Memorial Day 5-31-2021
I was honored to run a 100 miler on Memorial Day for my son Private James Dexter Morris, as well as Ssgt Taylor Wilson and Sgt Jacob Grey. Wear blue, run to remember, was also having its members carry the name of a Vietnam war hero, so I also was able to memorialize USMC Robert Edward Bexley. KIA 1967. When I run I like to think that my steps aren't mine, they are theirs. A living memorial to those who left us too soon.
I wanted to visit Dexter at the cemetery and also have time with my family for the holiday, so I decided to stay close to home this virtual race. Blue Ridge Mountain Road is not far from me. It begins at an Appalachian trail parking lot at the top of the Blue Ridge, and stretches for 11 miles along the rolling top of the Blue Ridge. The road is beautiful, winding, steep in places, mid way you pass Mount Weather which my family always jokingly calls the FEMA camp. I like to train on that road in the early morning hours for elevation and views of the stars. From the parking lot its also a 15.5 mile round trip to Ketoctin cemetery in Round Hill where Dexter is laid to rest. Went to church with the family on Sunday, had a quick pancake breakfast with them, and started on the road to the cemetery from the AT parking lot by 12:30. I started Sunday so that the most difficult hours and the finish would actually be on Memorial Day.
The first 4 miles flying down the mountain were a breeze. Quite a bit of traffic on route 7 but the road shoulder is very wide. I always get PoPo anxiety running on the road, but didn't see any police lol. After my last run I gained like 5 lbs stress eating so Jason and I got back on a low carb diet...not the brightest thing to do a week before running a 100 miles haha. After about 5 miles I was feeling pretty depleted! I thought, I feel like I just ran 30! It was 45 degrees and cold out. I had on a thermal and mittens! Jason and the boys met me at the cemetery where I was happy to sit down and drink some Nesquick and eat donuts to get some carbs into my system. I found a wooly Christmas gnome ornament by the side of the road so we left it at the cemetery with the roses the boys brought and the flags I carried. Sometimes I feel very sad at the cemetery, knowing that is where my sons boy lies. Its a terrible thing to let yourself think about and I cant let my mind wander too fa . Other days it doesn't affect me as much because in truth I know his spirit is not there. I felt that way on Sunday. It was good to be there showing him our love and respect for his service as a Marine, but then I knew he'd be with me while I ran. <3 Adam made fun of me for scrounging up stuff from the side of the road. Haha.
I decided to check out a back road to get back up the mountain after the cemetery and ended up running 7 miles on winding country roads past historic homes and beautiful farmland. Funny thing, out of all the road miles and traffic, it was there I was almost hit by a car, a police cruiser whipping around the corner on a quiet single lane road. I passed a mulberry tree that was ripe and stopped to pick a handful of sweet berries! I spent the early hours listening to some gospel music and found a perfect shining heart rock in the mud... I went to scrape off the mud and it sliced my finger! I definitely had to get a pic of that, hah. I had an older gentleman slow down his car and he gave me a big thumbs up out the window, that made my day!
Made decent time hiking back to the top of the mountain. I decided to hike all the steepest hills through the BRM loops, but run everything else to hopefully save my quads as I was unsure of the total elevation gain. The BRM itself is pretty comfortably runnable, but at both ends there is about a mile long 1000ft climb thats really steep so I knew those would get to me, it ended up being tougher to run down than up! Really beautiful woods, a few wise open vistas of the valley, its a beautiful place to run.
These little rock walls serve as good pit stops during busy traffic :P
I had my car parked at one end of the road full of supplies, and a cooler full of snacks & water bottles at the other end, and bottles of water dropped at the 6 mile mark. My plan was 16 out and back to the cemetery then 4 out and backs 22 miles long (-4 the last loop) to equal 100. It was late afternoon when I got back to my car and headed up the first big climb. Pretty uneventful out and back, hit a marathon at the end where I grabbed some Nesquick, pudding cups and a bunch of skittles & york peppermint patties. Candy still tasted pretty good at this point. Because of the cold weather and being Sunday night, the road was mostly deserted so I didn't have to worry about cars too much especially as the evening wore on. I used my light sparingly, preferring to run in the dark. Back at the my car Jason met me at about 37 miles with hot ramen, It was sooo good! We did a quick messenger call with my daughter Hannah which was totally fun, she is always so supportive during my races! I was actually feeling a lot less physically tired by this point as opposed to my 5 mile bonk, haha, my body gave up fighting me over running and carbs vs no carbs and just got down to business. Id 'been pretty solidly crushing the downhills though I shouldn't have because by this time I was starting to feel it in my shins and knees and hip...though I think it was more the downhill pavement pounding than anything..
