I was really excited for my trip to Florida with Jason to run Daytona 100. A 100 mile point to point race between Jacksonville and Daytona. Just getting cold in Va, the sunshine and warmer weather was appealing, though I knew it would be long long miles of blacktop. I probably wouldn't have signed up except that with Covid and being December, there are very few races available. A FB friend of mine, Jennifer, who runs for fallen veterans, was running it as her first 100 so I was really looking forward to running some miles with her and helping out with some specific challenges she was facing.
On our drive down I made a last minute decision to carry the name of SGT Jacob Grey. His gold star mother is a friend on Facebook and Dec 3 was his birthday. I just knew I needed to remember him in my miles and pray for his mom. The years go by after child loss, but those special days of our children's lives never get easier. :( I had a friend in Florida print his picture and I made a quick dash by Walmart for laminating paper last minute so that I could wear it. I also had my photo of SSgt Taylor Wilson that I carry every race. He has a wonderful wife and son who are living their lives with grace and humor despite their loss and I just want them to know Taylor's life and service to our country mattered, and still matters. <3
The morning before the race Jason and I jogged a quarter mile to the beach to catch the sunrise, though it was cloudy and overcast. I was huffing and puffing thinking how silly it is I tire out from a quick jog to the beach but somehow can pull out 100 miles, haha. I kinda feel that way about stairs. No matter how in shape you are, a flight of stairs at bedtime feels hard!
We got to the beach just as the pinkest sunrise I've ever seen, appeared. It only lasted for about 5 minutes but I was completely enthralled and felt this sweet feeling in my heart that the sunrise was meant for my friends Molly and Sally, mother and sister of Nate, who I was running for this race as well. They lost him back in April, not to suicide but to other challenges that I know my own son struggled with and felt inspired to run for him, knowing his family was facing their first Christmas without him. Something I know is unbearably painful even while the birth of Christ gives us hope. The sunrise was just a little tender mercy to m and a sign of love. <3
We enjoyed Friday walking the beach and collecting pockets full of seashells. I love sea glass but couldn't find a single piece even low tide and hours on the beach, but the weather in the mid 70s was glorious! I was happy being there with Jason :) <3
We met up with some friends who we haven't seen in 10 years. They are the parents of Dexter's best friend in middle school...honestly, probably his only friend in middle school. :( At least, that was an actual friend. They used to love watching movies especially Rocky, and eating his mom Jirinas amazing home baked treats, which she was always baking for t. We ate in a cute little auto themed burger shop that reminded me of Dexter and caught up on 10 long years and just had a great time. I almost felt like Dexter was smiling and happy there with us because he loved them and wouldn't miss out on good conversation and a good burger. That alone was worth the trip to Florida! Plus, she baked me some cookies. I promised her I'd come back to Florida and do a beach solo100 if she'd make me her famous chocolate cake, in honor of Dexter's heavenly birthday. Hopefully I can follow though with that. <3
Race morning...just surreal. I just had this weird alienated feeling like, what am I doing here in Florida in this random hotel at Christmas time, dressing for a run that I know is going to be miserable? But, I reminded myself, I'm with my husband and running for veteran suicide awareness... people do weird things for causes all the time, and this is my weird thing. Dressed for temps in 40's and 60s. Pre-race was chaotic and cold, a very chilly wind blowing. I wasn't counting on cold till Saturday night but luckily had a jacket stowed away in the car. All my drop bags with jackets, gloves, headlamps etc were back at the hotel for later crewing by Jason. Met Jennifer and her friend that came all the way to Florida for his first 100~ Sadly he dropped around mile 70. Road races in the sun are deceptively hard.
