No Business 100, counterclockwise #40

Heart and spirit win over body, a happy birthday gift of 102 miles to my sweet Dexter, who would be celebrating his 28th bday this Tuesday, October 18.

I found this course the 2nd year the race was put on, rugged and remote and challenging. I wanted to train for something epic to honor Dexter's birthday, even though this race was way out of my league. The No Business course is run clockwise and counterclockwise in alternating years. I ran the counter in my first attempt for Dexter and our family friend Bryan Ingham who lost his life to type 1 diabetes the week of this race in 2018. In fact, Bryans funeral happened when I was out in the mountains, the best place I could honor him. So close to Dexter's death, there was no way I could attend another funeral, though his family are precious friends of ours.

That race began pretty well but sadly after a full night of heavy rain and running in mud, I was cut at mile 89. I went back the next year and finished the course by 2 hours running the easier direction. In 2020 I went back for counterclockwise redemption. I did finish the course, but 2.5 hours past the official cutoff, and 30 minutes after the 2 hr. 'grace period' cutoff. It took me 35 1/2 hours that year to cover the miles. The amazing RD Brian kindly gave me a second buckle and the special 2x buckle for finishing both directions. I never felt like I earned that second buckle. This year I decided to go back to counterclockwise and get this harder direction done and earned. I hoped as a part of the grand slam of races I planned from Aug-October, with a lot more elevation and technical terrain, that I could get this one done. It has a tight 33 hr. cutoff for the terrain that makes it a hard finish for the middle of the pack runner. I'm closer to back of middle of pack since my knee surgery. After finishing Grindstone 2 hrs. ahead, I thought I had a good shot with 9000 less elevation gain and more runnable trails.

I was hoping with a month between the two races I'd be able to train at a faster pace, sadly my hip really gave me a lot of trouble. I managed two 10 mile runs at barely a 15 min mile pace before I finally accepted that I needed to stop running for a few weeks to heal up. It didn't bother me doing the elliptical, so I cranked it to max climb to at least keep my climbing legs strong. I didn't feel like I was healing well so I considered dropping the race, but I went and had an x-ray done. It didn't show a fracture so I decided I may as well put another race on it before an appointment with Ortho. ? I found out during this recovery-taper-non running month that my muscle memory sucks. After 2 weeks of not running, I did a 10 min mile for 10 miles on the treadmill. My quads hurt for 2 days!! A week out from the race. I wore a hip brace and ran 2 more days to work all the pain out of my quads and remind them that I'm a runner, not a climber.

I was mentally and logistically prepared to tackle this course, but my confidence was low. I had to cut 2.5 hours from my last attempt in 2020, before both knee surgery and my hip pain. I was still limping a bit the day before the race and moving around like a crippled grandma. We drove down to Jamestown TN Friday for packet pickup. We actually found a non-sketchy motel; the only problem was it ended up being a 1/5 hr. drive to the late hour aid stations, so Jason ended up just staying out all night out crewing in the car.

The autumn colors in the TN mts were at peak color, the sky a brilliant blue, I tried to relax and just focus on enjoying the fact I'd get to spend 2 days out in the woods, but I was still anxious. I was praying a lot. When we passed the sign for the state park randomly the song "Its the climb" came into our radio station, a favorite, my sister sent to me to listen to for Ute 100.

"Ain't about how fast I get there, ain't about what's waiting on the other side. It's the climb "

and almost right after, "God bless the USA

"I'm proud to be an American where at the least I know I'm free, and I won't forget the men who died who gave that right to me "

My heart just filled with emotion like God knew why I was there and was sending me a reminder through music, that I was there for a purpose, and the experience, and as we pulled up to the race venue, it gave me the courage I needed.

#72 and I absolutely loved the beanie this year in the race swag!

Race start wasn't till 8am so I got a good 9 hrs. of mostly solid sleep. I'd been puffy all week and starving, I couldn't stop eating which was really bad race week! I don't feel good at a race start all bloated with food! Turned out that after not having one for 3 months, my period decided to show up race morning. That explains my ravenous hunger! It was too late to get supplies into my drop bags. Luckily this is a 'trail sister' female friendly race, and they try to have feminine supplies at all the aid stations that would help, but it was still gonna be a couple extra minutes every time I made a pit stop that I wasn't thrilled about. Also, I accidentally brought a pair of pants I haven't raced in that turned out to be a little small and uncomfortable & bunched up on the back of my knees. I brought a Velcro hip brace I decided to wear to give me some extra support on top of copious amounts of k tape, and a knee sleeve and knee brace on my prosthetic side. In general, I showed up to the start basically a hot mess.