I have to add that right after our conversation, Hannah added this picture on FB with the following words.
"I see the marine necklace around your neck and my heart is full. You carry on the memory of our soldiers with every step in the dark 100 miles and more.
"Always remember, a fallen soldier
Always remember, fathers and sons at war
Always remember, a fallen soldier
Always remember, buried in history"
If that's not worth every mile, I don't know what is
.....
I was kindof excited for the next stretch in the dark, It was around 10 when Jason met me so the next loop was till like 3-4 in the morning. There was an occasional car but for the most part I had the road all to myself. I love being alone at night. I can pray and sing, talk to my parents, Dexter, my heroes plus it just feels a little bit adventurous and dangerous, like when I'd sneak out of the house at night as a teenager with my friends and roam the neighborhood avoiding cops haha. I kept my red blinking light going just in case, but I turned off my headlamp and just ran along in the dark. I feel MUCH safer that way. I'm less afraid of cars or bears than I am some creeper jumping out of the woods. Aside from my music with all my lights off I feel fairly invisible. I did have my knife and pepper spray which I kept in my mitten till the sun was up. I had my backup plan to take off running in the woods if someone jumped out at me, haha. I saved my best playlist of Sabaton till after midnight and it was officially Memorial Day. I just love that band so much. My daughter Hannah who studies ancient cultures in college once called them our “Homer” because of singing of the epic deeds of heroes. It just matches my mood and cause so perfectly, besides their tempo being totally lit, hah!
Hit 50 miles at the end of the road with my cooler...food was starting to not look good but I drank my last Nesquick and ate a couple more puddings, filled up my water and stuck candy in my vest. Was trying to eat 3-400 calories at my stops and then 100 calories or so every 45 min to an hour. It was working fairly well. I took a zofran about this time just to test it out...an anti nausea drug my doctor prescribed. It ended up working almost all the way to the end.
So me and my son Isaac have always been quirky in liking aliens and UFOs and bigfoot and crazy junk like that, so in the news lately all the pentagon talk about ufos, some of the lights overnight started creeping me out! It was very late like 2 am and I wouldn't say I was hallucinating, but these houses way back in the woods gave out eerie lights and I kept thinking ...what if I saw a ufo! So scary! There was one really bright spotlight that kept shining through the trees. A heavy fog rolled in, though I could see the stars above the fog...and this light just kept following me!! ....realizing after about 30 minutes that is was the MOON. Haha! The dark night and empty road, silver fog in the dark forest was kinda spooky but beautiful. I thought, this is the perfect lighting to spot like a ghost in the forest or something. I had to sing to not let my imagination creep me out. Jason gave me a blessing before I started my run and he promised me that I would never be alone at any point while I was out there. I really felt that overnight...every time I'd get sortof that creepy feeling I would remember that I wasn't running alone and that I had angels to watch over me. I would feel immediately better.
I ended up running past FEMA camp like 8 times. Overnight I was listening to this Sabaton song “Defense of Moscow “ “Russia will never give in they'll never surrender, force them into retreat and into defeat”...
Its this totally fun song and I was singing at the top of my lungs as I was running past Mt Weather at 2 am... I realized...oops I hope they don't have video or microphones out here, they might think I'm Russian Op....I didn't see any black SUVs like I have in the past so it was all good. Haha.
