was a glorious start. The tide had been out for almost 2 hours but the sand was fairly soft and within 2 miles my calves and quads were already feeling like I has just climbed a mountain! Knee braces were making the effort a little tougher, and also the weight I've gained being injured, :sigh: Just took it easy and soaked up the isolation. Flashing lights on the ferris wheel at the end of the beach would occasionally turn red white & blue and that was super cool, a little patriotism for the boys. I thought of each of them and my sweet Dexter and said my morning prayer, running in the dark under the stars to the sound of the ocean crashing.






Realized my calculations on the hotel location were a bit off and it was roughly a 5 mile out and back to the end of the south beach, so I was back pretty quickly. Jason met me on the beach before sunrise and got me supplied for a 15 mile out & back. the sunrise was peaceful and glorious and I hoped the boys were able to see it with me.





The 15 miles was pretty rough. Going north of the hotel the tide was going out but the sand was still fairly soft. I tried to run closer to the packed sand right next to the water, but I kept having to dodge the waves and with my knee braces I was not very agile. :-P I had to decide on the worst of two, wet feet that could potentially blister and be rubbed raw by the salt water, or running in clean dry shoes in the deeper sand. I opted for the latter. All 15 miles had these little ups and downs of soft sand and it got fairly painfully repetitive after a couple miles in. I had some awesome music going and hit my first heavy emotional moment after sunrise on the beach alone listening to "Cliffs of Gullipoli" by Sabaton Felt the spirit and my angels close to me. Just knew they were with me and knew that I was running for them. It overwhelmed my heart.

"At the shoreline Blood of heroes stains the land.

Light a candle

One for each of them who fought and died in vain. There is no enemy There is no victory Only boys who lost their lives in the sand. Young men were sacrificed

Their names are carved in stone and kept alive And forever we will honour the memory of them"



Back at the hotel @ 20 miles, grabbed my sun sleeves and hat because at 10 am the sun was already feeling hot and burning my arms. Peter came out to run/walk with me. With his fresh young long legs he was walking faster than I could jog in the sand and he wouldn't let me forget it, kept teasing me about it, and telling me to hurry up. haha. We had a good time & stopped on the boardwalk for a donut and milkshake for breakfast. I just love this kid to death even if he wont take a normal picture. :-D




Peter went 5 miles with me and then I started back up the 15 mile loop on the beach. Was really hot out by now and I kept dousing my hat in the ocean, getting slower, dodging waves, and the tide was working its way back in. After a couple miles I was having to run in deeper sand and it was exhausting. I'd forgotten my phone charger so Peter and Jason met me a few miles up on the road. I was so glad to see them! filled up on capri suns and applesauce and restocked my supplies, went a block or two on the sidewalk after meeting them and then headed back to the beach. As I was going along I was thinking about my angel friend Nate and praying for his family who have really been struggling with their grief. About that time a man stopped me who'd been jogging along behind Peter and I and asked about my pictures. As I told him about the men I was running for, it turned out he was an addiction counselor, working with mostly veterans struggling with depression, drug use, suicidal thoughts, at like a last chance halfway house for them. We stood on the beach and talked for 10-15 minutes about how closely those things are related, and are part of real illness that needs to be treated and that there just wasn't enough help available. Too many were dying. Even if they died from drug overdose, that was also a form of suicide because the self destructive behavior trying to treat a mental illness or depression to stop the pain is so often tied into their death. :(

I felt like I was meant to have that conversation. :(


Though I had initially intended to run all 100 miles on the beach, I realized there was never going to be much compact sand to run on, I decided the sidewalk felt 100% better than sand especially in the heat of the day so around mile 30 I decided to go out on the road. Stopped to air out my swelling knee and get sand out of my shoes because my sand gaiters wouldn't stay in place.