Jason gave me a priesthood blessing right before the race to calm my nerves. It was a beautiful blessing and he said 2 things I especially needed, that because I was running for a righteous cause, the Lord would be with me and if I put my trust in the Savior, I'd be able to overcome any challenge I faced. He also warned me that Satan doesn't want me to succeed would try to discourage me, so to be warned and to not listen to his voice. It was powerful and I went to the start believing I could finish this despite all odds. It ended up being exactly what I needed to hear.

This was quite possibly the most stunningly beautiful autumn day I've ever experienced. The sky was deep blue, the air crisp and the colors of the forest were so bright and varied, my heart was just full of joy and prayer, and I had an ongoing "conversation" with my angel crew about the incredible day. The first 3 miles of the course was a rocky but runnable gravel road which gave plenty of time to look up and try to just absorb the beauty. Temps Friday were expected in the high 60s which was perfect running weather. The next day in the mid 70s I was a little more worried about, hydration late in the race etc. I told myself I knew how to handle that and I'd be able to adapt whatever came. After the first 3 quick miles on gravel and we hit the trails which were glorious. Soft pine and leaves felt amazing on my hip and legs, and I made pretty good time, the running came easy. I covered the 7-ish miles to Charit creek aid station pretty quickly and happily I wasn't near the back of the pack. I tried at every aid station to drink down a full bottle of sword electrolyte and refill with water for a packet of liquid IV to last in between. It seemed to work pretty well hydration wise, and I nibbled on some heath chocolate bars, red licorice and grabbed some cinnamon rolls at the AS, stuffing my face before heading to sawmill @12.8.

Leaving that first aid station, I noticed a guy with a bandana that had the veteran suicide hotline number on it. His name was Phil and we got to talking and ran together for the next 5 miles. They flew by as I listened to his story, he'd attempted suicide 3x in the Army, before he discovered running. Now he's a social worker and helps veterans and runs to raise awareness. It was so special to meet him and talk about the problem of suicide, stigma, how running ultras is healing for darkness and ptsd. We talked about how the formation in the young adult male brain is still happening when they become a soldier, so after they serve, when they come back home so often, they are strangers to their family and so lonely, and they don't have anyone to talk to who understands. He talked about the weakness he felt, hating himself for being able to kill an enemy but not to be able to pull the trigger when it was pointed at his head. It was such a raw and real conversation and my heart wept for the boys I was running for, the pain they must have felt as they found this battle too hard to fight anymore. Phil said he was gonna do a FKT in Tennessee next September during suicide awareness month. I told him I'd look him up and maybe come out to help. It was great we got to support each other. He was sweating pretty heavily so I wasn't sure if he was gonna pull out a finish, but he was moving faster than me so when some friends of his caught up to us, I made a pit stop and let them all run ahead, I was ready to run alone again.

I don't remember much about the next 2 aid stations, from Sawmill at 12.8 to Bandy Creek and my first drop bag at 24.6 was a lot of technical trail, and absolutely stunning scenery. The caverns along the trail were massive and so breathtaking and you lose count how many rock formations you pass through. One after another, with a grand finale on this section of the double arches!

The trails were a constant up and down full of roots and rocks, so it was hard to get into a good running rhythm. I was really relieved to finally get to my drop bag. I'd grabbed a handful of tampons and the beginning of the race and stuck in my pocket but forgot to pick up any at aid stations. Luckily, I had pads handy, but they made for some nice uncomfortable rashing early on that plagued me the entire race. I was constantly using lube haha. Every pit stop in the woods was annoying, throwing on a ton of A&D ointment, having to carry used supplies in my pocket (blegh) not to mention putting the dumb hip brace off and on every time, but the brace support meant my hip gave me zero trouble through the whole race, so it probably bought me time in the end.