Jason being the angel he is, met me again at 60 miles and something like 3am. He brought a big tupperware of leftover spaghetti from home. I'd made a big pot the night before because it tasted so good last race! I ate the whole thing. Man o man...it was the best tasting spaghetti ever. I felt a little off and was really starting to feel a lot of pain in my shins. I kept rubbing pain cream all over my legs and it'd last for about a 3rd of each loop. I was worried because I really didn't have an appetite for anything sweet now. Usually I'll start drinking Orange Juice but Id' forgotten to leave any with my cooler, so after Jason left me he surprised me by driving out at 3-4 am and dropping off OJ with my cooler, so Id have it at the far end of my loop. When I found it in the morning I was so grateful! I really didn't want to eat anything except for maybe skittles so that bottle of OJ got me from mile 71-82! It never got really cold overnight, I didn't need my jacket but I kept gloves on.
When the sun came up on Memorial Day though it warmed up quickly. I was feeling pretty depleted after I drank that OJ and emptied my bottle by 76 miles. I still had 6 miles to go till meeting Jason at the car. I had my water bottle access but that was it. I was really hurting ALL over and still had a full marathon to run. The distance felt super far and I was feeling pretty discouraged and blah. It was still fairly early and traffic was light but I started having cars hoking and waving at me. I thought it was so nice. One car slowed down and gave me a huge wave....then it turned around and I realized it was my facebook friend Shannon! :-D The funniest thing, we've only actually met one time in person but I feel like shes a long lost friend and sister or something. Its like we were meant to be friends. I thought she was out of town for the weekend, but suddenly there she was on Blue Ridge Mountain Road with a bag full of goodies!!!! A big bottle of Nesquick and salty beef jerky sticks!!!! We walked a bit together while I drank and ate then she drove up the road 2 more times to meet me with the drink & a third jerky stick. It was so much fun. We walked a bit together and it was exactly what I needed. She said she asked Dexter what his mom would want ...got it just right. Wierdly Nesquick is a fantastic electrolyte, not too sweet or thick, full of potassium & carbs & protein. And the jerky hit the salty my body was craving, plus protein. I felt sooo much better after meeting her. We stopped and chatted a bit and I just felt so grateful for this wonderful person to drive way over from Winchester just to bring me some snacks. The love and encouragement and service was far more meaningful....and she was not only serving me but also Dexter and Jacob, Taylor and Richard and their families with her act of service. It was just a beautiful thing. I easily pulled out the last 3 miles after that to meet Jason at 82. You are the best, Shannon!
18 remaining miles! Jason told me then that he'd left a post in the Clarke County community facebook page about how I was running a 100 for Memorial Day for fallen veterans, and that his post had like 800 likes and lots of people wishing me the best and giving support. It was a wonderful feeling! It was probably 10 am or so by now. I changed into shorts & got rid of the gloves and thermal shirt, stopping long enough just to change, eat some macaroni and cheese and pop a huge blister on my heel. I figured in shorts I could rub arthritis cream into my legs easier to get through the last 18. I was really really hurting. I can't remember the last race where my legs and feet hurt so much, probably in January running in Utah for mom, that was half the elevation but all on roads. I think that's the only other time my shins have really hurt like this. I grabbed my trekking poles to let me arms take some of the pressure off my legs and headed up for the last loop. The zofran was working well at keeping nausea away but nothing sounded good, I didn't know what I'd be able to eat. I did manage to keep orange juice and skittles & some strawberry wafer cookies going. Jason was doing a 5k as well for Wear Blue and honoring Captain Michael D Martino KIA, Vietnam war, so he did the first part of the last climb with me.
This last loop I wasn't going all the way out to my cooler since I only had 18 miles to go, I had water that I stopped and drank at the 6 mile mark...and dumped half a bottle down my shirt because it was getting warm in the sun, 70+ degrees. I was worried because I had basically 1 bottle of water left there for 5+ hrs of effort with the temp and humidity up. There is a big climb from mile 7-8, then a long downhill to 9 on the loop. I decided to try and call Hannah walking up the big climb, I'd given up trying to run it, ha. Wanted to say hi to my grandbaby Ellie, I thought it might distract me from my misery. My stomach was feeling a bit queasy and I was so hot in the sun! Ellie was kind grumpy from napping but her favorite toy is a sheep and her first word was “baaa”... she just stared at me when I talked to her, but then I said “ba-aa-aa-a” and her face just lit up. It was SO funny! Just laughed so much. I had to share the “before and after” picture. :-D I look completely trashed which was how I felt ha, but she was a wonderful distraction. Then I suddenly got hit with a wave of nausea so I had to hang up. I told Hannah I was so thirsty I was ready to drink from a puddle or creek and get giardia, or from somebody's tossed waterbottle. She said, well a used waterbottle is probably safer so she told her husband 'lets pray for mamma to find a water bottle!'