The road was hot & sunny but I could move a bit quicker. Stopped at a 7-11 to get a slurpee, apple juice and electrolyte drink. The ocean air was super dehydrating and I hadn't carried enough liquid so I had to catch up. I got well dehydrated but then I really had to pee and no gas stations had any bathrooms, ugh. So I did a pit stop behind the dumpster. After 30 miles on the sand my quads were already shaking and when trying to pee I lost my balance and accidentally hit my shorts haha. So embarrasing and annoying. knowing I was meeting Hal later I didn't want to stink even worse, haha, so when I met Jason and Peter back at the hotel around mile 36 I did a quick change into different shorts. Had some freshly made mac & cheese which was glorious after all the sugar I'd eaten so far. Rubbed on some arthritis cream because my knee was hurting, drank a couple capri suns and decided to go for 5 more miles on the beach because the tide was working its way out.

My amazing husband and best friend.


That loop was fairly hard, not just the toll of the soft sand but emotionally, watching a beach full of families playing with their kids in the water. Brought back lots of memories and those dreaded 'what if's" What could I have done differently? That question is the endless haunt of a suicide survivor. :( :( :(




I realized on my beach trip back to the hotel that I was going to be running for 35-40 hours if I kept to the beach. I'd promised Peter we would be back home in time for his Friday night D&D game so I decided I was going to just do the rest on the road. My shins and knees were really hurting from the different muscle use also the awkward slant of the beach. Met Jason and Peter back at the hotel near sunset and decided to do a quick 5 mile out and back on the boardwalk and then I'd be meeting Hal around mile 50 at the hotel room.




That sand! Only slightly less difficult closer to the water.


The boardwalk in the evening was really fun, so much to see! My poles would get stuck in between the boards so I had to just carry them. I got back to the hotel around 9:15 pm and met Hal. It was a bit sketchy alone at night so I was super relieved to have him going out with me! I dropped off my knife and pepper spray because I had no worries running with this tall, tough, strong ultra runner! :-D My math was off a bit, actually at 52 miles, Hal said he would run all night with me to get in the 28 miles to hit mile 80 before sunrise, a 14 mile out and back overnight along the road. I was already totally drained, with 48 miles to go. We took a few minutes to get ready for the night and go. We knew there was an open Wawa so we could stop partway and refuel so I didn't take much along with me.



I've run a lot of races, had several pacers...I've never had as many meaningful miles as I had with Hal. I realized God had led him to volunteer to be my pacer not so much for my safety but because of our shared faith and difficult experiences. An opportunity to minister to each other as runners and followers of Christ. It was amazing. <3 As we ran along the road for hours we talked deeply about our stories and life experiences with suicide, depression, mental illness, addiction and most importantly about our faith and conversion stories and the role of Jesus Christ in our lives. It was just such a blessing to exchange shared beliefs. I had this surreal feeling that this run could have been Dexter and I, had he survived, running down the road together talking about the past. My heart mourned that, but at the same time I felt him close and the spirit whisper that one day it *would be us together. I can't thank Hal enough for being Dexter's stand-in. It wasn't all serious though, we had some laughs and great ultra running talk!



We were so deep in conversation we blew past the wawa and realized a mile later. Hal being the amazing person he is, not only carried supplies for himself but extras for me. When I ran out of applesauce and capri sun he kept me drinking tailwind from his own bottle and we got in some great quick miles after he shared caffeinated jelly beans haha. We talked most of the time, and also just ran along to music when the pain cave would get intense.

My shins were in so much pain. I forgot my little tin of arthritis cream so called Jason to meet us at the halfway point so I could rub it in and keep making good time. Hal kept me moving quick enough that my second 50 mile was like 1.5 hrs short of my average road 50 miler which is kindof amazing running mile 50-100. I'm usually much slower those death march miles!