Saw my friend Sally from a women's FB running group at Bandy Creek so that was a mood lifter. One of the volunteers pinned a tag on me, when I went to my drop bag to drink down some Nesquik, apple juice and eat a 1/4 hamburger from the aid station, I read what she'd pinned. "If you want to quit, remember why you started." Man, that brought me to tears. I went back to the AS and thanked her and gave her a big hug, I needed that. I kept it on my pack till it fell off at some point in the race, but I thought about those words and about my Marines and my son a lot. I wanted to finish this grand slam for them.

Running through a sunny meadow I came across this sign, and just as I saw it, a swirl of wind caught up a circle of leaves that swirled around me, and I looked down and saw a heart rock. It felt like it was LCpl Jake Crewson sending me a hug to pass on to his wonderful mom. I thought of each of them and when I would come to a cavern all alone, would say their names out loud. Jacob, Jake, Taylor, Dexter. Nate & Bryan. I hoped they all felt my love for them and for their families and that they had a chance to feel the beautiful day of effort out in the woods.

I'd say 70% of the trails was like pleasure running. Smooth, soft, little rocks and leaves. I tripped a few times over hidden rocks or roots. I vaguely remember the aid stations, I never sat down, only had my bottles refilled, drank sword, grabbed some cinnamon rolls or chocolate bars at the aid stations. I ate 4 huge chunks of pineapple that really hit the spot. Out on the trail there was a big group of people riding horses. The animals were so beautiful! We had a couple creek crossings during the daytime. I was able to hop from rock to rock and didn't get my shoes wet.

At one crossing, an older gentleman on a beautiful black Tennessee Walker was really nice, asked how far I was running. Then he said something that hit my heart like a brick. "I have some rope here, in case you want to hang yourself now." UGH. It was a stab in my heart on a glorious day. I politely smiled and said no thanks. I should have said something. A few hours later I encountered this same group again and the same man said "I still have some rope if you want it." I tipped my head in acknowledgement that he'd said something to me, but kept going, but what I really wanted to do was stop and say, "Hey sir, you know why I'm out here today? I'm running for veteran suicide awareness. One of these warriors I am carrying hung himself. Making flippant jokes about suicide is painful, and not funny. That kind of thing perpetuates stigma. Please try and be aware of your words, you'd be surprised how many people are affected by suicide." I decided that if I saw him again, I would say something...luckily, we didn't cross paths again. Maybe it's no big deal, but wow it really hurt my heart. I determined that man was just very fortunate to not know, and I prayed his life experience would keep him blissfully ignorant.

It was still daylight passing through Duncan Hollow aid station. From my drop bag I drank both apple juice and Nesquik and stocked up on gels and candy and electrolytes. I knew the next section was going to be one of the hardest on course. After a steep descent, it was dark when I came to a river crossing with another guy. The course was poorly marked and we didn't know which way we were supposed to go once we crossed the river. We made what seemed like the most logical choice and my feet finally got soaked pushing through the river. We met another guy on the other side, also unsure if we were on the right track. For about 20-25 minutes we slowed to a walk and were looking for course flags, unsure we were on the right trail. We kept moving forward but mostly because I knew backtracking would be a significant drain on my time...just hoped we would eventually find a flag. After a mile we saw someone had hung their race cup on a tree so we took that as a sign of someone attempting to mark the course, so we moved forward a little more confidently. After another 10-15 minutes we finally saw a flag. I was so relieved, I thought that section was going to be my undoing. That whole section really wasn't well marked. I stayed fairly close to one of the guys and we almost missed a trail detour off the main trail. We kept having the trail ditch off to the left all night. That section is low lying, sandy, rocky, slow going. You get in a few flat rugged miles, then have to do the biggest climb of the race, Laurel Mountain. After my other races this summer, this climb wasn't as intimidating. I counted to 100, stopped for a breath, 5x and then I was at the top. Very happy I conquered it! At the top of Laurel was an aid station and they had Perogies and Marinara sauce. I knew I was risking eating solid food, but it tasted sooo delicious. Went fairly strong after that till I met Jason at Blue Heron, mile 61.8. Sometime before I met Jason, I had my second real mood buster. I thought I was running all alone in the woods and cranking the music, was tired but trying to stay awake @ like 2am and keep up my pace to the rhythm. Suddenly behind me came a faster older woman. I told her she was doing great and wished her luck as she passed me. VERY rudely she said, "would you PLEASE turn down your music." Gosh, ok, sure, I said. I mentioned I was trying to stay awake and thought I was alone, and that it helped me feel like it was keeping bears and mountain cats away. Really rudely she grunted "there's nothing like that out here" and kept going. Actually, there are. Bears. cats. wild boars, not to mention snakes. :-P It was just a stupid momentary encounter, but it really upset me. I tried to forget about it, but it kept circling in my mind over and over. I felt like it was the adversary trying to beat me down, not letting me get over this little personal slight/insult. When I finally got to meet Jason at Blue Heron my spirits were down.