Because Jennifer has some sight challenges and I knew there were some slightly tricky turns in the race, I decided I should just stay with her until we got through the first half of the race at least. We ended up running something like 94 together. I'm usually a solitary introvert solo runner, digging deep into music and meditating while I'm running, but had such a good time, I am so grateful I had her company through some long miserable miles! The morning warmed up after an hour or so while we ran through beach neighborhoods for the most part. Jenns a 5x Boston Marathon runner, and has run countless other marathons so she, though worried she wouldn't finish, was extremely well equipped training wise to get through a 100. Her comfortable pace had my heart rate running a little high but I decided it was ok since it was early and I could slow down later. We got to know each other chatting through the first 10 miles and they flew by. At the 1st aid station at mile 12, she realized the volunteers had screwed up her drop bag and left her nighttime drop bag full of cold gear at the 1st AS! So we had to stop and spend some time with her figuring out how to get her bag moved to a later AS. Luckily she knew one of the crews and they were able to deliver it to an Aid station later in the race when she would need it. This same thing happened at the next THREE aid stations. It was kind-of a mess and took up time that we could have been running. The next stretch was through some kind of preserve....blacktop highway with a few ocean views, mostly dunes covered in thick palm tree bushes. There wasn't much to see, but the road was made of some kind of material that glittered so that was fun, like a starlit day. The sun was relentless starting pretty early out on that blacktop. We made up for time and the miles passed quickly chatting about everything under the sun, we saw a really cool old historic looking castle as we approached St Augustine.
I think Jenn and I had enough parallel life experiences, losses, & dealing with grief and challenges through running that we never really got tired of talking. The 2nd AS we knew we were probably going to be screwed relying on what the race was providing, which would have been really bad for Jenn since she was running uncrewed. Jason ended up taking care of us both the whole race. But really...aside from another one of Jenn's drop bags messed up, completely missing, which was really bad because it held all her electrolytes and other fuel she specifically bought to fuel and hydrate for the race..(just getting nutrition wrong can entirely screw up your race) there was practically nothing we could eat at the AS but some chips and Halloween candy and about half a dozen salted mini potatoes. Instead we went across the street to a gas station and bought a couple sodas, water, choco milk & a banana. I was kind-of ticked because this race fee wasn't cheap, and I ended up buying my own food pretty much the whole race. The RD claimed it was to protect runners from covid to keep the aid stations small, but I really felt like we were more at risk going in and out of half a dozen gas stations in a compromised fatigued state, being exposed to a lot of the public, and there isn't a lot of mask wearing going on in Florida... so Jenn and I had plenty to rant about as well. Ha! Jason met us at about mile 32 and ran through St Augustine with us which I loved. Beautiful harbor side historic tourist town, oldest settlement in America! We were both feeling pretty strong though it was hot and I was sweating a lot and feeling a bit tired by then, still pushing my hr a little high through the heat. Paused for a chain gang picture in Dexter's memory of his dine & dash burger & subsequent arrest in Florida. lol. We got stopped waiting for a drawbridge on the Bridge of Lions, so Jenn took the time to get race staff on the phone to figure out where all of her drop bags were. A lot of stress but we tried to brush it off and determined we were going to get through these miles no matter what. Unexpected challenges always arise in an ultra and working through them is just part of the experience...but it is frustrating when the race isn't being run that well.
The next 18 miles or so was pretty boring scenery wise, and warm, full sun. Jason met again 10 miles later with a McDonald burger and shakes. I knew those shakes could cause us some stomach issues but they tasted so dang good, haha. A good thing because the following aid station was as poorly stocked and run as the other two, manned by some young teenagers.We ran a few more miles and hit up another gas station for diet cokes and a snack + water. There were supposedly some water bottle drops between every aid station but I think there were at least 3 or 4 that we never did see.