We found another open Wawa and refueled, met Jason, got restocked on supplies and some pain relief then headed back to the hotel. Took a good 5 hrs-ish. Pain eased some but it was still constant. I started to have signs of dehydration from earlier in the sun, having to pee frequently and getting nauseous. Thankfully Hal had bought a gallon of water and brought along his pack full so he'd have enough to share. Because of that I was able to force down a full bottle of electrolytes with some salt and felt 100% better. He did get to see me cry...though he beat me to it. :-D But at least I never threw up! We ran on the Bethany boardwalk, north of Ocean city. It was a fun childhood place for Hal with his family and it was really special to suffer through those miles that were meaningful to him and hear his stories. <3



We'd been talking about beautiful things we'd seen late during an ultra run and how much more it meant because we'd paid a big price in suffering and effort for those moments, how magical they are. As we were leaving the boardwalk I just had the biggest nudge from the spirit to do a quick walk up the sand to see the ocean...just happened that the moon was rising. We didn't stay and look long but it was definitely a gift and meant so much to me. If you look closely at Hals picture, you can see 4 bright stars. It was like...one each for Dexter, Jacob, Taylor and Nate. Signs from heaven, as far as I'm concerned.



Made it back to the hotel by 5:30 am. I was really sad to say goodbye to my living angel-pacer. Hal does a lot with Christian ministry, helping at risk youth through outdoor experiences. He left me with a mantra that felt so inspired and it got me through my last 20 miles, but especially my toughest last 5. "Be patient. Be present. Be deliberate." Super simple but wow, so much power in those words. He also encouraged me to look for Gods message for me in my last 20 miles. <3


Sun was rising soon after I hit the Ocean City boardwalk. My plan was just to do the last 20 miles in 4 loops along there. The wood was softer than the road, plenty of food stops and bathrooms and a lot of people. At sunrise I stopped and walked onto the beach for a picture. There was a Christian sand sculpture that was so wonderful, it was like an exclamation point to the feelings in my heart.

"Alive again"






Just before the last 10 miles I quickly ducked my upper body under our cool hotel bathroom shower & was taken care of by Jason with a cup of noodles which never tasted so good, hah. My stomach was slightly off but after the salty carbs felt much better. I kept up my fuel and hydration the last 20 miles with capri suns, applesauce, and choking down liquid IV. Tried to do at least 1 of those every 2 miles. Nausea or vomiting was not a problem which I'm grateful for, running along a busy boardwalk! :-D






I kind of longed for the more isolated beach but as I ran along with hundreds of people working their way along the boardwalk as the morning progressed, I knew that was where God wanted me to be. I was stopped almost a dozen times for quick chats with people who saw my shirt and my pictures and wanted to know what I was running for. Some were runners, some former military, but one woman in particular got my heart. She was walking along the boardwalk with her daughter and stopped me. She and her daughter had seen me the morning before on the beach and were wondering what I was doing because I was still running the next day. I told her I was running for veteran suicide awareness and that I had lost my son and was also running in his memory. She asked if he'd been deployed, when I told her he'd actually died of a mental illness, she broke down. She asked if she could donate money to my run. I declined but she shoved a $10 bill at me. She said her mother had an onset of a severe case of bipolar in her 50's and spent the rest of her life in and out of mental hospitals. She was a teacher for teenagers 'in the system' who had mental health problems and had also just lost a student to suicide. She talked about her feelings of sorrow and hopelessness at how little help is available and what a toll it had taken caring for her ill mother. We talked for probably 15 minutes about our experiences and we were both crying in the middle of this crowded boardwalk. Out of all those people, the two of us found each other and were able to minister to each other. I just know God meant for us to lend support to each other, if even just for a moment in our lives. We both expressed our gratefulness to know our loved ones, Dexter, and her mother and student, were met with peace in glory and that we could find comfort in that. She gave me a huge hug, not caring I was drenched in sweat. I felt like I was walking on a could after that. <3


I still had an hour & a half to go after I met this lady. It seemed sooo long and I was hot and exhausted and not really getting enough to eat or drink. Hals words were still clear as day. "Patience" If it takes 1 hour or 5 hours, it will pass. Don't think ahead to the remaining miles. Stay in the moment. "Present" I started looking at everything around me, kind & happy faces, lost and troubled faces, old and young, the sea birds, smells of popcorn and delicious fried foods, the effort my body was capable of, & I looked up just in time to see an honor row of local heroes. "Deliberate" These next 10 minutes I'm running to that hotel in the distance. Next 10 minutes Ill get water at the bathroom and douse my hat. Next 10 minutes I'll have a block of shade to run in, etc. Literally a goal for almost every moment those last miles that were so difficult. I stopped to chat to a couple veterans along the path as I thanked them for their service, and they thanked me for remembering and bringing awareness. Every one of them I talked to knew someone or were that someone, who struggled with depression or suicide. It was just so meaningful.