I was hurting, rashy, needed a tampon which he had forgotten to bring. I didn't go to the aid station because I needed to find a dark place to slather arthritis cream all over my legs, put on a clean pad and tons of lube and the bathrooms were too far off, I didn't want to walk the extra few yards it would take to get there. I got all situated for the Blue Heron loop and set back out. Jason planned to wait for me until I came back. The first 2 miles on the loop were brutal. Steep uphill climbs, a ton of sketchy and very steep stairs. My footing was unsure, and I had to take it slow. When it finally leveled out, I suddenly had this huge burst of energy that came out of nowhere. I was so grateful for it, I started to run at a very solid pace. I was still trying to shut my brain off from that woman and finally started praying for her, that shed feel less grumpy and good enough to finish. I almost missed a turn, and she was coming back from going the wrong way. I pointed her in the correct direction and without a thanks, she took off again. Well, I managed to stay not far behind her (with my music more muted) I found my middle of the night second wind & I started running 13-14 minute miles, I passed like 8 people on that loop and she was one of them. She never caught up to me. I never saw her again. I don't know if she finished but she didnt come in after me at the finish line. I thought...too bad, if you had some good music you probably would have beaten me, lol. It was petty, an unexpected mental challenge I had to overcome. When I realized it wasn't bothering me anymore, I said a prayer of thanks. A fun song came that felt very appropriate. :-D I felt like I had a laugh with my angels, Nate and Dexter especially. Maybe cuz theyre both a little gangster at heart and appreciated the moment of sweet competitive revenge. Ha! I'm not a number, I can't be defined Yeah, I feel the hunger, I think that it's time That I run like a rebel, run like a rebel,

run like a rebel, run like the rebel Shake off the devil, shake off the devil Run like a rebel, run like a rebel!

I met a guy name Eddie out on the trail running the race who said he knew who I was. When I'd done my 200 miler on the W&OD trail, him and his group of runners chatted with me, then ran on ahead and made a human 'tunnel' with their arms to cheer me on. It was sooo cool he remembered that and even my name. :) Ran with another guy for a while who was doing okay but sweating a ton and I don't think he finished. He was bonking by mile 30ish and asked me to pull some food out of his pack for him. Of course, I helped, but it reiterated my advice in my mind, don't put anything in your back of pack you are going to need to get to because it takes time to take off your pack, or you have to ask someone else to help you and they may be short on time. Gotta plan for easy access and to be as self-sufficient as possible. The night was a bit chilly but mittens, a hat my awesome pacer Paul from Grindstone gave me, and a hot hands down the front and back of my shirt, I stayed comfortable and didn't need a jacket. Overnight the cold air did take a toll on my lungs, so my chest hurt, and after the race had a solid cough. I flew thru the Blue Heron loop, though the last mile was super hard, sketch downhills and steep staircases through rock formations. I didn't remember any of that and was glad to be done with it! I'd bought myself about an hour, so I took a minute to eat some steak which was tender and amazing. I thought I might regret it but up until this point hadn't had any stomach trouble. I did at some point catch up to Phil who was struggling with some stomach issues so I gave him some of my Zofran and hoped it would help him get to the finish.

(daytime pic of just a small portion of stairs we traversed up & down at night.)

My light was dimming so I was glad when sunrise came, I ended up having to switch out batteries just 30 minutes before the sun was coming up but I knew I'd still move faster with good strong light. Id bought a mid-range black diamond head lamp that was garbage, luckily, I had my trusty $20 petzl in my pack and it worked great, very reliable.