I was super relieved as the sun went down, we were still running pretty well but slowing down. The houses kindof cleared away and we started running stretches with some ocean views that were spectacular. Dodged some fishermen, fishing poles and stinky fish guts all along a bridge at one point. There was also quite a bit of traffic. As it got dark we had to make a choice, stay on the left side of the road and dodge oncoming traffic, but have gorgeous ocean views, or run the sidewalk on the opposite side of the highway which I think most other runners chose...but I didn't want to stare at pavement for the next 30-something miles, so we risked it. Traffic was mostly polite and it slowed down as the hours grew later. There were only a few cars I thought could actually kill us lol and only one person who actually honked, but I got into mother mode and kept trying to run in front of Jenn or pull her off the road with a car coming if I thought they were too close. She put up with my mothering with patience and humor! Jason met us someplace around 55 miles. He had been able to round up the last of Jenn's stuff so she got equipped for the night. We put on jackets & pain cream, I drank a bunch of OJ. Felt my stomach starting to turn so switched to just juice at that point. The sky was dark and clear, the stars were bright and we could hear the ocean. We were warm and still moving pretty well. We did start taking occasional walk breaks, about every 5 miles. We checked out an unmanned aid station with a bunch of hallowing candy spread on the table and just didn't even bother. Around mile 72 we hit up a 7-11, very grateful to buy something we could actually eat or drink. I ran into an older gentleman there wearing a Marine Corps hat and struck up a conversation. This ended up being the highlight of my race. Frank was special ops USMC, Vietnam Veteran. Still struggling through life with severe post trauma. He saw Dexter's picture and I told him about Dexter and the other veterans I was running for. He told me how he had lost many friends, had held a gun to his head many times, lived with flashbacks and sleepless nights... all these years later. 50 years. His life, still deeply affected by PTSD. I just cried and thanked him for his service and that he continued to fight for his life. We hugged and he told me he loved me, and I told him I loved him, and I meant it. It felt like just a little moment of light...a chance meeting that wasn't by chance. I needed him there at that 7-11 to remind me why I was out there running...for those who hadn't survived. To let those who want to die, know that someone recognizes that there is a struggle and that we want them to live. Frank was just the sweetest. He even offhandedly offered to protect us because he was conceal carry, haha. I just cant really express the emotions of that little meeting, but it drove me the rest of the night. So special. It still brings me to tears.
After meeting Frank Jenn pointed out the moon rise, Half moon, orange, we watched it rise as we ran...it was breathtaking and spiritual and deep. Orange reflections, orange waves rolling in that turned silver and luminescent as the night wore on. You just can't capture that in a picture or the price paid to see it that night. We also s meteor! Shortly after we left Frank, it streaked across the sky, as orange as the moon, leaving a trail of sparks before it broke up in the atmosphere. It felt like some kind of heavenly hello. <3 We talked, spent some quiet time just running as well and I listened to music. I have a couple of songs on my playlist that remind me who I run for, choked down tears several times running through the dark thinking of them and praying for their loved ones.
Sadly we eventually left the beautiful ocean and risking our lives for the moon and waves, as we got into a more populated area. At this point we were slowly passing other runners. Mostly men, so Jenn and I chuckled a little about that. We tried doing a walk /run pattern but by the last marathon I was getting pretty beaten down. I don't know if I was over hydrated or under hydrated. Had to pee every 2 miles so was constantly pausing and then catching up to Jenn. Also to add to the fun, female issues plagued me this whole race.
About this time my stomach took a turn for the worse. I did a couple stops where I was just dry heaving. We were getting cold and my stomach wasn't getting much better. It was the wee hours of the morning and most things were closed and we were thirsty. Found another aid station with a couple teenage girls and some cold pizza. I managed a bite or two. At least it had hot heated bathrooms there. A few miles later we made a quick pit stop at 7-11. I layed down on the ground for a minute then went inside and there was this drunk couple buying beer who offered to take Jenn to church lol. The guy was so impressed with the miles we were running that he offered to buy me a slurpee, so I managed to get down half a mountain dew slurpee. Jenn was super solid. I was constantly whining and complaining lol, but she had this steely resolve and look of determination on her face and just kept moving though I knew she was having some pain and probably blisters and was fighting the cold. She didn't complain at all!
I called Jason sometime around mile 80 telling him we were walking and I was sick and asked him to meet us with warmer clothes. I wanted him to be out closer to us because he was back at the hotel around mile 40, and we were running through an incredibly sketchy part of town. That stretch was pretty miserable. Jenn quietly moved forward and we walked alone at a few points but only a few yards from each other. I was making frequent pit stops to pee or dry heave or just laying down in random places to try and settle my stomach. Two women all alone in what Jenn later termed "hookerville" lol Seriously, like 3-4 am, there is NOBODY out, but a few scattered runners, and what appeared to be drunks, drug dealers, & mentally ill wanderers. I pulled out my pepper spray and just kept it in my hands. I was slightly nervous and scared but remembered that we were surrounded by some pretty tough unseen guardian angels. <3 We found another open gas station for water around mile 86. They had no bathroom so Jenn stayed inside to buy water and I went out next to the gas station and got ridiculously sick in every way you can imagine, behind some bushes. Then layed on the ground and just moaned. Sooo miserable lol. If anyone saw me they would have thought I was roaring drunk, vomiting and passing out. It was kind-of humorous...at the same time my heart kind of broke because I knew that others out in the city at that time of night with the issues I mentioned before....broken people....exist, and every day of their lives is misery. This moment I chose in an attempt to accomplish something great, but the addict, the mentally ill, the poor, the trapped...so much sadness in the world. It made me weep.