One humorous moment around mile 94, I overheard a man say to his wife that I had run past a few times, "That stupid woman is killing herself" ...Bahaha After a moment of being angry and annoyed I realized this is actually so funny, the average "civilian" has not seen the condition of an ultrarunner at 94 miles and I must be quite a sight! :-D. I had been in an exhausted low point thinking the 6 miles left felt so long. I realized I needed to shape up so I fixed my running form which by now was hunchy like some old crippled woman, avoid the knee favoring limp, kept my head up and tried to look at peoples faces, and smile if I caught anyone's eye. I felt a boost of confidence that I was strong, and I was completing this. As I neared the end a few people sitting along benches who'd overheard conversations about my run started cheering me on to finish. :)



My sweet husband came walking out and jogged in the last mile or so with me. The meant a lot. He sacrifices so much to support me, and was trying to deal with work meetings and crew me at the same time. It was great to be together. I could almost feel Dexter there with us, strolling along the boardwalk like we might have done with him on another day at the beach. My heart was full of gratitude and love and my body was complete and utter exhaustion. haha. The funny/miraculous thing was, every muscle and joint in my body hurt, except for the injured knee.


This was my official finish line right at our hotel.





I was so exhausted I laid down on the ground for a few minutes, took off my shoes and after I died for a few minutes, Peter helped me up and we hobbled out to the water to cool off my burning hot feet. I got the chills after a few seconds in the water so went to the public restroom and sorta 'sink showered' before the drive home. I think Dexter would really like the buckle. <3


Peter, with a real smile. :-D


I'm SO SO happy and relivied to get this #26. My time was around 31 & a half hours, still a respectable finish time even though I was running without cutoffs, I still try and give it my best effort.

I had been struggling so much this month with depression and this injury and the disappointments at Grindstone and Tuscazoar, and then having to cancel No Business 100, but all that melted away. I felt the way events happened, that God led me to this important run at this time and place.

My shins are super sore from the sand, feet are puffy, two or 3 toenails black, but my immediate world feels ...right. Though there are events swirling around me that I have no control over that cause immense pain, I've found in running these ultras strength and wisdom to not only put in the miles but how to cope with lifes other challenges. No matter how dark the struggle, God will send living and literal angels to help if we ask, and if we keep moving forward in faith though our body and mind scream at us to stop. Knowing the morning is coming and we will have accomplished what God means for us to do. Patience, Present, Deliberate. Going to carry those words with me.

For the fallen. Pct James Dexter Morris, SSgt Taylor Wilson, Sgt Jacob Gray, Nate Dogg.




The day will come Dexter, that we'll have that beach run together. I miss you and love you always and always.











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Lyndsay Privett
Lyndsay Privett
Oct 04, 2021

I seriously wrote out a comment and it deleted. Pushing through hehe....

I am in awe of how resilient you are for these boys and the cause. I believe that you meet who you need to meet and it is so amazing to hear of your experiences and convos with those who were out searching for some hope, and found you. I love the pictures of Dex on the beach. I hope you felt him so near...and the 4 stars, gave me goosebumps. Thank you for pushing through your injury and finding hope to share. When you were talking about trying to straighten up after that guys comment and put on a smile, its so hard sometimes to look a…

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Steven Crisp
Steven Crisp
Oct 03, 2021

Another amazing race report Rosie. But I must say, I'm *really* surprised you started the race on the sand. OMG - there is nothing harder than that. Well, maybe climbing all those crazy mountains, but NOTHING harder on level ground. I took my son running on the beach and within 5 miles, he had a knee injury that took about 3 weeks to heal! And on *soft* sand??!!?? I run along the water's edge in bare feet, and that is manageable. But woah, those rolling hills along that shoreline ... never seen anything like that.


So congrats on #26! And on all of your deep conversations while running. Here's hoping your knee surgery goes well, and everything heals up we…

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