At some point I missed another poorly flagged turn. As I was running the trail got a bit wilder and unkept and I didn't see a flag. Luckily, I had a phone signal, so I called Jason. My tracker on my new Fenix7 was still working so he was able to pinpoint my location. I'd gone half a mile past a missed turn, so I had to backtrack. I lost probably half an hour and thought it was putting me too close to be missing the cutoffs. I don't remember the aid stations except for vague images of getting bottle refills and drinking ginger ale. One aid station I took a shot of pickle juice, then 2 shots of ginger ale, then another shot of pickle juice. It kinda reset my stomach. I started relying on liquid calories, apple juice, applesauce. With my stomach starting to feel off I was dreading the temperatures climbing into the 70s for the day. Luckily the woods were cool, and the sun ended up staying away. We had an overcast day, cooler temps and little bits of rain. I missed the sunshine as a mood lifter, but I was super grateful for the clouds and cool weather. There is a long and somewhat painful gravel road up to Peters Mountain where I'd next meet Jason. It wasn't as steep as I remembered it. I had to power hike some, but mostly could jog and passed a couple runners there. I was feeling pretty hot and exhausted and started getting some sharp pain in my right shin. Was so glad to see Jason. We were out of chocolate milk, so I drank some apple juice. I sat down in the porta potty for the first time at mile 86.9 haha. Jason grabbed a handful of tampons from the aid station, and I got myself doctored up, some thick lube on and arthritis cream. I didn't have time to change shoes or socks, or clothes. Just dropped all my trash and night gear, hat, lamp etc. He helped me pour cold water on to my shirt sleeves and filled my bottles with apple juice. That would have to be enough calories to get me to the next aid stations. A solid 15 miles left, the most brutal of the course and I was on my own. At some point Id grabbed my super cute "bee kind" fanny pack my running friend from Ohio gave me, and loaded it up with bottles of Nesquik or apple juice. Made it much easier to run not trying to stash those in my pockets. Wasn't bad at first trying to make the cutoff at the Great Meadow Aid Station. Trails were fairly gentle and runnable, but I was getting really overheated, some blisters on my feet and just generally in pain all over and my shin getting worse. Within a couple hours I fell hard, and face planted at least 4 times. Luckily landing on my face or hands and not my knee. Was never seriously hurt but got some bruising. There is a pretty wide river crossing at Great Meadows which I was actually glad for. The water wasn't deep enough to offer some cold-water relief to my shin, but it really helped my feet. I filled up my water bottle with cold water and when I got to the aid station dumped it all over my head and hair, and all over my arms. Man, it felt amazing. You can see in pics how just a couple swigs of aid station ginger ale and cold water completely revived me.

They said I still had 12 miles to go so I was super worried I wasn't going to make cutoffs. I didn't have time to do anything but move forward. I crossed the river again to get back to the trail from the aid station. The steep muddy slopes were just the beginning of a rough lowland technical section. I struggled through it pretty well, passed a couple girls, one who really needed some Tylenol. I always pack a few extra for such an occasion so I stopped and gave her what extras I had and hoped she'd make it. The uneven ground really hurt my shin more than anything. I'm used to dull constant pain, but this was sharp, so I was a bit worried, but I knew I was putting it all on the line to finish this grand slam so I just shut it out and moved forward, praying I wasn't doing any permanent damage. I was starting to feel a bit queasy. I felt reminded by my troubleshooting angel Jacob that I had ginger candy I needed to eat. It helped and quieted my stomach for a while. I also took about 4 extra salt caps with water, helped my hydration so at least that was mostly going well, I wasn't making frequent pee stops so that's always a plus, lol. Gloriously, the distance was only 5 miles to Blevin's cemetery Aid Station and I was so incredibly relieved to get there. Right next to an old cemetery. This beautiful sign.