Well, we hung up and I did the torturous downhill. Made a little pit stop, rubbing on some arthritis cream when a car stopped and the guy asked if I needed any water and if I was the lady running 100 miles. I said yes to both, he only had half a water bottle that he'd already drunk out of it but I gladly took it. We talked for a few minutes and he told me a little about his serving in Vietnam, and he got teary eyed and told me he understood why I was out there, and understood suicide. We both choked up and I gave him a little hug through the window. I told him he was an answer to our water bottle prayers and I was so grateful, the water was amazing. A little while later another car pulled over and the guy asked if I needed anything and thanked me for running. About 2 miles later, the guy came back...Mike. Pulled over and had a brown bag full of 5 ice cold water bottles! Oh my goodness, it was heaven. I dumped a full one all over me while we talked, guzzled 2 and stuck the other 3 in my shirt and pack. I was hoping to finish this run in under 28:30. It took me 18 minutes longer and that's almost exactly how long I stood and talked to Mike. We talked a lot about suicide and it was just kindof funny but so moving, we were strangers crying by the side of the road together. He said something I knew...but it meant so much to hear. “Your son didn't leave because of you, he left because he couldn't take the pain anymore. I understand that pain. I've prayed many times for God to just take me”...
I cant really describe it in words, but if the only reason I was out there was to run into Mark and just have a shared moment of understanding each others burdens, it was a beautiful thing and worth all of the effort. <3
About another hour later the heat was really getting to me again. I did a bit of dry heaving, then laid down in someones grass for 5 minutes, holding my arm in the air to keep the gnats off. Prayed or help to keep going, gave thanks for all the help I'd recieved, for the beautiful day and the ability to run and serve. It settled my stomach enough to keep going.
The mile in front of the FEMA Camp has no trees, hottest part of the afternoon, was feeling pretty woozy. Jason and the boys went to 7-11 for slurpees and met me with 4 miles to go. It was all mostly downhilll from there and I wanted to just run it in but I didn't have anything left but a fast walk. Though it was fairly warm out I got the shivers so I sat in the chair for 5-10 minutes drinking the pina colada-wild cherry slurpee they bought me. It really hit the spot. I had to wear a towel so I'd stop shivering though, haha. They also had big fat hot dogs that sounded so good, I was actually able to eat it and keep it down!
With less than 4 miles left Peter my youngest son, decided to walk it in with me. I was so happy! I don't know that he even thought about it but he was wearing one of Dexter's ball caps and it just hit my heart with love and sadness. We were with him when he got it in the mall for his last birthday. Peter and I have a quiet special bond having really mourned together through the first year, being 12 when he found his brothers body. That's an unimaginable burden for a child to carry. :( Sometimes I forget that I'm not the only one living with those memories.
He was a chatterbox and we had a really fun time talking and walking and I just felt like we had Dexter with us. Mom, son and big angel brother.
Jason and Adam hiked up the big hill to meet us with quarter mile to go and I just felt so blessed to have them and their support! Hurt so much, I was so relieved to finish!
When we got home I read through all the community messages and just had tears down my face for all the support and kind words that were said. . I'm just a non-descript, ordinary mom trying to survive serve in really the only way I know how right now...and somehow God takes this one mediocre talent ,and has been able to use it for so many moments of good. I'm just so grateful. I wish I could do more, more for the grieving familes, more for more families... I am just hoping by carrying these boys that they can continue to serve , as we let others know their sacrifices are remembered. Their lives are remembered. Memorial Day is a difficult holiday when your hero died by suicide. You want them to be remembered for their sacrifice, but you feel the world might not hold them up as a 'traditional' hero. Many suffer quietly through the weekend, burdened by stigma. In truth these men gave all they had while serving and served as long as they were able, and their families should know their price paid was just as real as any other who gave their lives on a battlefield. They will always be heroes to me.
Dexter always honored veterans. Here he is at age 16 at a Memorial Day luncheon he attended with us back in 2010. <3
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