If you haven't noticed, I cry alot in 100' miles.
Jason finally caught up with us around mile 90. We were so glad to start the final countdown! While I was laying on the ground again fighting a wave of nausea, Jason gave me a blessing to get me through the rest of the race and we got moving again. At that stop with Jason half a dozen other runners caught up with us and passed us, though I noticed none of us were actually running. Everyone was walking quickly or dragging along...we jumped back into the death march and did some positioning as we each stopped to rest and would then started moving again. I pretty mush stopped talking to Jenn at that point. I had to focus on breathing in and out to keep my stomach settled. I remembered it was Sunday morning so I put on some Christmas music and just tried to think about the birth of the Savior and his life. It was the most...interesting... church service 'Ive ever had I think, haha. I prayed a lot during those wee hours of quiet. Gratitude for the redemption of mankind because of this infant born in a stable, redemption, resurrection for my son, for Nate, Taylor, Jacob, Jenn's mom, the fallen veterans she was running for. Redemption available to the world, including all the broken souls in hookerville. ;-) All because a baby was born in Bethlehem. I'm just breathing and thinking and walking at this point with tears going down my face. "My chains are gone, I've been set free...amazing grace." At supposedly 92, which was actually 94 miles, (102 total, and we felt every step!) we met Jason walking out to find us before the last non existent aid station which was also the RD's house (?!) He came walking with us and chatted with Jenn while I just kept quiet trying to focus on controlling nausea and on footsteps, moving forward, & music. I thought we'd never reach the beach turnaround. I had to lay down again for 5-7 minutes so we encouraged Jenn to go ahead and said I'd catch up. I hoped shed keep going and be able to own that last 5-6 miles without having to worry about me which she did.. When Jason & I finally reached the point where we turned onto the beach I was so relieved! I hoped I could run it in but was too sick and tired so just kept walking, one foot in front of the other, on that beautiful but never ending beach. Had another 2 minute lay down and die break, ha, then continued. I tried to distract from the pain I was feeling everywhere by looking at sea shells and the sand and water. I actually found 4 pieces of sea glass...one for each of the men's pictures I was carrying. It felt like a little thank you. <3 Jason alternatively switched sides walking with me so he could hold my hand and warm it up. There was a really cold breeze and I'd dropped my gloves off hrs ago. We listened to music and " Into the West" by Annie Lennox came on my playlist. Jason had to steer me on while I staggered through some messy crying. I listen to that song every single time I visit Dexter at the cemetery. Having it play on white sands at the ocean side was way more that my heart could take at that moment. "Why do you weep, what are these tears upon your face? ... White shores are calling, you and I will meet again..." <3 A small white bird playing in the surf at the finish, and a thank you. <3
It was an anti climactic finish line. A little sign pointing up some beach steps into the RD's house. No actual finish line...just a dozen people in this house, somebody's grandma snoozing on the couch. I threw my sweaty carcass on the nice marble floor and sobbed, I was so relieved to be done. After I collected myself I was so happy Jenn was there and finished with her first 100. It was so amazing to do that together. She will be a friend for life after that crucible! Got my buckle and we headed to the hotel for showers and to give Jenn a ride to the airport. We just couldn't believe the way the race had been handled...and thought it was ironic the RD was so worried about Covid but had a house full of unmasked adults... (?!) No finish line on a perfectly beautiful beach in open air? It was all just weird... but were super proud of our accomplishment and the beautiful experiences we had together. This is my 12th 100 mile finish.
Dexter, on the beach.
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