The aid station had a lot of skeletons and scary stuff trying to be funny and cool, which I usually hate... Having buried a child, and my parents, the humor of 'scary' Halloween things is just lost on me. Its triggering and you have to try and block the mental reminder that your precious child's beautiful young perfect body is laying in the ground in a cemetery, a disintegrating corpse turning into a skeleton. I don't find anything fun or cool or funny about it. That being said, the girls at the aid station were so kind and wonderful and absolutely amazing. They got me to sit down, the first real time I took a chair. They said I had plenty of time, with only 5 miles to go, not 6. I started crying with relief. They asked me about my pictures, and I got to tell them all about Dexter and why I was running. I was an emotional wreck and they showed me so much kindness. Got me drinking a soda can of cold ginger ale and enouraging me that I could make it to the finish. I was so grateful for them. I definitely needed the boost and help because the next 2 miles was nothing less than traumatic. Lowland through rocky-muddy-creek-rock-hills-wet logs- & another river crossing. It was slow and painful. Every crooked step on a wet muddly slope hurt my shin even more. I thought it was never going to end. I remembered what Jason had told me in my blessing to turn to the Savior, so I prayed that my spirit would be strong enough. I put on some church music and tried to focus on my faith and believe that I could endure anything with Christ walking by my side. This little song from a church cartoon my kids used to watch came into my mind and I sung it out loud and had tears rolling down my face, my pain numbed out and I felt like I could move forward more strongly.

Step by Step - YouTube

"Step by step I'll climb the steepest mountain

Step by step I'll cross the raging sea,

There is nothing I can't do

Doing it with two,

Dear Lord stay step by step ahead of me.

Step by step I'll travel on my journey

Step by step I'm closer than before

Hand in hand we walk

Prayer by prayer we talk,

I will follow step by step behind you Lord.

Be there Lord,

Please stay with me.

Be my help, my guide, my friend

I'm lost if I'm alone

I can't make it on my own,

Be with me till I reach my journeys end"

After that, everything felt a little less difficult and I felt like I was coming to the finish in company of unseen friends. At one point about 2 miles from the finish, my stomach finally was giving up. I felt so sick. I felt an impression from big strong Taylor, ' this is a good place to sit and take care of business.' A cute little bench at a neat cavern, I finally sat down for a moment, just long enough to let my stomach roll and completely empty itself of every little drop of fluid I still had in it. After my puke break, I got up and felt immediately better.

There were a few steep little crappy climbs to conquer but I power hiked quickly and found what I thought was possibly the last road, but I still thought I had 2 miles to go so I dug deep and ran as fast as I could, I passed maybe 2 people on that section. I was afraid it was going to go on forever, or that another climb would jump out but I turned a corner and suddenly there were flags and civilization and I saw Jason. SOOO happy! The finish was near! Only a few hundred yards left. Jason jogged the last bit in with me, and the Sabaton Marine Corps song Devil Dog song came up next on my playlist as I crossed the finish. 32.33, 27 minutes ahead of the cutoff. 3 hours faster than my last attempt. :) No Business successfully completed, my second Western States qualifier this year. https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=1&v=EVCtCWXB2W4&feature=emb_logo

When in times they are needed, such times they appear When a leader has fallen, a hero arise And inspire the lost into glorious deeds that Would give them a name that live on to this day "Come on, you sons of bitches, do you want to live forever?" Second to none, a marine and a gun Raising hell as they're fighting like dogs of war Heart of the corps, and a part of the lore The deadliest weapon on earth Kill, fight, die That's what a soldier should do Top of the game, earning their name They were the Devil dogs

Photographer nabbed several finish pics. Including them all because despite the embarrassment of how dorky I look is the raw, real feelings that the pictures capture: elation, pain, love, exhaustion, relief.

Just laid in the grass for a few moments, expressing a quiet thanks towards the heavens. And letting my stomach settle. Jason ended up pulling over the car so I could throw up a little more on the way to the hotel, but once I had a hot bath and was under the covers, I was able to sip water and get some sleep.

This gets me to #40/100 100s running for Dexter and veteran suicide awareness. I enjoyed a feast of tacos post-race that Dexter, who loved good food in copious amounts, would have appreciated. We'll do a birthday bonfire for him tomorrow night and send up a paper Viking effigy for fun. Maybe we'll outgrow the tradition one day but I still feel he wants to be around for good laughs, food, fun, & family time. When I first ran this course in 2018, I had only finished ONE other 100 miler. Coming back for #40, with a cause, and with so many wonderful supporters, friends, and beautiful Marine Corps brothers of Dexter's now to share the miles with, it was a difficult but spectacular experience. I'll never forget it.

Happy Birthday son, forever, your mommy.

Dexter, Bryan, Nate, Jake, Jacob, Taylor. Never forgotten. Friends and family are forever.

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My stats, though not 100% accurate, it is a mile and 1000 ft of elevation short, race is 102 and 14,500

Funny alert when I finished. Ya think?